Lady Fox's Diary

- Foreword -

They say that sex is the basis of every relationship, that when passion ends, love dies and leads to rupture;  and suddenly everything is reduced to ashes, leaving everything that was in an old memory that gradually wears away, until there is nothing left.

I always sought to fill myself with a love that despite the lust would continue there for me.  But he never did.  Why? Easy.  What happens when you have too much desire and uncontrollable passion?  Don't you know? Well, I'll tell you.

You stay alone.

You spend your life rolling and rolling and rolling, until instead of reaching a goal, you crash against a wall that reflects your harsh reality.

Loneliness.

So I wonder, why only sex maintains the desires, satisfaction and union in people ?.  Is it really just fucking sex and in this way is it capable of doing all that?  It would be interesting to know what other people think at the moment, but since it is not possible, I will say what I think.

The years do not pass in vain, and if you live by sex, like me, when that stage in your life arrives, you will be completely alone.

So:

- Fulfill your fantasies

- Meet your needs

But never ... Never ever, turn down the chance to be happy.

Lady fox

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Nymphomaniac

Why?

We all know that strong obsession with sexual thoughts or behaviors.  That excessive increase in sexual desire, where the person experiences an uncontrollable need to maintain sex, either through sexual relations, fantasies or masturbation, called nymphomania.  A "syndrome" that can be quite annoying.

Perhaps everyone's first impression upon hearing or reading these words is something like "Lies."  But I will tell you that you are wrong, why?  Well, very easy, most nymphomaniacs present thoughts or conditions that make you think of hurting yourself or other people.  You have suicidal thoughts.  You also have an impulse control disorder, such as bipolarity.

Everything ends up being uncontrollable symptoms or problems with health, work or personal relationships.  The truth is that is not the worst, the worst is being alone for life, as I thought I would be, but I am grateful that they will come into my life.

"They" were the ones who made me see life differently.  Although I admit that I never intended to get out of the bottomless pit where I had fallen.

~ Little Memory ~

All my life living a hell, my mother had died as a child, and my father, due to lack of money and work, led me to marry a man, 30 years older than me, because he was only 12 years old.  I thought that everything would improve when the wedding took place, but some time later, on the same date as my mother, my father joined her, leaving me in the care of that man she had as her husband.

(***)

My first years were of pure mistreatment, rape, punishment, deceit, all because of "my husband."  He sought to relieve stress in many possible ways, but only one ended up pulling me out of that hell that I lived daily.  Sex

And that's how my whole addiction started up to this point.  I could choose any method to escape, but no, I chose sex, which only increased my addiction to it when my husband passed away.  I think in a way I was just trying to free myself.

But this was only the reason why am I a nympho?

A strange way to start, don't you think?  But hey, we'd better keep reading, and so they'll find out what my cure was, and where "They" took me.

Lady fox

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Lady Fox's Diary, page 1:

Until you get:

A few years ago I came to this place, a small and quite quiet town, and far from everything I knew.  I was completely disoriented, I did not know how to differentiate between what was good or bad, for me in that sense everything was the same, and everything was reduced to one word, Pleasure.

Already around 5 years I went to a consultation with an expert to treat my constant obsession with sex, which was clearly out of the ordinary.  He had declared me with symptoms of nymphomania, and he was already beginning to hurt me, with sudden changes, bipolarity, and aggressiveness, because he tried to hold me back and that was where the collapse came.  But my obsession with the sexual act, mainly for some fantasies and sexual games of different kinds, some more rough than others.  Leaving myself out of any comment, I did not trust that doctor's diagnosis.  What professional ends up sleeping with his patient in full consultation ?;  more with a cheap excuse to check my words.

I spent months locked up at home, going through all the symptoms that nymphomania presented.  He asked for the necessary things on errands, like food and other things.  Towards the delivery men leaving things at the door and retiring after passing their payments under the door, I felt a strange impulse looking at them, and I did not know if I could handle being close.  I had to start adapting a life at a distance from society, counting down the time it took to keep my brain completely engrossed in things that would clear my mind, but I felt like it wasn't enough yet.

After a year in these conditions I went to a psychologist, then another expert on these issues, then a couple of professionals, each one more "professional" than the last.  They ended up declaring me minor mental disorders.  "He is stronger than me, I can't help it, I need the sensation of pleasure."  That was my cheap excuse when I ended up hooking up with each of the specialists I visited, only this time despite what happened I was listening to them, I wanted to change.  That was when they explained to me that there were many ways to feel pleasure, and among these was the pleasure for religion, for duty, study, knowledge, exercise, work, not only for people, and that this could be one of my  props until I knew what to do.

I spent years researching different mental disorders and their possible cures, to my unpleasant surprise mine did not appear anywhere, at least not the cure.  Finally, after so much research, I came to this place from two years ago.  A monastery on the outskirts of the small city far from the advances of society, in their writings they said that they were in charge of redeeming people with the touch of the "devil", so I thought that maybe in that place ... I could find  a cure, a solution to my problems, and to expel that devil that they say took over me.

-Time passes and I am not able to fully see my progress ... Although I think I have never had.

I repeated to myself as I walked through the corridors of the monastery on my way to the chapel, while listening to the product of so much suffering and repression that I cause and cause in this life.  Of the problems, but at the same time tastes that he remembered to taste daily.

-I never thought that the nuns in this place were such whores.  Nor that he would like that young priest so much

The moans of the nuns escaped from their rooms, at some point, I don't even remember how much, they had agreed to submit to me, and now they were lying in their rooms, tied up, with their legs spread, and not only that, some, maybe  most of them enjoyed each other, sex toys, or both.

-I think I just made chaos come to this place

Finally I arrived at the priest's room, where he was idly held, there was nothing I could do, not even throw myself out, because if I did it before I was cured, his monastery could lose all its prestige or it would be closed, if I only released a couple  of words.  Blackmail? Yes, but I wasn't going to leave here until I was whole as they say.  The worst thing was that he could not prevent the nuns from playing with each other, because then they would be the ones who would talk, or do whatever it takes to feel that pleasure.

-It is a disease

I said once in front of him

-Please father ...

I put my hands together in supplication

-Excuse me

Not hearing his response, like every day, then I gave up pleading with him and looking up to meet him in the eye.  Why doesn't he forgive me? It's a disease, I need help, and with his forgiveness I can be cured.  But I only managed to make the cigarette smoke he smoked immediately invade my nose, the father, who had recently taken the bad habit of smoking, looked at me as if he were an inferior being, or as if I were nothing.

-Forgive you?  Have you not realized on your way what you have caused to be a sinner?  Two years, two years were enough for you to plunge the others into your sin, and still, you beg me that I forgave you.  What do you think my answer will be in this regard?