chapter 41

The kiss was fast, impatient, wild, it was more than both of us looking for comfort, it was a declaration of something we dared not say to each other.

It was fire and ice, passion and pain, it  erased any form of rationality I had left and left me clouded with one thing and one thing only Hunter Dsniels.

His hands pulled me from my seat and settled me on his lap with so much dexterity, my hands were running through his hair pulling and massaging making him groan but his lips never left mine, it's like we both knew it was the magical spell holding this moment together, if we broke that connection we'd have to face reality of what we were doing, and how unfair it is. 

His hands went down to my lower back, my hips buckled, I was grinding on him, an intense fire building in my core and lower abdomen, I let out a moan when his hands gripped my ass, my mouth left his, the spell broke, but he wasted no time to attack my neck and jaw. 

A decision had to be made, to be selfish and cave to my deepest urges or take this for what it actually is, he needs destruction from the things he's dealing with.

He planted a kiss on my chest and I gasped, I could feel the hardness of his groin and it was making this all the more difficult, I had never wanted someone the way I wanted Hunter right now, but it wasn't worth my pride nor would it help me move on from him in any way. 

With whatever strength I had left I pushed at his chest and got him to stop his compelling kisses. I wanted to cry at the loss of his wet yet warm kisses on my skin.

But this had to happen.

I looked at him and it's like he came back on earth and realized what had just happened. I got off of  him and we didn't say anything about it. 

That's the thing about us, we didn't need words to communicate, we just always knew and right now we had agreed that this was wrong and it shouldn't have happened. 

After a while he finally spoke.

"I'm sorry about what I just did," he said in a low tone.

"It takes two to tangle Hunter," I replied monotonously yet all I wanted to do was cry.

"Still, it shouldn't have happened, that was wrong of us," he said, each word was true, it was nothing I didn't know, yet as he spoke, each word was like a cut to my heart.

"Yeah," I agreed, staring out the window.

"Am gonna go, I parked over there," I had honestly not noticed his car and I knew he could be lying but I also didn't want to be trapped in a small space with him any much longer so I I nodded and I didn't look at him as he got out and started to walk away, I just wanted to go home and cry again. 

The house was quiet when I got back, I went upstairs to check on JJ and he was in his room playing stirr blade.

"Hey LJ, where did you go?" He asked and I gave him a sad smile.

"For a drive, why?  Did you miss me?" I teased and he rolled his eyes 

"No, I am too old to miss," he said and I made a face.

"That's not true, who told you that? There's no age limit to missing your big sister buddy," I said, tickling his belly, destructing  him in the process, making him lose the game. He laughed and begged me to stop. 

"Alright I missed you, you win," he said and I gave him a cheeky smile.

"Great can I play my game now, "

"Sure, am going to my room to take a nap.. hey where did mum and Finn go?" I asked and he shrugged, 

Of course trust them to leave an eight year old alone.

"Is Matilda here?" 

"Yeah she came an hour after they left, she's baking I think," he answered and I nodded before going to my room, I picked up my bottle of pills and took one, threw myself on the bed and waited for all the tension to leave my system. 

I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing and I picked up the phone without checking the caller ID.

"Hello?" I asked sleepily, the person on the other side of the line wasn't speaking but I could hear him breathe, the hair at the back of my neck rose and I sat up from my bed, took the phone away from my ear and  saw who had called.

I placed the phone on my ear again 

"Hunter" I whispered, am not sure why but for some reason I couldn't get myself to just say his name, it felt like a secret, he felt like a secret. 

After sometime he finally said something that left me shook

"I don't regret it," 

I wasn't sure what to think, say or do, I felt tongue tied, God knows how much I craved that particular sentence but I didn't know how confusing and emotionally strenuous it would feel. 

"Hu..Hunter. " I stammered 

"I know I shouldn't, I know what we did was wrong to both our partners, bit I cant get myself to feel the slightest bit of remorse over it, I cant seem to forget the taste of your lips, fuck I can't even forget you're scent, you're all am thinking about, every time I close my eyes I just see you and me and what happened earlier,"

"Hu..Hunter we..we cant..we...we shouldn't.." 

"I know that Lia, fuck I know that, I've told myself that since that day in you kitchen, I've told myself I shouldn't want you, because you didn't want me, I had all these reasons back then and it was simpler, now though, it's all gone, after that kiss we just shared, I just cant seem to remember why am not kissing you every day, why am not the one buying you dinner, why am not the one you're kissing in swimming pools, why I cant fuck you senseless, am fucking consumed by you and I dont know how to make it stop, its driving me insane Lia," he sounded like he was crying.

"Are you drunk Hunter?" I asked and he was quiet for a while but I knew the answer.

"A little bit," he replied 

"Are you in your room?" 

"Yeah" 

"Good, I want you to lay down and relax okay, we will talk about this when you're sober.." 

"Don't hang up," he said hurriedly and my breath caught. 

"I meant every word I said, i may never have the confidence to say it all again but i meant it Lia," something about the way he said every word made me smile for a bit

"I know.... go to sleep Hunter," I whispered and soon I heard his light snores before I hung up. 

What the fuck am I supposed to do now?