chapter 42

I jolted awake, my heart racing faster than a team of horses, my body temperature was really high, my vision was very blurry and for some reason the nightmare I had just woken up from wasn't  ending, I was still hearing dad's frail voice, I could still see his bony structure, I could hear myself cry, i wanted to scream but I couldn't, they were all over me, dad was everywhere. I crawled to the bathroom and threw up in the toilet . 

I stayed hovered over the toilet for a minute or so before I began frantically searching for my pills, popping two when I found them and reclining into a corner where I rocked myself till sunrise. 

This was a typical night for me, I couldn't tell when I had actually had a good night's sleep in the past two weeks. Every night started and ended the same, me laying down for a few hours and waking up drenched in sweat and listening to my own heart beat erratically.

I was currently sitting in Dylan's room along with Sierra. Dylan was setting up Netflix so we could watch something. We had agreed to do this because it had been a while since we really hung out just the three of us and Dylan convinced us into hanging out today.  

Today was also one of our classmates' birthdays. I honestly don't know who, but the girl was throwing a party and  we somehow got invited , so Dylan decided that we could hang out here all day and get ready for the party together later on. 

So We watched a few movies, gossiped, talked about Sierra and Ashton, they were doing great honestly, so was Dylan and Xavier. 

"Lia you're sweating," Dylan pointed out and I touched my face. There were beads of sweat on my forehead, I hadn't even noticed, I didn't feel hot or anything, it was actually really cold today.

"Are you okay, Lia?" Sierra asked and I gave her a small smile.

"Yeah, I have a naturally high body temperature, all these sweaters really ain't helping, lemme get a glass of water,"  I said with an awkward laugh hoping they would buy it, 

I went down the stairs and into the kitchen to get a glass of water, I took a few sips as I walked back to Dylan's room but something else caught my attention and caused me to stop. 

Hunter had his hands around Marrisa, hugging her and as if that wasn't torture enough, she raised her head and kissed him deeply on the mouth, his eyes didn't close but that was probably because of the sound of glass shattering, my glass. 

My eyes moved from them to the mess  I had made and  back to them. Hunter's expression wasn't something I could defindefine, but Marisa looked mad, she looked like she was about to claw my eyes out any moment.

"Ss..sorry..a..am..am so sorry," I stammered getting down to pick up the broken glass, but Hunter stopped me am  not sure when he had moved towards me but he was squatting right in front of me holding my hands to stop me from picking up the broken pieces, 

"You'll hurt yourself, it's okay I'll do it," he said looking straight in my eyes,  I was sure they had welled up with unshed tears  but it wasn't exactly something I could control. 

I stood up hastily and walked to Dylan's room where I slid down the door and started crying. 

"Lia what's wrong?" Dylan asked, his face etching into a worried expression. 

Sierra was rubbing circles on my back attempting to soothe me. 

"Lia, tell us, what's wrong, what happened, is it Hunter?" At the sound of his name I cried harder and I guess they figured it out.

"What happened?" And so I told them what had happened a few days ago, I told them about the kiss and the phone call, I told them everything and best believe I cried  and snorted all through it. Pathetic. 

Dylan looked really mad, Sierra looked sad for me but they both knew they couldn't really say anything, I mean what was there to say even, it wasn't worth it. 

"We don't have to go out tonight, we could just stay in, binge mean  girls and rest," Sierra proposed and Dylan nodded vigorously.

"Yah, and eat a lot of comfort food till you don't think of that asshole anymore,"  Dylan added and  I let out a small chuckle. 

"That asshole is your brother Dyl," I reminded.

"I know but it doesn't make him any less of an assgole for what he did," 

"I was equally to blame, I didn't fight it," I defended. I really don't know why though, clearly everything he said was a lie. I mean did I think he would break up with his super sexy, super fun girlfriend Marrisa after a moment of weakness where he kissed me, no not really, but seeing him kiss her just after he called me and declared wanting me more than anything, that hurt, a lot more than I can explain. 

"I know you like him Lia, but you can't defend him on this, why would he profess all that to you and then turn around and do this, that's a  shitbag move," Sierra argued. 

"Anyway that shouldn't ruin tonight, at least now I know, that's a lost cause, let's just have fun tonight," I said and they both sent me sad smiles. 

We picked out our outfits, did our hair and makeup, honestly I am still questioning the logic behind partying in winter, but hey, anything to drown the sorrow. 

By the time we were done it was dark outside and I still wasn't feeling so good, I didn't tell my friends anything, I didn't want to ruin this for them, so I decided I just wouldn't drink tonight, I popped my pills to come my nerves and we made our way to the party. 

Bodies, bodies everywhere, people grinding on each other the noise was extremely too much the lights were irritating the shit out of me and to top it all off I had a migraine.

"Guys I am gonna sit over there, yall mingle," I whispered to both of them and they nodded. I  had already told them I wouldn't be drinking and that calmed them a bit.

I sat down on a couch set up by the window next to two freshmen making out like they were alone, watching them gave me a feeling of nausea and soon I found myself running through the house trying to find a bathroom. 

There were so many bodies, I couldn't move without making contact with someone at this point I was going to throw up on someone. Luckily a door opened and someone walked out. It was left open enough for me to notice it was the bathroom so I walked faster and spewed my guts out as soon as I was above that toilet seat. 

I don't know how long I was kneeling over the toilet gagging before I stopped, but when I did stop I felt that migraine intensify, I walked out eyes half closed when I ran into someone, she was a girl I could tell but I couldn't make out anything else.

"Gosh are you okay?" The girl asked

" I have a crazy migraine, please tell me you have some painkillers," I practically begged and am not so sure what she said next because of the ringing in my ears but I did feel her place a pill in my hand, i swallowed it without water, and begun to move towards a more quiet part of the house. 

My head still hurts but not nearly as much as earlier. I splashed water on my face but froze when I felt someone stand behind me,

I turned around and saw Hunter looking directly at me, and I don't know where I got the bravery from but I walked up to him and punched him in the face before I started to walk away. 

He recovered quickly and started to follow me but I was determined to get away from him, I didn't want him to keep messing with my head.

"Lia wait," he said trying to take my hand but I pulled out of his hold asif his touch burned.

"I don't want to talk to you, I don't want anything to do with you Hunter Daniels,"  I said not bothering to look at him or stop my movements

"Fuck,  please, just look at me, let's talk," this time he grabbed me and managed to make me look at him.

"No, no because all you do is lie and lie and lie," I said repeatedly stabbing my pointing finger in his chest. 

"I didn't lie Lia, I meant every word.." 

"Ohh yeah..... so you go and kiss her after professing your feelings for me,."

"She kissed me Lia,.." 

"I'm so sick of this," I tried to turn around but he grabbed me again.

"Lia, I can't leave her right now but I swear to God, I don't want her, getting back together was a mistake, it was supposed to make you jealous but you didn't seem to care so I stayed with it but i only care for her as a friend, and I know how selfish I sound right now, but it's the truth, you're the only one I want, only you," he said and my breath hitched, his face was close to mine and his eyes looked like pretty stars, it was all I could see as a deep darkness consumed me. 

I felt my legs give up but my body didn't hit the ground, his big strong arms were around me, I could hear him calling for help, what for, am not sure but he sounded scared, so terribly scared.