Staying

“How are you?”

The Lord only knows how may time I have heard that question today. Today was the day to let dead souls rest in peace. To bury the most two important people in my life. Today was the funeral.

I didn’t have the guts to watch them bury the caskets so here I was back in the chapel staring at the altar as if silently hoping this was a terrible night mare. A dream where I was dressed in an awfully long black plain dress that reached the bottom holding a portrait of my mum and dad on their wedding day. It was the only picture I found of them together. The rest have me in them. Five year old me hugging them tight outside the hospital where they agreed to adopt me.

Because of the love and gifts they showered me with , I had almost forgotten what they saved me from, what I witnessed, what I survived through. The trip from the destruction of my former former home was a blur, I never remembered who found me and how I wound up in the hospital. The name of the hospital or the doctors that had worked on me that day, all was a slow blur. The faces of my first parents had faded, something that hurt me every day, the guilt inside of me grew. Why had I stayed? Why was I saved ? The Canes gave me their last name and made me their own. They didn't change me or ask any thing of me. They loved me, something I thought I would not get again. They understood me when I had bad nights, they tolerated my grief. Grief that I had grown with even when I hadn't understood what it was yet.

The Canes were beautiful people both inside and out and now they were gone and I still have no idea how a wolf made its way to the middle of the city to attack an innocent couple and deprive me of the longest family I have ever had.

The person who asked me the question sighed and I hoped that the owner of the deep arousing voice would leave me be. Unfortunately his warm presence graced me by sitting next to me on the floor while I stared at the altar.

“It’s time to go,” Felix told me softly. I could feel his eyes bore holes at the side of my face but I refused to move. Go to where, to whom? Felix’s dad said home would be a crime scene for the next few weeks till they find a clue on what really happened.

I haven’t talked to anyone at the funeral. Amy and Luke tried to talk to me all they got was me nodding to what they said and they hugged me and cried on my shoulder where as I stood their frozen still comprehending that I was never gonna see my parents again.

I turned to Felix who was mindlessly glaring into space for some reason, his jaw was clenching in and out as he spat out the words like they were poison.

“Where are am I going?” I asked standing up and clutching the portrait in my hands hugging to my chest as I stared at him as he got up. He was dressed in a plain black T=shirt and blue jeans but still effortlessly looked hot from where I am standing.

I needed to get a grip and stop checking out the guy. Or how the shirt stuck in all the right places.

Damn.

I rubbed my eyes closed and cleaned away already stained tears.

It’s done. They are gone and there is nothing I can do about it.

“My sister suggested you live with us for a while if that is okay with you.” He answered still looking ahead. His hand twitched at his side and he quickly caught it in a fist moving a little far from where I was. His eyes left mine but he still looked at me.

He could stare at the side of my face for a while but couldn’t look at me straight in the eye while talking to me.

“That is so kind of her. Of all of you, thank you so much. At least till everything cools down.” I replied looking down to prevent anymore tears from coming out. This was a nice family.

A father, two amazing friends more like brothers, a more than bright sister and Felix.

Felix was cold and hard but he had a nice family. It did not help that my heart liked to beat a little wilder and my breath come out a little shorter every time we shared the space.

Even now when it ached from the loss of my family, it wanted Felix but my head could see he was far from interested and that thought managed to keep my heart a little at bay as I followed him out of my thinking place.