10

-Cheonsa-

I was in my bedroom when I opened my eyes. There was no one here. I have an incredible pain in my head. I can't even get out of bed. I wish he was with me right now. But he left me, gave me hope, and left. However, I thought he wasn't even the last person to do this. Why did you leave me ?! Did you think I'd live without you? My eyes are crying for him once again. You hurt me again. You made me cry again. Did you promise my brother? What changed, me or you? Or was your love for me a lie? I don't even know what to think when I only have you in mind!

Cheonsa: I want to hate you! But I can't, I can't because I love you!

My voice got a little loud. Like a scream and ear-burning ... That's why Taehyung and Ainul Unni came into the room.

Taehyung: My angel... are you OK? What happened, dear?

Ainul Unni: Dear?

Cheonsa: Get out of here, I don't want it! Get out! I don't want to see anyone! Don't try to get in here again!

Taehyung: Don't shout at us for that, please! He broke you and left! Accept! He didn't like you! Stop worrying, crying, and thinking about him! You're hurting yourself!

Ainul Unni: My darling, she will get used to it. Now let's not go over her, let her overcome it. Let her forget him herself.

Taehyung: No! If it is up to her, she will never forget him!

Ainul Unni: No! This topic is closing! We won't go over Cheonsa! When she starts to feel good, we help her!

Taehyung: OK!

Cheonsa: Don't mess with me again! Don't come to my room! Do not mind me! And don't talk about him at my side, good or bad, no matter!

Ainul Unni: Ok dear, we are leaving. If you want something, just shout, we'll be downstairs. And remember, we are all here for you.

Cheonsa: just get out...

Ainul Unni: We do.

So they left the room. Again I am alone, with my thoughts. Then I remembered my bag, gifts, necklaces, ring, MP3 player, and ... the tape. I wanted to hear his voice and I got the MP3 player out of my bag. I went to the corner where the window was and sat down. Looking out the window. I put on my headphones and played the recording.

"Hello, Cheonsa! If you are listening to this, it means that you are alone in "your magical" place. I told you to come there, right? This day should be our week's anniversary ... Maybe you should be very angry with me right now, maybe you are planning to ask for an account the first time you see me. By the way, you haven't been able to reach me for two days ... First of all, I apologize to you. I didn't want things to be like that. I wouldn't. I apologize so much for not being with you right now, for not showing how much I love you. Maybe these are the last words I can tell you. But after listening to these, I definitely don't want you to cry. On the contrary, I want you to forget these and start a new life, a life that I am not in. Maybe I'm asking you for the hardest thing in the world for you right now, but you'll get used to it. You will get used to without me. I want you to know that I love you very much, but it would be best to forget each other. I will not be in your life from now on. Right now, all I want is for you to forget me. And that you don't call me. Remember the last time I promised I wouldn't let you go? That day I was deceiving you and myself. As of now, there is no bond or relationship between Kim Cheonsa and Park Jimin. Forget me! Because I'll forget you too! Do not worry about me! The gifts I gave you were also to make you happy for the last time. You will no longer need them. Delete all the memories of me in your life!"

I want to hate you so much but I can't resist you and I love you. Park Jimin, why did you go? Even if you just say why. But you are not doing. I love you and I will not forget you. The next week is our two-week anniversary, I'll wait for you again. Same place, same time, and same reason...

I listened to the recording over and over again. I miss him, very much. You were never gonna leave me? I don't understand!

Cheonsa: Jimin! Park Jimin! Where are you?! I miss you so much! Why you left me!

The door was knocked. I didn't answer. Again again and again.

Cheonsa: Who are you?!

Jungkook Oppa: Cheonsa, can I enter? It is me, Jungkook.

Cheonsa: Didn't I say nobody should come ?! Go away, Oppa! I do not want to talk!

Jungkook Oppa: Ok, you don't have to talk, but just listen to me... it's about him...

Cheonsa: I said go away! I don't want to hear anything! Especially about him!

Jungkook Oppa: Please, listen to me...

Cheonsa: GO AWAY!!!

I can't believe it! I shouted! My dumb head, I'm afraid of loud noise anyway. Am I the only person who is afraid of my own voice and then can cry! After hearing I shout, Jungkook Oppa came in and hugged me.

Jungkook Oppa: Ok, it's alright... We are here for you.

Cheonsa: Can you go, please!

Jungkook Oppa: No, we have to talk!

Cheonsa: Go away! Or don't go, talk to yourself, I won't listen to you!

Jungkook Oppa: You know, I love Jovihel so much. I had to fool her. Because of Jimin, he asked me to do it like this. Seeing my sister, you, like that, makes us all very sad ...

Cheonsa: What's that!

Jungkook Oppa: What?

Cheonsa: Why did he ask you to lie to Jovihel Unni?

Jungkook Oppa: I don't know exactly, but this is the best for all of you, and that's what parents wanted ...

Cheonsa: Oppa, go away! You are lying! Go away! Don't come to talk to me again!

Jungkook Oppa: Ok, sorry...

Cheonsa: Don't be sorry!

And he left the room. I hate everyone from now! I don't want to see anyone!

-The Next Day-

-Cheonsa-

I am at school. In the classroom, listening to music. Which song? Our song... Hometown Smile. I miss him so much. I only have him in my thoughts. I can't forget how you left me, your words, your looks, your eyes that became narrow when you smile ... Your sweet lip, kissing me ... How can I forget ?!

Ainul Unni: Cheonsa, dear, we are going out, do you want to come?

Cheonsa: ...

Ainul Unni: Cheonsa?

Cheonsa: Uhm, what?

Ainul Unni: I said we were going out and did you want to come?

Cheonsa: Are you still asking me? I DON'T WANT TO!

Ainul Unni: Ok, dear.

And she went out.

I am sitting alone in the classroom. Listening to our song. Thinking about you, me, us... Was it necessary to be like this? I have millions of questions that are unanswered, but even you don't come to answer them! You didn't really love me, did you? What if I know at least if you're breathing? There are thousands of questions I want you to answer right now, but first I want to ask: did you love me? I think you wouldn't go if you loved it! But why did you lie to me about you loved me for years? Why did you tell me you loved me so much? Most importantly, what do you know, why did you pretend to love even though you didn't? I'm just waiting for me to get used to being without you ... If I had thought in the past, I would have thought that I would get over this very soon. But I didn't even think about it, now I don't know how I would try to be me without you ...

I'm angry with myself too, crying for someone who didn't love me. Why don't my tears stop? Why can't I be the old me? Because Jimin is not with me! I am not in his heart either! I know! He never liked me! For the sake of my brother, for the sake of my friend for many years, if you told me that you were leaving! Would I be less frustrated? I do not know! Would I cry less? I do not know! But there is one thing I know, and that I will always love you! I will not love anyone but you! Whether you come back or not!

Now there is only one thing I want ... to smash my love and throw it to the deepest hole in my heart and focus on my future!

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Really sorry, my dear readers, but I have problems with my connection, so even I don't know when the next part will be published. I apologize for that now, too. So sorry!

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사랑해, 이마 and other lovely readers!

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