Two

Nathan Hail

This wedding is one I have been dreading. For one, the awkward shit with Sarah who only invited us for the thrill of knowing how hard it would be for us. And seeing Kathryn within reach of me for the first time in seven years. No ring on her finger, but something else more noticeable is how she still is as regal as ever. She sits between her two sisters, laughing and smiling. Making me envious and curious all at the same time. I need to clear the air with Kat. If she will even talk to me. It's not that I want to corner her, but I want to apologize or maybe even try to explain. As she turns in her chair whispering to Charlotte, exposing her neck and the side view of her face. She hasn't changed in seven years and it pulls at my heart. How can it have been this long and I still want her just as bad I as I did when we first met? l swore I would let her go so she could find happiness.. Yet I want to bring her in close to me and fix all the mistakes I made. They all turn and speak except Kathryn, she says nothing as our eyes meet briefly and she turns back around. Everyone goes silent as the wedding finally begins. I have a lump in my throat. I can't seem to shake that she didn't even acknowledge us, actually she didn't acknowledge me. I don't give a damn that she didn't speak to him. It's all I can think about is the distant look in her eyes. Here I am still wishing she waited, but clearly that's just me. I am stupid to think that she should even want to look my way after how things ended. As the ceremony ends and we make our way to the reception, she is nowhere in sight. I lost her in the crowd.

Over an hour goes by and still no sign of Kat. Sitting with Tallon at our table, maybe he hasn't noticed I keep searching the room for her. Casually of course. Alex and Jo sit down opposite of me at our table. I glace at the bar, finally see her standing just past it holding a glass of champagne talking to Phillip and Jaxson. Some things never change. Like my friends and without saying her pull on me. I excuse myself from the table making my way to them. Phillip makes eye contact with me he knows how I was with her before, he taps Jaxs and they walk off, leaving her alone. I close the space between us. She doesn't see me coming. Finally, as I'm steps away from her, she looks up from her glass, making direct eye contact with me. I feel it instantly that heated connection.. Before she can speak I say, "Kathryn, can we go outside and talk?" Not one word leaves her mouth. She looks at me for what feels like a lifetime, then finally she nods her head. We walk out in silence, it's dark now, and everyone else is enjoying celebrating the happy couple. Once we are several feet away, she walks under the weeping willow, string lights hanging from the branches. I follow her as she turns to me and says, "It's been a long time." Her eyes searching my face for why I pulled her away. I say, "Kathryn, you look so beautiful!” She softly smiles and says “Thank you, you have always cleaned up nicely.” Returning the same smile I respond. “Thank you. I asked you to come out here because I need you to hear me out." She nods quickly and I proceed. "I just want you to know how sorry I am. For everything. I screwed up. I should have handled things so much differently and followed what I needed." After a long pause she says, "Nathan, we both moved on with our lives. I hear you doing very well. I have kids and a career. My happiness is with them." I'm growing irrational that future should have been with me. Every time I see photos of the them, that's all I can think. Their big doe eyes and dark hair looking so much like her. She breaks me out of my head, grabbing my forearm. Sending lightning through my vein. She says, "Nathan, I know that look. A lot has changed, but I know you. What's wrong?" I can't stop myself from pulling her into my arms, smelling her sweet familiar scent of honey. Her warmth filling me for the first time in what feels like ages. Before I realize I'm telling her the truth that I've been hiding since that night. "I should have came back that night. You have to know Alex made me choose Kathryn. Our friendship or my "fling" with you. He tore me a new one in his damn yard, and I felt like the lowest piece of shit. I picked up my phone to call you so many times throughout the years. I spent nights thinking about you and everything that could have been. I blame myself for letting you down. For not being the man you needed me to be. I wanted to, truly I did. Everytime I see something about you and the kids it makes me feel like I completely failed you. It could have been me." Her hands meet my chest, pushing away from me. I don't fight her as she moves back, putting distance between us. Then she says, "You didn’t let me down. I understand why you choose him in reality, I did too when I didn't fight for what I knew I wanted. I let him have his way. He came to see me afterwards. He said things that opened my eyes to how little he knew about you. Sarah loved every minute of it. She is the one who told him." Of course, I know she did, she told me after Kathryn answered her phone. "Kathryn, about Sarah, I never intended to hurt you. I was drowning out the pain of you moving on and she was there. After losing you, I drank heavily and lost myself. I hated what I did to you. Even though losing you was of my own choosing. I knew that I honestly did." I'm pleading with her. I need her to at least forgive me. I can't even meet her eyes. Looking at her makes me want to kiss, touch and consume her. She moves closer towards me, her eyes twinkling the deep pools of golden brown. Our bodies almost touching, my hands meet the sides of her face. My thumps caressing her cheeks. She closes her eyes as if taking in a moment that will never happen again. Hoping no, praying our lips brush but they don't. Her eyes open slowly remembering where she is, pulling back and she says, "It was good to see you Nathan." She walks off back toward the reception and I finally say "I miss you Kat." She stops and turned back to face me and says "I miss you too." I let her slip through my fingers again as she turns back and disappears. She really can't even imagine how much I truly have missed her. Just being around her for that short period of time felt like fresh air into my lungs.

I make my way back to the table where Tallon sits with Anna his on again, off again flame. He turns to me and says, "Well, how did it go? Did you talk to her?" I nod my head saying, "It went better than I expected. We still have a lot to talk about but she walked away from me." Anna stays out of most things except now when she says "Nathan, you can't just let her walk away.. You have to fight for it. She wants you to prove you aren't the same person as before." Pausing for a minute taking in exactly what that means "Damn it! I mind as well go out in a blaze or not at all." I down my beer and head back to the bar.

My mind shifts to Emily while waiting on my drink. She came along a while after Kathryn we had been dating for over two years. She's the complete opposite of her. Her pale blonde hair and blue eyes come to mind. She's a nurse I'm pretty sure she is working tonight. We weren't at the serious moving in stage or future progression. She was ready but I wasn’t. So we went our separate ways mostly my decision. I told her the truth about what really happened. She's the perfect woman just not for me. I can't see my life with anyone but Kathryn. She left a permanent mark on my heart.

Looking up from the bar, I see Jaxson talking to Kathryn. He reaches out for her hand clearly asking her to dance she sits down her glass on the nearby table and takes him up on his offer. "What a damn gentleman he's turned out to be." I say under my breath. Looking around scoping out who is still here while seriously considering on stealing Kat from Jaxson. Before I can think about it a second more, I am heading in their direction. The music changes and they continue dancing. As soon as I get close enough Kathryn's facing me, looking dead at me. I don't break eye contact with her when I say. "Can I cut in?" I can see Jaxson turn out of the corner of my eye, he says " Sure with me or her?" Kats smirks at me waiting for the next smartass response. "Jax, get outta here and let me give my girl the dance she deserved years ago." He backs off without saying another word. As soon as he's gone I don't even hesitate I pull her into me, wrapping her up in the most familiar way. All the times we danced in the light of her kitchen this was more than that. It was like I was home. I whisper "Kathryn, I'm going to try to make it up to you. Starting now." She says nothing but her smile grows she leans in towards me her head on my shoulder as we sway together everything feels like nothing's changed. The song finally registers to me the same one I played for her year ago “John Mayer, Gravity.” Could this be a sign that we might be able to pick up where we left off? I will never get use to how good she smells, as her hair brushes my face. I look up from her to see Alex staring at us. He doesn't even move until Jo pulls him onto the dance floor. Kathryn raises her head and her eyes meet mine "Alex and Jo seem to be perfect for each other. I'm glad out of everything that happened at least one of us found the right person for us." This hurts me to hear we are perfect for each other and we have been since the beginning. My voice is barely audible to my own ears when I say "We always have been perfect for each other." She hears me her eyes widening then she says "Do you really mean that?" I don't hesitate " Yeah I wouldn't have said it if it wasn't true. I think everyone knew that except us. " Her hand slides from behind my neck to the side of my face. Her thumb grazing my cheek. Watching my expression change she knows what she does to me. She says "Could we leave here? I'd like for us to really be able to talk. Tonight." Trying to hide my surprise I say "Yeah I'll drive. Your place or mine?" She doesn't hesitate "Yours." She lets her sisters know and they both look at me as if they knew that this was going to happen. Walking out of the big white barn, I reach for her hand. Lacing my fingers in hers. I glace past her and see Sarah and Jo standing there talking. I hold onto her just a little tighter. Pulling her in close to me. We finally make it to the truck, I open her door. "Nathan, Alex is behind you." I turn shutting her door as I do. As soon as I face him he says "So we are back to this? It's been this long and you two see each other one time and you can't control yourself? Come on Hail, I thought yall were past this!" I'm already not in the mood for this so my mouth is ahead of my mind. "Look Alex, I'm not doing this tonight. Im not past this not even close. I have to set things right. But know this, you can't be happy with Jo and still trying to hold onto Kat. She deserves more than the crap she's been handed. Especially from both of us. But whatever happens it will be up to her this time. " Alex pauses for a second then says "You're right! I am very happy with Jo. Just don't hurt Kat. You’re right she's been through enough. I still think she deserves better." I nod and get into the truck. She's looks at me and doesn't say a word. So I break the silence and say "This time with us will be different. Regardless if we are together or not. Whatever happens from here forward will be what we decide." We ride in silence once we get to my house she says "Wow! It's beautiful I can't believe you live here." "Yeah I bought it a few years back and I've gutted it and made it mine. Let's go inside." The house is a one story dark navy blue with a full wrap around porch and grey shutters. I unlock the door and we head inside she stands in the middle of my living room floor in front of my fireplace taking it all in. She says "Nathan, this house is incredible. I had no idea you lived here." I shrug it off and say "It's home. Would you like some wine?" "Yeah of course." She replies "Okay I'll be back, make yourself comfortable."

Once I come back from the kitchen she's at the bookshelves that line the wall. As if she's examining every single spine. Taking in every second I'm with her to make up for the ones we have lost. Standing in the doorway watching her every move. Walking on her tip toes when she always done that when she is barefooted. How is it possibly she looks just like the same 23 year old I feel in love with. Turning around at the end and finally she sees me. Her smile spreads and says "How long have you been standing there?' I push off the wall heading towards her and say "Long enough to notice you eyeing my collection." Pointing towards the wall. She raises her eyebrow. "You have so many classics. Which surprised me because you don't read if I remember correctly." I glance away from her. Sitting the glasses on the coffee table. She knows me too well. I went looking for some of the ones on her shelf. It was like having a piece of her here with me. I say “I picked up reading and I thought those were a good place to start. It helped me cope and feel closer to you.” Before I realize she's almost touching me. Meeting my eyes she says "I would really like to know what I've missed in the years we have been apart." Next thing I know her hands are around the back of my neck. My body reacts so easily to hers. I reach up wrapping one my hands around her curve in her elbow letting out a sigh and say " We have plenty of time to catch up but Kat, there are other things I want to talk to you about... Especially what happened and why it did." She nods her head letting go of me I grab her hand and say "Come sit with me on the couch. Don't distance yourself." She says "Nathan there are things that I want to tell you that I never got to. So please let me go first." I pull her in close as I can with her facing me "We have all night Kathryn."