IM LOST~ Unhappy Life

I was very happy before. I cannot asked for anything else. All i want is to be happy and feel happy but suddenly all was changed. Those happy smiles turned to sadness. A sadness which i cannot control and make me feel worst even how hard and how many times I tried . Those happy memories with my dad and to all people who became part of my life is treasurable for me. I remembered lot of things which how happy I am.

Time passed and everything was changed. I know I don't want to take a look back to my pains anymore but I know.. My past taught me how to be a strong person. Those happy memories will be still a happy memories. But I cannot forgive easily those who made me cry and created pain to me who make me feel broken to pieces and lost my soul.

~Im questioning myself why I am like this? Did I have any shortcomings? Or did I did my best? But I know .. Everything will not change. I made my decision and that decision is to find my lost soul again. My old self.. ~ I just want to be happy. To feel love and not abandoned. To smile not to cry. To be strong not weak and to hope not to be hopeless. Unhappy Life is not good. It always makes you feel afraid to wake up everyday and thinking if you are worth to live .

~Today , is sunny day. After few hours of working.. I had my breaktime. Just 15 minutes to went outside to buy some foods. I choose to buy Coca Cola in a bottle because it is one of my favorite drink and go to the small barbeque store to buy some barbeque. Few days left it is the end of the month.. I am thinking if i can hit my quota for this month. I know it is very hard to work this few months but I don't want to failed.

I tried to open my account in that app again and post ~HOW WAS YOUR DAY? ~ i posted. Then, I log out in that app.

After having my snacks, I went back to the office and started to do my job. Focusing on the computer and calling some clients. Some are having complaints but I know I can handle it so i just tried to explain to them.

I was focused on my work when some of my Co-Workers teased me about my Ex-Boyfriend and his Firstlove. " Maybe they are talking now? or maybe they meet again~ They said.

I feel so uncomfortable so i went to the comfort room and looked myself in the mirror. Suddenly, My tears are dropping again .. Im wearing my facemask and my eyeglasses. They can notice it?? That my eyes are getting swollen and my facemask is getting wet because of the tears.

Pity~ that is what i feel now. I feel pity for myself . " Please do not cry, Self..We are working now.Stop it.'~ I said.

I know it is painful but I am trying to accept the fact that everything will not change. I wish he is happy and them. I fixed my self and went out to the comfort room and sit to my chair and start to worked again.

But everyone noticed that I was so silent maybe they realized that I feel not good.

I feel not good because everything that we had plan before is lost and gone. Everything which i dream before is gone. IM LOST.. and NOWHERE TO GO .. NOWHERE TO GO and I don't know what to do.

" Are you okay? Ms. Lim asked me.

" Yeah. I am okay .(" But im really not okay, Idk if i can move on so fast and how can i handle this anxiety and depression but I will try)~ I lied.

" Okay. ~ she just told me.

AFTER FEW HOURS, they went home again including my boss. I left alone again in the office and try to finished my worked at this time so i can have some rest at home. While doing my report, my tears fallen again and i cannot stop it. Do I look miserable? " Be strong myself. Everything happen for a purpose and maybe there is a reason".

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Dear Readers,

This is my first time to write, my first book and please correct my grammar if it is wrong it will help me to write better. You can write comment below if you like this story😊 and follow me❤❤

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