chapter 46
The twelfth day was 'for lack of a greater word', Tough. I was anxious and worried, I would be going home in two days, which meant I'd be back at school in four.
My head kept wallowing around what everyone thought, a stupid druggie am sure of that, what did my friends think, do they even still like me, I had asked them to give me space and they respected that but what if they didn't like me anymore.
"Lia..." mrs Sharma's sultry voice pulled me out of my trance
"What's on your mind ?" She asked when she was sure she had my full attention. I was quiet for a while trying to look for an honest and less jumbled answer like the ones in my head.
"Am just a little anxious about Friday I guess,"
"Do you not miss your family and friends?"
"I do, I miss my little brother terribly and my friends, I guess I'm just worried that they might look at me differently now, I hate that I caused them so much worry," I said looking at the ground.
"Am sure they miss you too Lia, what happened was Terrible and scary, but they love you and what happened wont change anything," she sent me a small smile and I bit my lip while nodding surely, I really wanted to believe her, I really wanted to but I guess i will have to see it to believe it.
"On that note, you'll continue to see me once a week, Saturdays at 2PM, please dont forget and don't skip sessions, you've made a lot of progress, we wouldn't want you to fall into that hole again,"
She was right, I had had a lot of progress, I didn't feel the strong urge to disappear that I did once, I didn't feel like I was pretending all the time, and the thought of my dad was not as insufferable as it once was, I was healing.
Friday rolled in faster than I had wished, I had conflicting emotions within me about the whole thing, I was happy to be going home, but sad that I'd have to face a lot of people, I was excited to see my friends again, but scared that they would reject me, and with these emotions I had successfully spent the whole night up and was now applying concealer to cover up my eye bags.
I watched My mother's black Escalade start to park in the small parking lot of Orley psychiatric hospital. She was thirty minutes early, something I had never seen happen in my life but I didn't let myself dwell on it.
I walked towards the car and laughed as JJ jumped out and sprinted my way, wrapping his hand around me in a hearty hug.
"I missed you so much Lia," he said softly and i had to fight the urge to cry, I couldn't get myself to speak, I was scared I would start crying so I just stroked his cheek and smiled down at me, my mother was out of the car, she smiled unsurely, and for some reason I smiled back which made her smile twice as wide.
We drove home, JJ talking my ears off. I was quite shocked at how comfortable he had gotten with mum in the time I was away but I was also glad for it. The boy needed a parent. He told me about his school and all his new friends. I was happy that he was happy.
"Do you want to eat something? I cooked" I couldn't quite understand her today, she was very different than usual, she was looking at me hopefully and I just couldn't get myself to say no.
"Can I take a shower first?" I asked and she nodded happily, waltzing to the kitchen to set everything up probably.
I walked to my room, I don't know why I thought it would be different, in someway at least, it didn't, it looked the same, my bed was neatly tucked in and the books on my bed were in order, there were no clothes on my floor everything was clean, the windows were open allowing in the warm rays of the sun, I sat on my bed and pat the covers, it felt nice to be here, I thought I'd feel suffocated but on the country my heart was at peace, everything was calm, I looked at the cell phone in my hand an debated calling Sierra and Dylan, I was nervous about that considering we hadn't talked in more than two weeks as per my request but a part of me really wanted them to reach out I guess.
Though I understand, I seemed fragile from where I stood and so whatever I wanted they would give.
I went through my phone and clicked on Dylan's name before I over thought myself into cowardice.
The phone rang but he wasn't picking and right before I could hang up, someone answered.
"Hello." That was not Dylan, not at all, I could recognize that voice anywhere,
"Hello...." I tried to open my mouth to speak but I couldn't and so I did the logical thing, I hung up.
Why would Hunter answer Dylan's phone? As far as I knew, Dylan didn't go anywhere without his phone. I looked down at the number I had called.
Of course. It was their damn houseline, Dylan gave it to me some time ago when he wanted my help to sneak out for the weekend.
Gosh, why did I save it as Dylan, what a mess.
I scrolled through my phone again and this time I carefully looked at each number before I pressed the call button.
"Lia.... is that you?" He said, he's voice sounded very shocked and I had to bite my tears back.
"Yeah," my reply was small. And I could hear Sierra scream in the background, they got into a battle of who got to talk first which made me laugh amidst the tears running down my face, then they settled for loudspeaker.
"Lia, we missed you so fucking much, where are you, are you home can we come see you, Gosh am shaking," sierra spewed and I laughed at the thought of her jumping up and down in excitement like a baby with a sugar rush.
"I'm home Sierra but I just got here so I can't really leave. Could you guys pick me up on Monday so we can ride together to school?"
"Yessss," they screamed in unison.
"How has school been though, I never thought I'd say this but I missed that place," they proceeded to tell me about how boring school was without me around and told me about all the couples that broke up.
Was I waiting to hear if Hunter and Marrisa broke up, yes, did that part reach, no, was I hurt, yes, more than I thought I would, but mrs.Sharma taught me how to accept things that are beyond my control, this was one of those things. He was never going to leave her and I needed to give up my sick infatuation over him and I was going to, but first I am going to stress eat.