Perverts... Perverts Everywhere

"Pig...kens?"

'YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?! That's a room full of armed and angry super soldiers! I would struggle against a baby coyote at this point, let alone those monsters!'

"I'm aware that they have quite a few of them over there, but ours was one of the only ones that produced infertile eggs. They were good for medicine and remedies, some alchemists wanted to buy them too. So they wanted to get as many eggs as possible."

'I see... That at least explains why they treated it so well. I'm still confused on who and why this village was given something so expensive to take care of like that. If it was me, I'd try to keep anything valuable and fragile away from these orc-demons disguised as professional bodybuilders.'

Says the one who won't let me hold a sword or wear a burlap mask because it's 'Not cute'

'No ma'am...' (***Rolling over and lying, tisk tisk~)

After hearing a few more complaints from the other side of the door, she noticed that they started to get a bit more political, saying nothing much of worth to her. Just that they were thinking of changing chiefs after the current chief let the Pigken die.

'Mm! Good idea, she seemed like a mafioso, good riddance! Although I guess I'm kinda spying, infiltrating and am planning on stealing things... I murdered their deity and have been stealing all along actually... Which means stealing more shouldn't change much!'

Construing her morals in a weird way, she turned away from the door and decided to enter the room to the right. She prayed slightly in her heart before turning the door handle, hoping both no one was inside and that it was unlocked.

*Chk*

'Bingo'

After creaking the door open slightly, she slowly tried peeking through the small hole, revealing as little of her face as possible, being as diligent as she could to make sure she wouldn't be noticed even if there was someone inside. She did this until she could finally almost look inside, what she saw was-!

"Ah!"

being frightened by the startling voice, she fell forwards, opening the door completely and smashing her face onto the ground, causing some dust to puff up.

'The hell was that for ye bastard!?! HUUUH??? WHY'S THAT?!'

'Smarten up' she says, I'll show you 'smarten up!' callin me a yakuza and shit, I'll tell you what, if I can ever punch her without dying instantly from it! OOOOH LEMME TELL YA!

***You're even thinking like a yakuza now.

HEEEHH?? GOT SUM' TA SAY JACK-ASS?!

***Don't say our name like that, even if it's for a bit please.

While grumbling about in her head, she slowly got up from the floor and closed the door, locking it behind her to act as a notification sound to give her enough time to leave through the window in case someone had tried to enter.

'Smells weird in here, this the kitchen or something? I didn't get a good look-'

After turning back around to face the room, what she saw was... weird... It was a room full of adult sized dresses and women's clothes. There were cute dresses and elegant ones alike with wigs scattered about here and there.

'This... Something about this... It's off.'

**

Bing Bing!

YO!

Back once again, but this time... I don't wanna be here.

I'll keep it simple ok? I don't wanna stay on this topic any longer than you guys do, got it!?!

You walk into a man's home, he is the only one that lives there and he has no girlfriend or children.

You then stumble across a room full of women's clothing and wigs with pink covering the room, full body mirrors on each wall, a few types of sandals and high-heels, makeup palettes... you get it.

What would you most likely assume?

[Maybe he enjoys crossdressing? Or he could even be into embroidery, fashion and like doing makeup?]

I mean... yes, but as a younger person, say a teen, if you saw that?

{Pervert}

[I mean... That's a bit of a jump don't you think?]

... Mage?

[W- What?! I'm just saying that it would be ok if he simply enjoyed it as a hobby!]

Mage-sama, is there anything you would like to tell us while we're here?

[L- Like what?! I'm just saying that you shouldn't jump to conclusions! I tend to think that pink is an amazing colour for both guys and girls!]

{Pervert}

Definitely a pervert

**

"This guy's 100% a perv..."

'Why is everyone in this village a pervert... Is this what it's like being a woman? Have I simply been blind to all this having previously lived as a man?'

She's treating it like we're playing dress-up...

Listening to Miss Mona, Camellia then went and grabbed a few of the dresses, wigs, sandals and makeup pallets he had and put them in her 'inventory' before quickly leaving that cursed room, swearing to never look back. She then walked towards the left room that was now just across the hallway from her. The hallway was long and wooden with a rug covering the floor.

'This rug looks very simple too, maybe if I get my hands on some fabric I could sell it as rugs for a good price.'

Now standing in front of the door, she started to steel her heart. After seeing what was in the last room, she was scared to see what was in this room. Her heart started racing and she was seriously thinking of just not going in... until.

"Alright! Everyone good with that then? Once we leave that's it!"

"YEEAAAAA"

"Ok! So be it! Zeph, good luck to you, I hope you find her soon."

...

'They... That... I should leave this village before the tournament and just risk it.'

Hearing footsteps come closer to where she currently stood, she had no choice but to run into the room in front of her, closing the door behind her she quickly started to clumsily weave the wood of the door frame to create ruler-thick sticks to hold the door in place and act like a lock.

"Did you hear that?"

"... No."

"Hm, well you are old Zeph, I wouldn't expect you to."

'phew... close call, they were right there! I gotta get out- I DIDN'T CHECK THE ROOM FIRST!'

Spinning around in a panic having learnt from the dreaded pigken incident of 20**, she finally sighed a breath of... relief? No... Confusion?

'What the hell is this place man...'

In front of her was a room full of wooden bins covering every wall, towering three shelves tall up to the ceiling.

***What's wrong with that you might ask?

They were all overflowing with a mysterious white powder...

'It's... gotta be flour right?! HAHA! Yea~ yea~ flour! no way is it drugs or anything right?'

...

"Libbo..."

~~

Processing question...

Test results require sample.

~~

'Sample? yea yea whatever, here'

Cutting a small slightly curved piece of wood out of one of the container lids, she then scooped some up and sprinkled it lightly onto the end of the long flowing black ribbon that elegantly held her pink hair in check.

~~

Processing...

Answer: Possibly drugs maybe

~~

'Fucking.... whatever, drugs are drugs! there's no reason to let it stay here considering I have a suspicion!

...

Is what I would say normally had I not completely fucked this pervert village's economy...'

"For now..."

Mumbling to herself, she decided to pull out a decently large piece of burlap and filled it with the mysterious powder to use for 'testing' (***Of course this doesn't mean she'd try using it like a drug, because drugs are bad! Don't do drugs kids!)

She simply wanted to see what would happen if she tried to make a powder into thread. Or what would be the result of it catching on fire. Would it just create a pretty spec of fire then disappear? That could be a good distraction! Would it maybe create a small cracking sound and can be used as a firecracker to also be a distraction?

'Nothing but useful!'

'Th- thank you?'

She then sent the bag back into her inventory and created another hole in the window before properly jumping out this time and escaping back to her comfy barn home... But how long will it stay this comfortable for? Only time will tell.

***That's an awful eerie way to end it don't you think author-nim?

Shut up Jaxx, less screen time for you! Yes I just spoke to my own character, bump off!