Chapter 7

2015.10.25

We got competitions to participate in. It was state level Science day competitions. It was the first time I am participating for a state level competitions. You rarely get opportunities when you study at an international school unless that international school tries to register with the national competitions. There was a classmate I admired. Her name was Sandra. She was an inch or two shorter than me. Had same complexion as me. I wanted to be like her. She is the one who inspired me to read more books (I did read books when I met her, but not frequently). She showed me the trill in reading books. I tried changing my messy handwriting like hers. I started to like some of the things she liked or research about it. There was somethings that I couldn't like what she liked neither hate what she hated. I even went far enough to impress her and get compliments. I wanted to be recognized and acknowledged by her. She was awesomely creative. I tried to become creative like her. I started to shape myself like her. After a while I understood I can't be her. Because I was me. I forgot how awesome I was and how unique I was. My creativity was not like hers but different. I forgot to treasure myself. I started to be an awesome me but I couldn't love me nor hate me. It was neutral I guess. But to be honest she made me find myself and showed me new things and opened new paths for me. I am grateful to you Sandra.

I decided to participate in poem, software presentation and nature diary competitions. There was four really good poets including Lily. They were highly recognized by our school, English teacher and even some international competitions. But I wanted to try writing a poem. And I did. I was good with the computer skills and I wanted to try something new so I joined the nature diary.

The school was over. We stay for a half hour before we go home. We just gossip about the weekends on what we had missed. They were telling about theirs and I told about Samuel incident. I told them how Samuel and friends were trying so hard and I was always giving a poker face. We laughed and chatted for a while. My other friends went down. I checked the windows and the trash bin. Masha stayed behind. "You have a crush on him don't you?" Masha asked me about Samuel. "Who? Samuel?" "Yes. You talk about him a bit too much." "Huh. No. I just said what happened." "No. You like him. You really like him." "Don't be silly." It was silly because I didn't have feelings for him. But I did afterwards for 2 weeks as my friends kept teasing and whenever her mom, the teacher crossed us, they would nudge me. Trust me when people tease about a person relating you. You kind of fall for them, either for just a very short time or a very long time. I never revealed that I had a crush on him to anyone except to Kate and don't trust her to not to tell to other members. She would have let the cat out of the bag. And even Samuel would have known by now (embarrassing. Let us jump off a building. Right just me.)

2015.10.26

Lily started breathing heavily and in painful gasps. It was like the millionth time now. And she had being going to home almost daily. I hate being the class president at times like this. Because I have to attend her and get the vapor rub ointment from the first aid kit. We have been always run out of ointment or she misplaces it. I have been replacing them a lot and I fed up of it. For a while I stopped replacing said that we are run out of ointment, since then she brings one with her all times. I know I am being absolutely an asshole but I am not. You know why she is like 'The Mathilda'. She keeps the drama on and everybody knows and don't react to it anymore. Everyone are more calm and collected rather than being terrified and panicked. I fear something that she might be in trouble after all. Because that is what happened to Mathilda, who kept faking that her house was on fire until it was seriously on fire and no one came in for rescue. Fast forward she started having respiratory problems afterwards. Lesson no 46, do not pretend to be sick because you will become.

Lily's mom was summoned after she made a huge drama. And some of the girls in our class to joined the drama as if they cared about her. And Lily believed that they cared for her. Our deputy Principal had asked her mother why she is being sick every day and does she have any serious health problem or a terminal disease? Guess what she replied to it. I will tell you on a different day, the day even I found out why?

I was kneeling down. I haven't put a cover to my English Literature book. Mrs. Marina Fiorato is my English Literature Teacher. She is strict but warm-hearted. In grade 10 we learnt how to write the alphabet in the right way from her. And the most of all is that I learnt how to perceive a situation, to look in different perspective points, be in someone's shoes and express emotions in the right way. I never knew how to express my feelings. I didn't know how to show love towards someone, be sad or scared. All I did was be mad. Temper; is my way of communicating. Even when I am sad or mad or hurt or scared all I do was be mad. "What do you think about a person's appearance? Do you judge a person by their appearance?" Mrs. Marina questioned us. Today's theme was Appearance vs Reality. It is like some of you judges this book by its cover and said this going to be fun or this isn't. You got to read the contents. (Do you like it? Sorry this is out of the story line). People aren't always what they seem to be, they are many of them that are goody-two shoes but really the devil that stole your house keys. And there are some who are all gloomy but are cool when you get to know them better. Every human's mind is complex. You can never read or know what they are thinking even though you know them for ages. In simple terms 'What you see is not what they are'.

The school was over. I packed my bag and went straight to home. On the way I was thirsty and was craving for a sip. I stopped near a small convince store that is on my way to home. I saw my neighbor's security uncle who was like teasing the shop keeper that he going to steal the sweets on the front counter. But what I saw was that he wanted to have something to treat himself. I watched him for a while and bought two drinks. I handed one to him. His eyes delighted with joy and thanked me. He was beyond happiness. I said "welcome" and left.

Dad was busy on the phone. He is arranging the money to buy a shop in one of the busiest wholesale street. The shop was slightly small. But it was a good start. You have to start somewhere and you can't start everything big at the beginning. I was happy that he is doing what he is passionate about. I sat down to write the poem for the science competitions. I thought of writing the journey of a river from the spring to the ocean. And also I have to start with the nature diary too. For the nature diary I was going note down about the insects and animals that will be visiting my little garden. I started with photographing the place and wrote 'Day-1'. Within 2 weeks I have to hand it over too. I shouldn't be missing a day.

2015.10.27

Sandra, Lily and many others had already written their poems and they were high class. There was even words that I have never heard of and also they rhymed very well. I was ashamed of showing my poem so I hid it. We had to get it checked with our English teacher and then submit it. They showed it during the English class time and secretly met her and showed it. The reactions to their poems and mine was different. She was not quite impressed with mine. I didn't want to submit after the reaction she had given me. But I spent my time on it. I stayed up all night with decorating my nature diary and writing the poem. I submitted it. It doesn't matter if I don't win it, I want to try every chances I get.

2015.10.28

Dad bought chocolates from his business trip. They were not the local chocolates you can get in our hometown. He had bought 6 varieties for each of us. One was milk chocolate with jelly pieces, other was a chocolate caramel, and there was also a RASPBERRY! A crunchy chocolate, wafer chocolate and a dark chocolate with mint in it. My sister and brother are not going to school today. I didn't want to leave the chocolate behind, so I put them in to my school bag and take it along with me. I was excited how it going to taste.

We had a school meetings and all of us have to attend the auditorium. All of us left except for Masha and a friend in our gang. The meeting was long. We were in the auditorium standing for around 30 minutes. After the meeting was finished I came to the class before others came. I opened my bag to get the water bottle out and saw only wrappers in the bag. The chocolate was gone. I turned to face my friends who were in the class. They were laughing at me. "We ate them." It was funny for them. "You should have left at least one." I teared up. I didn't want to share my chocolates with them at the first place. I really wanted to eat them. I sobbed and told "Those were for my siblings." No they weren't, I didn't want them to see me as being stingy. I just wanted to enjoy the chocolate. Perhaps I should have just kept them at home. I was sad the whole day. I was mad at them too. They opened my bag with no permission and took my stuff. I know we are friends but I don't like it when people mess with my stuff. And they should know me better right.