Just Another High School Story!

This scared her, would she be able to control the urge to throw up, or would she succumb to her weaker self, the little voices inside her head telling her to drop it, telling her she was going through a phase and she'd crumble again. Leah was a poetess, an incredible one. Words flowed out of her like tears, easily... but she was tired of holding a pen only when she was sad, she'd decided to dive in deep, peek a there soul, to write stories, she wasn't sure what kind, she just knew that she liked writing... she wanted to become a writer... she felt like books held a world unbeknownst to the reader, every time a reader opens a book, they don't know what they're in for, they trust the writer and read words, sentences, paragraphs, pages, until they finish the book or leave it halfway. A book can change someone's life, help them, Leah knew how she felt, she wanted comforting words, someone to confide in, she felt that for now it could only be herself, she needed to understand who she was as a person, what her beliefs were, needed to deconstruct her mindset, restore her relationship with food, get to know herself enough to be able to answer right away when someone asked who she was, what she liked, what she stood for, but most importantly she needed to see through the mist that surrounded her life right now, a mist that had been there for a long time, Leah'd felt like a bird with broken wings who'd been left in an unlocked cage, as if trying to tease her, telling her that she couldn't escape even if the cage was unlocked, she needed to heal her scars, it would hurt, it would take time, but it would be worth it.

Do you think change is easy? Will Leah easily transform into the person of her dreams, an admirable person, admired by herself as well as others, will the path she's taking, the destination she's headed to appear without effort, hard-work, blood, sweat and tears, no! It'll be hard, you'll accompany her and see her stumble, give up and get up again, be frustrated, see her final, see her cry, after all, "No easy road ever led to greatness".

Leah had made an omelette for herself, greasing the pan with olive oil, something she couldn't be anxious about, olive oil was healthy, Leah was reading a blog called Lifestyle and Positivity, which had a series called, "The Red Diaries", the blogger had written about her bulimia story and Leah was trying to get an idea as to how she could improve her eating habits, as a bulimic, one of the hardest things is, not looking at food as food, but calories, fat, something that couldn't possibly make you happy, Leah felt guilty about every bite she took and so eating breakfast wasn't easy, but she needed to start eating frequently, she needed to eat... as Leah was taking a spoonful of the omelette, she gagged automatically, it was wired into her brain, she wanted to run to the bathroom and throw up and she could almost see herself doing it but she pulled through, she didn't puke, she finished the omelette strutted out the door happily, it took a lot of courage to not purge, you might think that that's weird, isn't keeping food in more natural than wanting to puke it all out... but that's exactly it, as a bulimic, it feels more natural to feel empty, you hurt because of the starving and then you're driven to binging, it's a vicious cycle that can be fatal, Leah knew that she'd felt like she'd die because of food , she'd said this more as a prophecy than as a joke and even though she acted tough, it broke her heart to feel like this, feel so insignificant and obsessed. While other people enjoyed their food, she didn't instead she ate little and then hungry often ended up eating twice of what she supposed a normal person would. What does that mean? She could never tell when she was full, it was like her brain didn't work, when she ate, she ate a lot and didn't realise she was full, when she ate little she felt hungry, under eating, satiating herself with food and then feeling horrible, her life was a mess.

Leah got to school and was greeted by a cute stray cat, the cat was meowing and it looked like it was in pain, Leah squatted down and looked at the cat, the cat seemed to have hurt its leg, it was whining and so Leah petted the cat and took out a handkerchief that she loved, it was clean and had teddy bears drawn on it, she disinfected the cats wound and wrapped it around her leg like a bandage, the cat seemed like it couldn't possibly walk and seemed to eye Leah with such badgering eyes that Leah couldn't help but pick it up and take it with her, she placed the cat in her lap and thought about where she could keep the cat, Snuffles would love to have a partner to play with and Leah's heart would feel uneasy if she just left the cat, she got an idea, Leah got her sports bag and put the cat in it, chains open for her to breathe and put the cat in their school garden, near the volleyball court, she'd given the cat milk that she'd bought for herself and told the cat, "Khidariyo!" which means wait in Korean, Leah just realised that she felt cool, cats were cool, everything seemed pleasant, food had given her joy when she shared it but she realised that she didn't want to have any milk anymore, now that it was out of her sight, it was out of mind, she skipped it, and when she entered the auditorium, which was where she was meeting Ethan, this was where they'd plan events and organise things so that they could work peacefully and the auditorium was a nice place to hang out at, it was colourful, the walls were decorated with paintings and poems that the students had written and once cherished, little reminders of their existence, she'd helped her seniors decorate, thinking about old memories, Leah felt bitter, there were senior boys that had hit on her and made her uncomfortable, they were inappropriate with their words and behaviour so Leah had stopped hanging out with them. Later that day, she'd heard them laughing among themselves and making fun of her, she'd felt furious, and reverted to her go-to emotions, sadness. Instead of confronting them, she'd launched herself into projects, she wondered why she remembered details so well, was it a punishment from God??