I was sitting on the couch, watching football when it happened. The team I was rooting for was losing and after many meaningless screams at the TV and cursing at the team and the whole world, the telephone next to me on the table vibrated and lit up. I grunted, it better be important. Everyone who knows me knows that almost nothing tears me away from the TV when it’s the Super Bowl or if there’s a football game on at all.
The caller ID read: Hailey. I love the kid to death, but she should know that as her father, I won’t hold back just because she’s my daughter. As my irritation kicked in, so did curiosity. She was a nurse that worked many odd hours due to her being on call. I realized that this was the first time that she’s called me from work. So after some serious debating, I decided not to ignore it and pick up. I almost wish I hadn’t. Then maybe the next thing wouldn’t be so real.
My daughter explained to me what was going on with a very shaky voice and told me to come quickly. I dropped the phone and grabbed my keys, threw on my shoes, and took off for the car. As I was driving to the hospital where my daughter worked, I found myself very glad that it was the Super Bowl and that there weren’t as many cars on the streets at this hour.
As soon as I pulled up, I didn’t even bother to lock my car. I ran straight into the hospital looking around wildly. I came here as soon as Hailey told me what happened and realized that I hadn’t even asked her where to go. My breathing quickened and I felt like time was running out. I was spinning around wildly, looking for some sign of where to go. Just then, I spotted Hailey running towards me from the South Hall. She stopped as soon as she saw me with tears running down her face and gestured for me to follow her.
She pushed the button for the elevator but after five seconds, she got impatient and took off for the stairs. Usually I would protest, because I was not in the least fit, but this was a situation where adrenalin kept me going. I ran up the stairs and followed my daughter to a room with a patient who had several doctors standing around them and using the crash cart charges to try to revive them. I pushed past the doctors.
“HONEY! Wake up! Can you hear me? Stay with me please. Come on, you can wake up, I’m right here.” I grabbed her hand and started to shake it. “Come on! I’m here, please don’t leave me.”
Hailey walked slowly to where I was. She was looking at her mom almost as if she was stuck in a trance. She reached the hospital bed next to me and collapsed. I stared at her stupidly for a couple of seconds but then I dropped to my knees beside her. I lifted her head so she had to look at me and spoke to her in a low voice.
“Hailey, you are one of the best nurses that I know. I don’t know much about medical things, but I’m sure that if you try, you can help out your mom and bring her back to us. Can you do that?”
She looked back at me slightly alarmed. I realized later on that I was setting her up for failure, but I was grasping onto any chance I got. She nodded her head with a determined look crossed her face. She rose from her knees and started shouting a bunch of medical terms to the doctors and immediately they all got to work. I looked at her in shock. Just a minute ago, she was a puddle on the floor and now she was directing more than ten doctors at once.
She looked up for a minute and we locked eyes. She gave me a slight smile and gestured with her hand for me to leave. If they were going to operate right then and there, it was a standard thing for visitors not being allowed. Waiting outside of those metal doors was the hardest thing I’ve had to do in my life. I was scared, I didn’t know what to do. My wife and I had an argument earlier that day and now that I think about it, it was so stupid.
The Super Bowl had just started and I had food ready and my game gear on. Just then, my wife walked in from work. She called a cheery and friendly “Hi!” to me before setting her keys into the dish by the door and taking off her jacket. I was immersed into the game and didn’t bother to answer. From my peripheral I saw that she was shaking her head but I ignored that too. She stalked off to the kitchen and started making herself dinner.
About thirty minutes of her banging around in the kitchen (She is very loud when she’s angry or frustrated), I heard her yelp in pain. I figure that she’s fine since she’s not rushing to the hospital so I ignore that too. Just when I decided to ignore her, I heard her start stomping my way. I sigh, she knows better than to interrupt me.
“OLIVER! Did you not hear me yelp in pain?” She yells at me and throws her hands into the air. I turn back to the TV.
“I’m sure you’re fine. You don’t need hospital attention so why are you bothering me? You know I only ask you not to bother me while I’m watching football. It’s not that hard to do.” I hear her stomp towards me, I look up in surprise. She’s glaring at me. I glared back. It was then that she slapped me straight across the face. I gasped in surprise. If I was a better husband, I would have noticed the dark bags under her eyes and the blood slowly traveling down her arm and I would have asked her if she was okay. Or at least have tried to help her in any way that I could. Instead, I watched her grab her car keys and left.
Then, right before she closed the door I yelled, “I want a divorce! How dare you!”
She froze for a couple of seconds before taking a deep breath and shutting the door. For the briefest moment, it looked like she had just made a decision and was very disappointed by it. That was also another opportunity for me to run to her and make it right. I was so mad that I turned my full attention back to the game and turned up the volume. Yes, I am that bad of a husband. So maybe this is karma. If my daughter and those clusters of doctors can not save my wife, I deserve it.
When I snapped by head back to the present, I expected someone to be shaking me or someone to come out of that room and finally deliver me some news, but no one did and I began to get even more restless. How long will I have to wait? How long will I have to sit here in agony and regret? How long will my wife torture me like this? It didn’t seem fair. Not to her and not to Hailey. I know Hailey is trying her best. That’s the thing that Hailey does. Once she has her eyes set on something, she gets it done the best she can. That’s what makes her such a good doctor. She feels the pressure and channels it into her work.
I sat back and let my head hit the wall. It was then that I noticed the smell. No matter what you say, all hospitals smell the same. It’s so clean and smells like alcohol. It’s a smell that forever sticks with you. It also just happens to make me want to throw up right now. I twist my head to the side to see a woman staring right at me with a smirk on her face. As soon as she sees that I noticed her though, her face goes stone cold. I shake my head. Could I have just imagined that? She could’ve been zoning out and thinking of something nice and then snapped back to reality and realized that she was looking at me and felt embarrassed because of it.
The sound of the doors opening in front of me cause my head to snap up. All the doctors filed out of the room single file with their heads down and not one would look at me so I couldn’t read their expressions. All doctors came out except for my daughter. I was confused. What do I do? Do I go in? Do I wait for Hailey to come out and tell me what has happened? Do I just stand here like an idiot when she really wants me to come in? Do I barge in there like an idiot when she really wanted me to stay out and wait for her. But the biggest question of all: Is my wife alive?
I decided that I’d just take a peek and if my daughter looked at me in a way that translated to: Get out. I would, and I’d wait until she wanted me. So I got up, and instead of walking straight in, I paced in front of the door, unsure if I was making the right decision. I was starting to give myself a headache so I said screw it and gently opened the door. Lucky for me, the door didn’t squeak. I guess it was a good thing they had that weird smell in the air then, it probably helped keep it like this. What I saw next made tears well up in my eyes.
My daughter was sitting in a chair next to my wife’s bed and was holding her hand. She had her head down and I could tell that she was crying and saying some things that I couldn’t make out. I was going to run over there to comfort her when Hailey threw her head back and yelled, “Why did you have to drive when you were already so tired?!” I was stunned. I didn’t know what to say, it was all my fault. I closed the door, sat back down, and started to sob myself.
My wife was now dead because of me. Also because of me, my daughter is going to feel guilty for the rest of her life that she couldn’t save her mom all because I was so desperate and basically told her that she had to save her. I put all the pressure on her. I really am a bad person. Why did a perfect, loving, and caring person have to go? The person who should go is right here! As I was in the middle of marinating in self-hate, the doors in front of me opened for a second time. I looked up and saw my daughter standing there, tears falling down her face.
I immediately stood up and hugged her. We stayed like that for a couple of minutes and for that short time, I really felt like the world had stopped moving. I was glad to have my daughter with me and that she had tried her best and that was all that I thought. When she pulled back, the world started spinning round and round again, bringing me back to the reality of things. My daughter looked at me and opened her mouth to speak.
“Look, I am so sorry that I put all that pressure on you. It was so unfair of me and now I’ve turned this into such a big mess. I’m so sorry, it’s all my faul-” Hailey cut me off. She looked at me and smiled. She was actually smiling right now? I was so confused. Maybe she was in shock?
She looked me dead in the eye and as another tear escaped, she said, “I did it dad. Mom is alive.”