Extracts from Ta-hawa’s journal   (15/June/2010): A Painful Memory

It happened quick… I keep on running it in my head. There was nothing that I could have done. I was too far away. Why did it have to be him? Why did he have to save him from the Odum?

A Munssu had launched a projectile from an RPG, believing it was going to kill the Odum. "No!", the Maditau cried. I turned around, realizing what had happened. "JUDA", I cried. It was too late. The explosion had blown us. All I could hear was a siren ringing. The air was no longer cool… all the colours from the world had suddenly vanished.

I managed to my feet only to fall. Unable to stand, I crawled as fast as I could. I had to reach him. Knowing that he was gone… I refused to believe that. How could I accept that…?  an Odum in human nature pulled me away, "his passed on…", she said grimly. "NO. let me go!", I cried. I fought as hard as I could to break free from the Odum, but even if I was not badly wounded I wouldn't have stood a chance. "I feel your loss BUT we need to leave.", this time she carried me over her shoulder. I kept on hitting and punching her from the back yet to no avail.

They were all supposed to die, yet, the Odum just limped away from the scene. How was that possible… I kept on fighting and wailing until I had no strength.

I promised myself that I would have told him at the last moment. He was gone. Half of me died. A stab so deep, I felt… the feeling isn't going away.  "be still, sister", said the Odum who forcedly carried me away from the scene. She attended to my wounds, however, that was not the pain I felt. I don't know where we were.  The distinct chatter around me didn't make sense.

A hole in me was cut open, right there and then, I began to sob, remorseful for all whom I have killed. Is this how it feels like? To know that you won't see your loved one again. That every day will be different because someone beloved is no longer with you.

"you have done enough. The girl comes with me", said Heru, "I have raised her since she was a toddler", argued the Maditau. "fine job you have done", "and you could do better!?", snapped the Maditau. "you bonded her with Juda Kufu, and then you sent them to barely survive. Juda Kufu is dead, a part of her died with him. You failed", spat Heru defiantly. For a moment I was impressed with His Supreme Highness, no one has ever spoken like that to the Maditau.

"Juda didn't die because of me", mattered the Maditau, she was… I don't know, taken aback by his death. "can you honestly stand there and pretend that you didn't see this coming, great Oracle of Kongo", bellowed Heru. "another kufu died", "please!", I cried. "don't say that. Don't say he is dead, please", I was not ready to accept that… I'm, still not…

I tried to stand up, but, that didn't happen… I lost sense of everything as I passed out.

I woke up in an infirmary days later, clueless as to where I was. Hoping that all that happened was just a dream. Though, the scars from the explosion confirmed a different reality. It had happened. I called,

"JK?", even though I knew he was not going to reply.

 It had just been days later since… I found it difficult to accept. "it is not easy to leave without someone who was…", she stopped herself. The Maditau, for the first time, looked beaten. "you deceived JK… you killed his parents! why?", I sobbed. "There is nothing greater than the Creed", she said. She stood up, "don't touch me", I bellowed. She stepped back in astonishment. She had lost my respect and allegiance.

"Arduous choices require unyielding will", said the Maditau, this provoked me to look at her, we locked eye to eye. "the pope… Argus, he said that to me. "yes, I am sure he did. Another thing they have stolen from us, and used it as theirs", sighed the Maditau. "child…", "did you know JK…was going to die", my voice trembled at the mention of his name.  "child, please, understand…", "did you know", I bellowed. It was the first time I raised my voice at her but, I didn't care.

She was calm, she knew too well my reaction was justified. "yes, I did", "you weaved the events of the past two years, couldn't you have stopped his death!?", I cried.  "my child, this was the only way", she said. "why…", I didn't understand what she meant. "we have won this battle. Juda's…", she paused, "…death was the sacrifice needed, the blood of a Bantu Kufu for us to win the war. "the Kuidi Prophecy…", I mattered in bewilderment. "you convinced me that it was not", "would you have seen the commission through if you knew the truth?", she interrupted me.

"so all this time, you raised JK…", I exhaled, "like a pig for slaughter. You made him believe he was dispensable…", "yes, if he had known the burden that fell upon him by birth, he would have walked away, he had the choice to", the Maditau explained. "So you made the choice for him. You left him to fend for himself as an orphan in the streets of Cape Town. Hardening him to be worthy of the Apostles' Creed", I sobbed, "you indoctrinated him, us, into monsters. All of this so that you…", I broke to a sob, "so that you could use us your pawns!", I bellowed.

"true… It was necessary for the greater good", "you sound more like the Templars", I spat in disgust. "we are not so different, then", she smiled. "what now. Have you come to kill me too?", I asked. "you are my child. The time for you to die still awaits. There's much for you to do before your hour", she said as she rested her hands on my right cheek.  "what now?", I asked again. "I need to mourn, much like you, I too lost someone special in Juda", her smile was rather disheartening.  "mourn, rest and heal. I'll summon you when it is time", she frowned. "time for what", "your death…", she concluded, leaving the ward unceremoniously.