What I Seek

'Death Is Not The Greatest Loss In Life. The Greatest Loss Is What Dies Inside Us While We Are Alive.' ~ Norman Cousins

Do You Believe In Reincarnation?

Life Originates From Somewhere. A Source From Where The Seeds Of Life Were First Sown. An Architect Who Designed The System, The Universe And Its Contents, Planned It All Out. A Grand Scheme To Trap Organisms In Its Never Ending Cycle Of Rebirth And Sin.

Many People Call Such Beings Gods. Some Say They Dont Exist. Some Believe We Are Just A Figment Of Imagination In Someone's Mind. And Some Claim, That Life Is A Big Illusion.

What Do I Believe? I Don't Know. I Don't Care. The Never Ending Cycle Tires Me To The Point, Where I Feel Absolutely Nothing. We Are Just Pawns, Living A Life, And Are Easily Discarded. Nothing Remains Forever.

'He Put The Bottle To His Head, And Pulled The Trigger, And Finally Drank Away Her Memory...'

I Open My Eyes To The Sound Of Whiskey Lullaby, A Song By Brad Paisley. I Am In St. Thomas Hospital, Bedridden. I Slowly Look Around, As The Song Keeps On Playing.

Stephanie Looks At Me With A Smile. After The Incident, She Never Took Her Eyes Off Me For One Second.

'You Are Very Lucky. Your Skull Was Fractured And You Had Severe Injuries, But We Managed To Save You.' The Doctor Had Said.

Lucky To Be Alive? In A World Ridden With Sorrow And Hate, Was Being Alive Really A Good Source Of Luck?

"Faith." Stephanie Smiles And Holds My Hand. "How Are You Feeling?"

Tears Well Up In My Eyes As I Look Away. She Was The Only One Who Cared For Me. The Only One, With Whom I Found Solace.

"I Am Fine." I Reply, Weak From My Injuries. "I Will Be Back To Work In A Month."

She Laughs. "No Need Faith. Rest Up As Much As You Can. After All, You Are Incredibly Brave."

"Don't Say That." I Mumble.

She Quietens Down. She Knew That I Had Anxiety Problems, And She Always Knew When To Be Silent. I Love Her Company, Because She Understood Me, And My Emotions Really Well.

"What About-" I Start, But I Am Interrupted By A Loud Knock On The Door. A Pair Of Men Dressed In Formal Shirts And Pants Walk In, As They Sit By My Side. Stephanie Nods Polietly And Quickly Leaves.

"Your Name Is Faith Clair, Am I Correct?" The Man On The Left Asks Me, As I Nod.

"I Am Detective Alex Woods. This Is My Partner, Wilfred Miller. We Are Here To Inform You, That The Suspect Has Been Identified." He Sighs.

"I See." I Murmur Silently.

"He Was A Loan Shark, After Your Assets. He Claimed You Failed To Pay Him The Designated Amount. However, It Is Not Legal For Sharka To Attack People. And Commit Murders. We Have Arrested Him. Let Us Know, And We Can Get You Working With The Top Lawyer In London." Alex Tells Me With A Smile.

I Look Outside The Window, Recounting My Harrowing Experience. The Man Deserved To Die. A Horrible , Painful Death.

But Does It Matter? Corruption , Extortion And Greed Run The City From Within. Anyways I Am Planning To Die Next Spring. And Its Already Winter. Spring Is Just A Few Months Away.

"I Will Think About It." I Sigh And Reply As I Look Outside As The Men Take Their Leave.

Fate Questions Those, Who Cannot Question Themselves. Destiny And Fate, Will Always Determine An Individual's Choices. No Matter What The Consequence.

I Wonder What Role Fate Played, In Making Me Suffer Throughout My Entire Life.

Stephanie Comes Back In, As She Gently Pats My Head And Runs Her Fingers Through My Hair. As I Drift Off, Exhausted And Tired, I Dream About The Wolf Again.

~•~•~

It Has Been Two Months Since The Incident.

According To The Doctors, I Am Recovering Quickly. I Am Able To Sit Up And Walk A Little, Although Too Much Exercise And Movement Put A Strain On My Physical Health.

My Mental Health However, Is Another Story.

'She Needs Therapy.' I Overhear The Doctor Telling Stephanie. 'Without Therapy, Her Mental State Won't Recover. Incidents Like These, Leave A Deep Rooted Trauma In The Victim's Mind, And Can Cause A Host Of Different Mental Disorders.'

My Whole Life Has Been A Cycle Of Living Hell. One Incident Cannot Change Me.

Stephanie Walks In As She Holds My Hand Gently And Smiles. "Its Almost Christmas!" She Squeals With Excitement.

"Yes." I Smile Weakly. "And You Need My Help In The Cafè."

She Laughs. "No I Don't. Stay Put, And Don't Try To Run." She Tells Me As She Brings Over My Medicines To Me. "Eat This And You Will Get Better Soon."

I Swallow My Pills Silently As I Look Outside. The Landscape Of The Earth Has Been Transformed By A Beautiful Blanket Of Snow. A Time When Humanity Came Alive, While The Other Organisms Slept.

"Stephanie." I Look At Her. "What If One Day You Wake Up, And Find Me Gone. How Will You React?"

Her Smile Fades As She Grips My Hand Tighter. She Looks At Me With A Stern Look In Her Eyes As She Mumbles, "Stop Saying Such Things. You Will Be Fine."

I Bite My Nails As I Nod Silently. After A While Of Chatting , Stephanie Runs Home To Take Care Of Her Kids.

As I Lie Alone, Lost In My Thoughts, I Wonder About Stephanie. A Single Mother Of Two Kids, Who Struggled To Make Ends Meet, Was So Positive. And She Radiated Happiness, Despite Facing So Many Hardships.

I Idolized Her. Because I Could Never Be Like Her. She Was A Prime Example Of Leading Life With A Smile.

I Look Outside The Window And Watch Time Fly By. I Watch The Birds, The People On The Streets, The Sunset And The Stars Appear In The Night Sky.

However, My Gaze Is Interrupted By A Knock On The Door. A Nurse Walks In As She Looks At Me.

"Faith Clair?" She Murmurs Softly. "You Have A Visitor."

Stephanie? She Had A Visitors Pass. Why Was This Nurse Informing Me All Of A Sudden?

"She Has A Visitor's Pass." I Exhale As I Look Towards Her.

"Actually Its A Gentleman. He Says He Really Needs To Meet You." She Smiles Again.

I Feel A Sense Of Dread Creeping Up Behind Me Again.

"Tell Him To Leave." I Sigh As The Nurse Leaves.

I Hobble Over Towards The Door And Lock It. As I Lie Down Again, I Close My Eyes. I Trust No One Apart From Stephanie.

"Now Now." A Voice Emanates. "Its Terribly Rude To Not Meet Visitors."

The Voice. I Have Heard This Voice Before.

No. Impossible.

My Eyes Snap Open. And There He Is, Sitting On The Couch. Staring At Me. With Those Amber Eyes Of His.

The Man In The Brown Coat. The One Who Gave Me The Envelope.

"Hello There Miss." He Smiles As He Lights His Cigarette. "Lets Talk About What You Seek, Shall We?"