Just Another High School Story!

Leah, on the other hand, was doing a good job, degrading herself by being next to him, she looked at him, how he ate freely, lived happily, and honestly, it was painful, she'd be envious at times but never show it, and on top of that, they used Social Media, and it was killing her, girls commented on his posts that he was really cute or super popular but Leah seemed to shine less in front of him, on top of that, they made comments about her body, how she didn't have a think waist or a perfect body, and her mental health was getting worse every day. She couldn't work out anymore, without breaking down, words hold so much power that they can create a world, how do you think someone feels when you say something degrading or mean, it can crush people, ruin them, so please, don't ever make mean comments, don't let someone else suffer just because you've got the power to say words to them, or write something that they can see, in a world that scares newborns, teenagers and adults alike, don't let your words become a weapon. Everyone thinks that since we haven't had a big war in such a long time, our countries, our world is peaceful, what they don't consider is that the billions of people living on Earth are all still fighting, individual battles, battles that no one can see, no one can hear, screams that are left unheard but there's noise in silence, suffering that can blow your mind away, therefore, as a human, we have a responsibility, if you're not willing to help someone fight their battle, don't help the enemy territory, teenagers feel pressured to be perfect when in reality standards aren't constant, something that is 'trendy' right now will change in the future, if you decide that you're going to change as things do, then you might lose your essence. These battles of ours have gotten so much harder, just because we don't know whom we're fighting anymore, is it someone else, or possibly, is our biggest enemy, our own self?

Leah thought a little and answered E's question as to why she didn't make any girl-friends, and just stuck with her guy-group, "Ever since I was a little girl, I've been raised in a house where I wasn't the most important, especially being a twin, Linda seemed brighter than me, not in terms of grades, just in terms of personality and charm. I always thought she was more well liked. My mom, and dad got divorced when we were 11, we've been living with our dad ever since. I've always been compared to Linda; whenever my mom wants to make a point, she'll compare us; tell me how Linda is perfect. She's the perfect size for a girl, then I guess as I grew up, I began hating myself for not being my sister ,I didn't ever feel hate towards Linda, I just felt hatred towards myself, I hated that I couldn't be the perfect daughter my mom wanted. My dad always sticks up for me, and so I thought maybe, just maybe, they even got divorced because of me, I hated myself and I decided to cut down on food, I stopped eating junk altogether, and started eating less, if I used to have cereal, one bowl, I just cut it out, I don't know when but I even got obsessed with labels and keeping a journal, counting calories and meals, ever bite, I took made me feel guilty, as if I was committing a crime, then it started for real, I used to be so hungry at night that I'd bitten all my nails off from the hunger and anxiety, on top of that my mom got a little harsher, butter was the only thing I loved and chocolates but ever since I had started getting chubbier, she cut them out, completely, she didn't want me to do anything with butter or chocolates, and so began my bulimia story.

I started sneaking food, I used to eat at night, and I'd eat until my stomach hurt, it got to this point where I couldn't understand when my stomach got full and I ate and ate until it felt like I wanted to throw up, so I did. It used to be painful, laying down after binging and I felt guilty about eating the food that I did eat, therefore, the best option seemed to be getting rid of all that I'd eaten, and so I became obsessed, I could eat, and I wouldn't gain weight if I threw it all up, right? So that is exactly what I did, I put my knuckles in my mouth and nudged until I barfed it all out, the pain was gone from all the binging, and I realised that I didn't gain weight. But what followed was darker, my mom realised that I was sneaking food, and so she made me go on this diet, I was so angry all the time, I couldn't study properly, during algebra, I'd be thinking about food, during all my other classes, then A.Ps, all I could do was think about food and how awesome it would feel to eat. That's how slowly, food became my world, a world that was crumbling, fast, falling, and I didn't stop even until I was in pieces, overwhelmed by the weight, I continued to purge, and then I couldn't stop, it became this vicious cycle of binging and purging. This one time, I'd taken pills to kill myself, Linda found me lying on the floor, and she took me to the hospital, I begged her not to tell anyone. She wanted to help me, but I couldn't understand a thing she said. All I was thinking about was how tired I was, I felt exhausted, I felt so exhausted, bulimia is a monster, I thought and I don't want to fight it anymore, I just want to rest. Forever. That's when the suicidal thoughts started coming into my head. I didn't fantasise about some heaven, I'd be fine with a different hell, since food had made my life such a hell but I couldn't bring myself to do it. All I could think of then, was about my family, and how they'd hate me, think that I left them to suffer through the humiliation of having a coward as a daughter, on top of that Linnie was already having a hard enough time with studying, I thought about how people would tease her about me, how schools would use my story as an example to tell people not to kill themselves, I didn't want to become a poster, therefore, I realised that hating myself would be enough. I could get through each day if I lived this way. Then we graduated middle school and high school started. You had been bullying me but there was news that you'd left this place, and I was ecstatic, I thought that this could be my new beginning, I didn't realise that surroundings could change but the didn't matter as long as I remained the same. I became this false me, and I forgot who I really was. What I like, I stopped writing, I don't even know why, it's the only thing I ever loved, I don't know why I even played volleyball, or when I started playing it, but when I had to stop, it was too much. I didn't do anything anymore, I started having time to think about the loser me again. It was destructive. All that I'd worked toward was lost in this mist of confusion, I realised that I started behaving as someone I didn't even know. I couldn't recognise myself anymore. So, as to your question, the reason why I hang out with guys is because I feel safe around them, they don't compare sizes or talk about shapes, or how thin or pretty someone is. Guys talk about soccer, and weird memes that I never understand. I can laugh however I want, I don't have to be a 'lady' to be respected. They respect my hardworking, and determination, the fact that I can keep up. On top of that, they don't comment on your calves, or shoes, or how weird it is that you don't wear skinny jeans. They don't make a fuss, or make you feel like you're not fit to be a part of their group. That is why. Because I felt alone, and they could give me comfort, I derived comfort from the fact that I wasn't being judged." After she finished, she was teary eyed, she'd never said her whole story to anyone out loud, God, she was scared that Ethan would run away, and think she's a freak, so she'd kept it all in. But now that she'd spoken it all out loud, it was a huge relief, she felt lighter.