The next step

I felt all is going well but I miss my mom so much I miss her in every moment, I miss her in every aspect, I miss her in every situation. I always feel like I want my mom back. "I would dream like, God gave me a blessing and asked me to make a wish, I wished for my mom to be back and god granted my wish. My mom is back and we were all happy again"

Day dreaming became my best friend at that times. I started talking to my self a lot. A new 'inner me' grown up which would reply for all my questions, I know its only me but I would feel like some one is inside me and answering all my questions.

I started doing making things done, there is a lot of difference in me. I look like a grown up girl in mirror. My father and brother gave me everything which I needed they never said 'NO'

Because I am the most pampered kid in my family. The only one who would scold me is my mom, I even miss her scolding's.

I would not feel comfortable at anyone's home. Being lonely is my biggest comfort. I used to be in my own world dreaming about something. There is no single day in my life without dreaming. For example if I see a web series like CID in television I would dream like I am also a CID officer. Every small thing shows impact on me. If some one is falling sick I would think the same thing will happen to me or I would imagine my self in that situation.

My school, my friends and my home, my family and my dreaming became my world. I used to enjoy my own company in dreaming, I also used to dream like my mom is talking with me. I used to be very emotional like crying for very small things also, my father would say you have a water pot on your head which would be very funny.

I had two best friends in my schooling with whom I would chill out some days, we used to do combine study, I started going to their home for studying. I would feel very happy spending time with them but when I see my friends mom I would miss my mom literally very much. So many times I hided my tears in front of them because I don't want to spoil the present mood.

I can say we are best gossiping queen's. We used to talk about every matter that's happening in school, in between teachers and also we used to chill and laugh by commenting someone going on road by seeing them from terrace.

For my every birthday they used to plan a cake and gifts for surprising me, they never miss to surprise me. We used to spend the whole day together. I started loving them so much. They also became part of my world.

I used to feel very emotional if they ignored me a bit. I know they wouldn't do it wantedly but l am so emotional that I cant accept them ignoring me. One day I walked out of my friend's house all of a sudden by feeling they are avoiding me which they aren't doing.

I used to have very less friends in boys, basically I have no interest talking to them. I am a very silent girl in class but I like observing things. I used to show interest on listening to all the gossips about class girls and boys. It would be really funny. I used to enjoy that....

I felt days are just flying away. I completed my schooling with a good grade. Now i need to opt for higher studies. I should choose a good subject for a bright future. Ever since I know the imagination I am interested in science subjects because I am poor at mathematics. So I choose science as my main subject in my higher schooling.

I wish to have simple study which is not very tough. I like to study theory than studying practically. So I choose to do my degree in Nutrition and dietetics subject. As there are no colleges related to that in my city which we were currently living my dad thought to join me in vizag which have 5 hours of travelling from our city.

I was really excited to move to another city.

I joined my college there, I dint liked the college at the first sight but only this college have this course so I have to accept it.

Somehow I started liking the college, I got lot many friends there. My dad and bro also moved to vizag city as they couldn't live me alone in that city.

As my mom is a painter and singer I used to have interest on painting and singing too. but my voice is so terrible for singing. so painting became my biggest hobby. I used to do poster paintings. most probably I used to paint nature.

Days are going well. I enjoyed studying there. But I dint stop missing my mom. My mom is just not there in this world but she is there in my every dream. Her blessings are all with me. I feel like my mom is guiding me by my 'inner voice'.

I love you amma.