CHAPTER 8

"Music is moonlight in that gloomy night of life."

—

Jean Paul

✯

Very often, River knew the answers to the reasons why he did certain things.

1—He had dated Cassandra because it was convenient for both of them. Cassandra was fond of him and he didn't want to be in a relationship with someone who needed his constant attention.

2—He'd escorted Autumn and her roommate, Danielle back to their dorm the previous day out of chivalry and not because he wanted to keep listening to Autumn's voice as she talked.

Right now though, if someone walked up to him and asked him why the hell he'd answered Cassandra's call, he'd come up short.

River Crowns had woken up to the sound of his phone ringing. There was only one person who called him that early in the morning and it was his mom. The second one. Tierra Austin. She only called that early when he went on tour and he was sure as hell he wasn't on tour right now.

The contact was saved as 'Cass' and yet he'd gone and picked up anyway and as expected, Cassandra broke down.

"So this is what I get, River?" she asked without a prelude. "After everything we've been through you dump me, ignore me, leave the fucking state, and for what? For letting myself fall for you? What the fuck is wrong with you? We had something. You said–"

"I know what I said," River interrupted as he rubbed his eyes to rid them of sleep and raked his fingers through his bed hair.

"Then why the hell would you do this? I did nothing wrong but love you, you miserable, selfish fucktard."

"It's not about you, Cassandra."

"Really? The 'it's-not-you-it's-me' card, River? I thought you were fucking better than this."

"That's not what I meant," River said. He was so not ready for this conversation. "I'm not good for you."

Cassandra scoffed. "I'm 25, River. Why don't you let me decide what's good for me."

"You know sooner or later you'd want to get married and have kids and I–"

"Don't give me that bullshit you told to the other girls," Cassandra spat. "It's insulting. I'm not blind. I've seen how you are with Skylar. You're great with children. You just don't want that with me."

If only Cassandra knew how close she was to the truth before she said that last part. River wasn't lying. It was about him but no one ever solved the mystery. Cassandra was the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

"I don't want it. Period."

"Of course you don't,"Cassandra said with a hint of mockery in her tone. "You've got everything already and you're just ruining everyone else's chances of happiness."

"Cassandra, I'm sure you didn't call me to talk about my success so would you mind telling me why you called?" River asked. "Perhaps, to ruin my morning? You know how I enjoy mornings."

"I need closure, you cocky, disgusting, asshole," Cassandra bit out. "I need to know why you did it."

"You know why, Cass," River said, his tone softening.

"I need to hear you say it so I can let you go."

River listened to the sound of Cassandra's voice. Autumn's voice was naturally softer than hers. He could tell that vassandra's sounded a bit raspy from crying and believe it or not, he felt bad for what he'd done.

As River's reputation preceded him. Cassandra was blonde but Autumn was not. Her hair was a shade in-between blonde and brunette. The star felt petty. Selecting the women he dated for something as irrelevant as hair color? He'd feel worst if he'd been doing it on purpose. He wasn't searching for anything in particular. He wasn't searching period. But stupidly, he'd let the rumor go on for too long.

Cassandra commanded attention both on the runway and off it. Cassandra knew her body was beautiful and so she paraded it and everyone enjoyed the view.

Autumn dressed simply but she made the outfits look like something else entirely. River couldn't help but wonder what she'd look like in evening dresses and such. The way the dress would cling to her hips and show off her luscious curves and make her look–

River cut off his thoughts. Now, he really was an asshole. He was breaking up with his ex-girlfriend all over again and all he could do was lust after another woman.

What was Autumn doing in his head anyway? She shouldn't be there, yet she was.

"Say it, River," Cassandra dared and River indulged her.

"I don't want you, Cassandra."

☆

River Crowns had fallen into a pattern.

When he got up in the morning, he'd head over to Genre after a run with Anna, then he'd stroll around campus with the students and he'd work with them on their vocals and even dancing when he was up for it. Finally, the later parts of his day were spent with Autumn in the studio working on her first single.

The beat had been laid down, they'd worked on the song's melody and after series of recording and re-recording, Autumn was recording the final one and so far, it was perfect.

Watching her sing was torture. The good kind of torture because Autumn was a performer. He could tell from the way her body moved along with her as she sang. A smile was ever-present on her lips, her hips were swaying to the beat and her hair was flying all over the place.

She stood inside the recording booth behind the microphone with a pair of headphones over her head and her 'music book' in her hand.

Occasionally, she sent River small smiles through the glass which did crazy things to his mind.

Autumn did the closing verse of her song and out the booth, she came. River handed her a bottle of water as the producer played Autumn's song for them to hear.

"Is this the one?" Autumn asked hopefully with her blue eyes staring up at River.

River nodded. "That's the one."

Autumn squealed as she sang along to her song. "This is crazy! That's my song! I'll believe, I'll believe, I'll believe for you."

"Take five," River muttered to the producer distractedly.

"Can you believe it?" Autumn went on, sharing her obvious excitement. "No pun intended but that was me? I love it, I love it, I love it!"

River was amused. "I love it too."

"Well, you're not acting like it."

Autumn needed to stop bouncing around. Her top– which was three sizes smaller– rode up every time she bounced and she was doing a lot of bouncing. River could see her bare waist. Pale pink resembling white roses. He longed to touch her. Feel her. Hold her for hours and hours.

Autumn needed to stop moving before he did something dumb like kiss her senseless.

River moved towards her and held her shoulders to keep her from moving. That was a bad idea.

Now he was touching her. His palms stayed put on her shoulders and then he did the stupidest thing he could think of. He let his hand slide down her arms slowly. He could see her breasts rise and fall with every breath she took.

Not sensing the tension, Autumn stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him, embracing him.

"Thank you," she said softly with her head resting against River's chest. "This is everything to me."

She pulled back and her eyes found his. That's when she saw it. River's eyes had darkened. His palms were running up and down the sides of her arms, matching the rise and fall of her chest.

The star closed his eyes, willing whatever it was that had come over him to go away but he was kidding himself. It only got worst.

Without so much as a single thought, Autumn stood on her toes and kissed him. A chaste kiss. Just a quick brush of her lips over his and River wasn't even sure he'd felt it at first but he had.

The kiss took away any willpower River had left. He opened his eyes and their eyes locked as he lifted her chin to his.

Then, their lips met.

His lips enveloped hers without any hesitation whatsoever. His kiss hit her like a wave as he pulled her closer to him by the waist. He teased her lips with his– brushing over her upper and lower lips eagerly. She tasted soft and sweet and he was sure the rest of her would taste that way too.

Autumn's arms went around his neck to secure herself as she felt she was losing her footing which every second that passed. He urged her backward and she found her back pressed against the wall but not so much that it hurt.

Her shirt rode up and River's hand slipped beneath the fabric and then he was feeling her bare skin against his palm. He was touching her. He was feeling the warmth of her slender, soft stomach– memorizing every curve. All reasoning had been tossed in the trash.

River's greedy tongue slipped out and coaxed Autumn's lips open. He was teasing her. Taunting her. And she let him.

He slipped into the warmth of her mouth. He was gentle but demanding. The feel of his tongue and hers against each other caused her to moan.

Autumn's kisses were like catchy melodies that you wanted to play over and over again. These melodies would fill your head and all you could do was sing them over and over again. There wasn't room for anything else. They were all you could think of.

She was all he could think of.

His lips found the place where her neck and her shoulders meet and then he was sucking it, running his tongue over it. He was tasting her. Smelling her. Pleasing her. She smelled sweetly of flowers. It reminded him of running through his mom's garden when he was younger.

Heat exploded through her as she enticed him. Her fingers found his hair and she raked her fingers through it overcome by the feel of his tongue on her neck before she pulled him back up to her lips.

Her fingers had a mind of their own as they slipped beneath his shirt. He groaned in satisfaction and Autumn knew she was definitely doing something right. She felt the hard smoothness of his abs as his hands gently squeezed her hips.

River's lips met hers again. It was slower now but still as demanding. Their tongues moved steadily against each other. With each stroke their bodies took more and more, satisfying the need within them but it wasn't enough.

She was snug against him now and if she could feel River's erection against her, she didn't point it out. Her breasts were pressed against his chest. They were warm and soft. River longed to touch them. Taste them. He was losing his mind. It was her scent. The scent of her was doing crazy things to him. He was losing himself.

His lips moved from hers. Tasting and trailing kisses as they went. She felt him on her cheek, her earlobe, beneath it, on her throat. She felt him everywhere. She felt the hardness of his groin pressed against her.

Feeling bold, she let her fingers explore again and she ran them gently over the noticeable bulge in his jeans.

"Autumn," he groaned her name. She felt his voice against her throat. It was River she was kissing. River Fucking Crowns. Realization hit her like a forgotten melody.

And just like that, the spell was broken. She forced herself away from him and she found his eyes darkened with arousal.

That and her throbbing veins were proof that they did just make out like horny teenagers.

River watched her as she grabbed her stuff and rushed out of the room as though her heels were on fire.

He hated himself but he knew the truth.

He couldn't let Autumn Archer go.