chapter 39

JJ was telling me about all the animals he had fed when we went to the animal shelter asif I wasn't there with him, and I sat and smiled all through it because I hadn't seen him this happy and I know he was using animals as a new destruction from dad's upcoming anniversary, he was a kid but it didn't mean he didn't feel this as bad as I did. 

My mom sauntered into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water sending JJ an annoying smile.

"JJ honey, can you go to your room for a bit, I'd like to talk to Lia," my brother's eyes averted from me to her and back to me obviously questioning what the witch had to say to me but he got up nonetheless and walked to his room. 

"Are you leaving again?" I asked, fighting the urge to roll my eyes, I should be used to this by now, and even if I tell myself I don't care countless of times, she's still my mom and I obviously wished she could make some type of effort towards our relationship. 

"Not until after new years..." I rolled my eyes 

"But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about  ....." she continued and I listened closely, she looked unsure which only ever happened never. I didn't know anyone that was sure of themselves as my mother. 

"Your father's anniversary is coming up," I tensed up, where was she going with this. 

"Uhhmm..... are you planning on visiting him?" She asked.

"Yeah, I promised JJ we would visit,"  I said looking at my book. 

"Uhhmm, it's quite a distance ..and the weather...." 

"What are you getting at here?" I asked actually confused at what she was trying to do because if it was trying to get us not to go then she's got a whole other thing coming her way. 

"I just dont think it's the greatest Time to be travelling," she said, gulping down her water. 

"What do you even mean, it will always be this time of the year when he's anniversary comes, the weather will always be like this, it's not something we can magically change," I snapped. Is she seriously trying to make me change my mind about this? 

"I know, but is it really necessary to go this year, it's the first year, JJ has been coping quite well, I think he needs time before having to reface what happened," 

"Mom, he asked me to take him, he asked me, am not forcing this on him, and what do you know about JJ's coping, you've barely been with him a full month, there's always something more important than him,"  I yelled.

"Lia i did not bring this up to argue with you, I was trying to look out for both of you," 

"Then if you worry about the journey advise us on which means you think are safer..... if you're worried about JJ's copping, come with us so he could have another shoulder to cry on, be fucking supportive for once mom, it's all we've ever wanted," 

"You don't get it Lia, travelling at this time of the year is expensive...." 

"Says the person that flies out for vacation 5 times a year," I rolled my eyes and laughed humorlessly. 

"You're such a hypocrite ..." 

"Dont you fucking disrespect me Lia, I just wanted to spend Christmas with my kids, just this once, I just wanted all of us together as a family," 

"What does it matter if we spend Christmas here or in Wisconsin, just come with us, this is important for JJ and I, this once mom please choose us," I was pleading with her 

And at that moment her assistant walked in.

"Ma'am, the planner you requested for the Christmas gala just asked that you meet with the decorators, he said a meeting over the phone wouldn't work for their type of work, they'd need to see the venue," the tall Brunette said and my eyes wandered back to my mother, disappointment as clear as daylight in them. 

So this is why she didn't want us to stay, of course, i should have known, because Ava Presley does not care for anyone except her mother fucking self and looking good in the public eye. 

"Wow mom..... just wow," I said, fighting the tears in my eyes and grabbing my car keys before waltzing out of there not listening to her explanations, I didn't need to hear more lies from her. 

Honestly I didn't know why I bothered, I dont know why I cared after all the things she has done this should not have surprised me, but  the stupid hope I held onto that she would care one day, that she would one day come to her senses and realise she has two kids that need her love and attention, was still there, and as much as I hated it, it would always be their because she's my fuvking mother and no matter what happens, I will always love her, always. 

I cried for what felt like hours as I drove, I was shouting over the music trying to calm myself but the frustration was just getting worse, tears blurred my vision so I decided to pull over before I hurt someone, I hadn't brought my pills so I was left to face these stupid feelings.

After sometime I stopped crying, my lips were still trembling from my breakdown and the cold, the music was turned down but I could still make out the artist's rugged voice in the speakers. He's hoarse tone and the slow tune were making this a whole lot more painful for me, luckily the host of the show started to talk again as the song came to an end. 

My eyes were staring out into nothingness when something caught my eye, someone actually.

He was standing at the back of a grocery store punching a wall, eyes shut in what am guessing is anger or pain, he turned and leaned against the wall before sliding down helplessly and burying his head in his arms over his knees, what could have gotten him like this