chapter 15

"The only love I've ever known

or craved is the kind that keeps me sick,

sick with longing, sick with lust,

sick with need, sick with greed.

The distorted kind that leaves scars

and jaded hearts."

–Taylor Jenkins Reid,

'Daisy Jones and The Six'

Venessa walked into the library, half unsure of her rather impulsive decision. Now that her initial rush of anger had toned down, she felt nervous maybe even empty; she wasn't sure. She had no idea what she should say to him if she met him here.

Should she get straight to the point or should she try to make a conversation with that brute and casually bring it up? Everything she thought of seemed to end in nothing but Eric punching another wall.

She remembered how Eric bullied her at school. He had never hit her like he hit Carter; he simply punched the walls closest to them to let of his anger, which somehow terrified her even more than the thought of being hit did.

She sighed, deciding to be her usual straight-forward self; best to get it over with as soon as she could. She walked between the shelves with her head down, hoping Eric was around and speaking to someone so she could find him and finally let out her anxiety by confronting him.

She stopped near a small group of people and pulled out the book nearest to her, concentrating on their voices, hoping one of them would be Eric's. She had almost given up hope when a familiar deep voice rumbled right behind her and made her jump, "What are you doing here in this blistering afternoon heat?"

Venessa placed the book back in its shelf and turned around to face Eric, hoping her nervousness didn't show on her face, 'You poisoned Carter's coffee." She blurted out before she even had the time to frame her words and flinched inwardly at how accusing she sounded; there goes her attempt at solving this calmly.

"Yeah and?" Eric turned his head away from hers, maybe in annoyance or maybe in shame, she couldn't tell. His tone was very flat and, knowing him, it was more likely annoyance. "What do you mean 'and'? Don't you feel guilty about it? You could've killed him! How could you possibly be soo heartless?!"

"I don't see the need to feel guilty. It's a perfectly good response to jealousy," he turned back to Venessa, his tone indifferent; at least he wasn't angry...yet. "What were you even jealous of?" she whispered, remembering they were in a library and being loud attracted too much attention.

Ven, involuntarily, moved back as he closed the little distance there was between them and felt the shelf against her back, stiff like a rule she wanted to break but couldn't bring herself to. Eric set his right hand beside her head and leaned forward, stopping only inches away from her left ear, "Maybe I'll tell you someday."

She shivered as she felt his warm breath tickling her ears and she involuntarily let out a sigh of pleasure before cringing in disgust; the feeling itself wasn't bad, it was the person that made her feel like this that she hated. "Back the fuck off, trash," she kneed his stomach making him stumble back and double over in pain. He promptly let out a loud 'oof' of surprise making everyone turn towards them in a mix of annoyance and surprise.

Venessa ignored them and grabbed a fistful of Eric's hair, "Don't fuck with me and especially don't fuck with Carter." She flashed him an overly-bright smile and walked out of the library, feeling everyone's accusing gaze following her all the way out.

She stood outside and stared at Alec leaning against the wall; he looked beautiful to her. Her close proximity with Eric had left her feeling unclean and vulnerable and, in that moment, it felt as though a hug from her crush would make her better. She shook her head and walked to him, "Hey I'm back. Thanks for coming all the way here and the hospital too. What do you want to eat for lunch? My treat."

"How about Mexican?" Alec straightened up and flashed his charming smile.

"Sounds good to me," she nodded, tearing her eyes away from his addictive smile.

Alec walked to her and casually wrapped his arm around her shoulder, ''I was wondering what you'd have done if I had refused to take you to the hospital and here?''

Venessa looked up at him, their height difference suddenly prominent, and replied, ''I would've simply hired a cab.''

''Hmm sounds like you. Then why did you ask me?" Alec looked at her and cocked his head sideways.

She opened her mouth to reply and came up with nothing. She had no idea why she would ask for help when she could've done it by herself too.

She looked into his eyes and realised that, for the first time since childhood, she was subconsciously trying to rely on someone. What was he doing to her? She looked away, a small smile dancing on her lips.

***

Carter sat alone in the waiting room, his grey eyes nervously darting from Jacob's room to the stairway. The girl he had seen Jacob hugging outside the bakery had just come stomping in, all gold and bright, commanding everyone's attention as she walked by.

He felt jealous.

She was everything he wasn't; tall and confident where he was short and anxious. She was beautiful and he was just...him. Compared to her, he felt even more pathetic than he usually did.

She seemed like everything a guy could possibly hope his girlfriend to be and he couldn't believe Jacob could possibly like someone like him after knowing someone like her. To make things worse, she'd glared at him like he was the biggest problem she had ever had the misfortune to come across.

He shook his head shaking out the miserable thoughts, he couldn't worry about trivial things like this when Jacob was in the hospital because of his carelessness. Leaning forward, he buried his hands in his hair, wondering if there was something he could do to make things better when the door clicked open and the sound of her heels once again rang in the air.

''You're Carter aren't you?" she asked him. To him, her voice seemed louder than it was and he wondered if that was because he felt detached from reality, like everything was happening to someone else, not him.

Carter stood up timidly and nodded, ''And you are...?''

''I'm Rose. Here, take my number. Call me if there's any news on Jacob, thanks,'' she smiled and handed him a slip of paper before walking away and down the stairs.

Carter stared at the paper in his hands and wondered why she would ever trust a stranger with something like this when she could just tell the receptionist to call her again like she had today.

His eyes widened as he realised...she already knew his name. What had Jacob told her about him? He was curious but also unsure of whether he really wanted to know that or not.

He sat back down with his head in his hands as the clacking of her heels faded to a stop.