chapter 40

"Its cold out here" I spoke trying to get his attention as I made little steps towards where he was crunched up against the wall 

His head lifted so he could look at me and then he looked away with an irked expression on his face ignoring me all together. 

"Alright. The cold shoulder," I whispered, mostly to myself but decided to try again. 

"Are you okay?" 

"Do you care?" He snapped back and I subconsciously took a step back. He noticed my move and shook his head. He clearly hadn't meant for it to come out so aggressively but he Made no move to apologise either. 

Every single part of me was screaming for me to leave, to mind my own goddamn business but leaving him here didn't sit right with me.

Trying to comfort him right now would do me no good, it would only draw me closer yet I was trying to get over him, I needed to get over this infatuation I have towards him. But I simply couldn't get myself to move. 

"It's cold Hunter,..... let's go to my car," I tried again this time trying to pull him up as well and I was thankful when he didn't object. 

He followed closely behind me taking careless reluctant steps until we were in my car. I turned the heat on full blast in an attempt to get him to feel a little  warmer and then we settled into a very intense and sad silence. 

"Am a good listener incase you wanna talk about whatever's got you like this," I said and he  scoffed making me snap my head in his direction 

What is his problem? 

"What's your problem exactly, I am trying to be nice?" I snap

"No body is asking for your fucking niceties Lia, what do you think I am some charity case," he yells back

"No I don't think that.....  you were at the back of a store punching a goddamn wall, I decide hey, maybe he needs someone to talk to and somehow am the bad guy," 

"Yeah, fuck that, go be nice to your fucking boyfriend.."

"How is that even coming up right now? That's so irrelevant, you're so immature," 

"Immature? me?.."

"Yes, goddamn you're fucking immature, I don't even know why I bother with you Hunter, you're an ass," 

"Rich coming from you Lia, real fucking rich Lia, am an ass yet somehow you're the one that led me on for weeks just to turn out to be in love with some other guy," 

" I led you on? fuck you Hunter, am not the one that kissed one girl one day and turned around and made out with his ex the next.." 

"That only fucking  happened because you rejected m…..fuck.. you just snapped at me after the whole thing and avoided me all together, am not some fucking robot Lia I get hurt," 

We were both breathing heavy, this was too much information to process all at once, all that yelling had left me breathless, I reclined in my seat and he looked out the window. 

"I didn't reject you Hunter, I was going through somethings, it doesn't matter now anyway, you're in a relationship, and you're doing great," I said closing my eyes, everything I said was right, it was the best and rational thing to say, but my heart greedily yelled for me to be selfish and ask him to be mine, I couldn't do that to Marrisa or anyone, I hated her but I didn't want to be that person.

"Yeah and you're dating Trevor," he said, I thought about correcting him but I didn't want to make this any more complicated than it was 

We were quiet for sometime before he spoke again.

"My dad is donating all of my mom's and brother's old things,..." I looked at him.

"I mean it makes sense, they've been gone 5 years, holding on to their stuff wont bring them back but... I don't know how to deal with it all, I guess it's not something I ever thought to prepare for.

And I am still angry at my dad for not being around much when they were here, they always missed him, am sorry, am sorry, am rumbling," he was but I shook my head and sent him a small smile.

"It's okay.. what happened to them?" I asked very gently not wanting him to feel pressured.

"They died in a car crash when I was 14...

My brother, Harry and I .....we were really close, we liked the same things, and the fact that I was three years older never created a drift between us like in most sibling relationships. This one time we saw a waterpark commercial and we were psyched, we pleaded for mum to take us for a week, she finally curved and drove us down there over the weekend. Honestly speaking, that drive to the water park was the best fucking time of my life....." he smiled sadly at the memory.

"Anyway while we were there dad called mum, he was back from another trip and he wanted to see us, she was so excited, she wanted to cut our little trip short, and of course I threw a tantrum, I didn't want to go home just yet, I was angry at my dad because he was never home enough. 

My mum got really mad at my petty behaviour she got in the car with Harry and told me she's going to leave me at the park if I didn't get in the car in the next 5 seconds, she'd leave without me, I wasn't scared because she always did this, she'd drive a little ahead and I'd yell for her to stop then we'd go home and it's exactly what she did, except when she stopped this time  a car came swerving out of nowhere and crashed into hers, " he stopped as if reliving the memory and I let my hand fall down on his to show him that am here and it okay.

" I watched the whole thing happen and upto now I can't explain it, I cant put the scene in words, I only remember sitting in the hospital with dad crying my eyes out, mom died upon arrival and Harry fought for a few days but he didn't make it either," I saw the tear escape his right eye and I was pretty sure I was crying as well.

"It's so hard sometimes to think I was supposed to be in that car, this is probably my punishment, sometimes I wish....." I didn't let him finish, I flung my hands around his neck and let him shudder on my shoulders. That was heavy, and I wanted nothing more than to let him feel my embrace and my love. 

I pulled away and looked him in the eyes, hands cupping either side of his cheeks.

"You are here for a reason Hunter, this was not some mistake, you didn't dodge death, Hunter you have a purpose here, and you're loved and appreciated," I said and he stared at me dumbfounded For a minute. 

I couldn't read the emotions that passed through his eyes and i wanted to give him a reassuring but his lips captured mine before i could knocking the air right out of me, and in that moment I didn't have it in me to fight what I felt,  I needed him to know just how much I need him here, just how much i care.