Avante vs depression: first encounter

4 years go by seamlessly with no problems, I've made some really cool friends who like the things I like, and understand me until I encountered my first heartbreak.

At first I didn't really believe depression really existed and that people could just get over it by not being attention seekers, it wasn't until I placed my all into someone and accepted everything about them because I loved them that much for it to be treated like it meant nothing, and that cemented my low self esteem I had in myself along with the societal standards that were especially predominant where I lived. I wasn't the toughest or the strongest, I wasn't the fastest, or most attractive, I didn't even have a nice smile, I was just the short, skinny, ugly, broke black nerd that had like 3 waves after brushing his hair 24/7 and to find someone that wanted me was a miracle, cause all my skill points went into my personality and intellect which is kinda the opposite of what society cares for, especially cause I'm not into gangs, sports or selling drugs. It's not what makes the world revolve I understood that but when you're born in the hood that's all your exposed to and that's all that's accepted and I knew I would never be accepted and honestly I didn't want to be.

Depression: thank god you got a mother cause no one else could love that face

Avante: you're right and my teeth are too big and crooked, I should avoid smiling and laughing

Depression: please and stop looking at the mirror cause I'm about to throw up and I don't even have a stomach

Avante: I don't blame her for cheating on me

She was too good for me anyway idk why a girl like her wanted me in the first place.

Depression: she probably just wanted to lead you on and laugh at you with her friends

You're a nobody and that's who you'll end up with... NOBODY

Avante: I know already no need to keep telling me

Depression: well I'm going to keep saying it until you end it yourself

Hurry up and stop burdening this world with that disgusting face.

Avante: I can't that would hurt my family and loved ones and I don't want them to go through that.

Depression: well suffer, there are fates worse than death.

The 5 of them: you're starting to break avante

My depression only got worse, 3 years later my aunt that taught me to walk again had passed away around my second year in highschool. I had no money for lunch so I had to starve, I didn't have my old friends and the people I associated with couldn't cover me so I could only sit and watch them eat. I'm extremely picky so I couldn't eat school lunch either, I had to get a job after school to afford to eat, and that's when my insomnia started getting worse too, I started missing school a lot because I would just be getting to sleep at the time I should be waking up to leave. At that point i didn't really think anything was that funny anymore, but then I found another gf that seemed like she genuinely loved me but she wasn't done healing from her last relationship so I suggested to take a break so she can heal and then we get back together when she's done but she went and found a new bf and I basically threw my virginity down the drain, I intended for it to be a special person and I was wrong again, i had lost my job, and basically dropped out right before the end of my senior year because I missed over a month of school, it was just one problem after another and I was tired of all of it and then I started making jokes about my situation and it kept me going, at that point I realized my worth, and I discovered the most important things about myself