Broken Glass

I stare at the house, no longer seeing the castle of doom. All these memories have been torn down by the absence of the person. Metaphorically speaking, the fly is no longer caught in a web. The spider is gone. 

I can see all the memories through this mirror. The good times, where laughter and love was actually shared. Was it real? Was it a game? It felt real, even just in that small moment. The mirror doesn't reflect the truth, but my point of view. My feelings as things decayed or progressed. The times we shared some sort of affection, or even just cared about each other. Within those times, I can pick out the toxic moments that slipped past me temporarily. I see them now, but that doesn't change this sadness.

This mirror is meant to melt, to break, and reform into something beautiful. This isn't meant to stay, so regardless of the pain, I enjoy it while I can. The memories make me laugh, and wish things hadn't ended so rashly. It all went from sweet memories and "young love" to just absolutely nothing. A lot caused it, there is a reason for it. That doesn't make it any less painful, though. This was someone I thought I'd be happy with, someone I'd share myself with. And, watching it all fall apart so...quickly. It breaks my heart and makes me wonder how truly real it was. But, deep down I already know that answer. 

It wasn't real, not entirely. It wasn't fake, either. It was a child's dream of love, affection, and attention. A child's petty dream, where they are manipulated and played to be against others that have done them no harm. Just by a few words, a sentence, and the puppet is in place. Ready to strike, to be used as a pawn. And, that's not right. 

But, that doesn't make me hate any of it. I'd take some things back, maybe. But, seeing where I am now...would I take anything back? 

The mirror begins to melt as the glass shatters and falls apart slowly. I watch as the faces melt into silence and nothingness. There's nothing left but a puddle on the floor as if it was burned into liquid. These memories, they're gone. That person I saw, both of them, really. They're gone. 

Nothing is the same. I'm not the same, my life is not the same. And, the mirror begins to form once again. It reflects just that, me. My reality, my healing. It isn't fully formed, there are pieces that are still missing. Small parts of me that still need to heal, but finally can. The reality around me is no longer harsh and unlivable. But, it is blooming with rosebuds and sunlight in a once barren wasteland. 

While this feeling may hurt, or burn, it is the sensation of healing. The sensation of letting go of these old wounds, and letting them heal over into scars. But, these scars are not a reminder of pain or mistakes that I've made. These scars tell me how far I've come and how strong I have become to endure it all and survive. To still feel love, or happiness, after everything. That is a reward within itself. So, even with all this pain and mistreatment, I have endured, I can still feel these things and find happiness. True happiness.