chapter 16

''Love is a strange magic,

where death can only make it stronger

while the softest kiss in the wrong direction,

can steal it away forever.''

–Atticus Poetry, 'Love her wild.'

Two years ago

The fifteen year old Max had sneaked out of his house and come to the local park near the hospital as Mei had asked him to. It had been two years since they'd first met.

They had grown together through thick and thin; his mother's death one year ago from her heart cancer, her funeral, all the times Mei had collapsed and had to be readmitted. She still hadn't told him what was wrong with her and why she was in the hospital the first time they had met.

He wondered if she ever would tell him. As curious as he was, he knew not to pressure her about it; if she wanted him to know, she would tell him without being prompted.

The sky was the darkest blue, almost black, and the pond he stood beside shimmered, reflecting the countless stars in the sky. Walking to its edge, he ran a hand over one of the bigger stones; it was rough under his fingertips but cool to the touch and he had a sudden mad urge to just curl up in the grass and stare at the sky as the yellowish silver moon rose higher. Maybe count the stars as his eyes fluttered close and his consciousness slipped away.

He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, taking in the smell of the crushed grass and the feel of the cool breeze on his open arms and face. He could hear dogs howling and barking in a distance.

He imagined he was in a forest and could hear owls hooting and if he took another step, he would feel the crunch of dried leaves under his shoes instead of the unevenly growing grass. He smiled, knowing Mei would like to know about this. She was the reason he'd become soo imaginative.

Max felt a gentle tap on his shoulder and turned around, his eyes fluttering open to look at a huffing Mei; she looked a little exhausted like sneaking out of the hospital and walking all the way to this park had exhausted the little energy she had left.

He lifted his hand and patted her head, opening his mouth to tell her about what he had just imagined when she interrupted him, ''Thanks for coming all the way here at night.'' She smiled sheepishly at him before continuing, ''Here,'' she handed him a lemon lollipop and looked away, ''this one is for you.''

Max took the candy from her hand and stared at her. She wasn't acting like herself. Usually, she would have jumped on him instead of gently tapping him and given him her usual cheeky grin.

''Thanks but are you okay?'' Max frowned and cupped her cheek to turn her face towards him. She gave her small smile again, ''No. I want to tell you about my disease.''

Max felt his heart jump in his chest. Now that she was telling him, he wasn't soo sure if he wanted to know. He was scared, remembering the time his mom had told him about her cancer and how she was going to die. That had been terribly hard to accept, though he had somehow managed to.

He didn't want to lose her too. He couldn't possibly survive that.

The fear must've shown on his face because she'd turned away again, ''Let's sit down first.'' She bend down and sat, her legs straight out in front of her as she leaned back on her hands. Max nodded and sat beside her, his posture rigid and legs crossed, gazing out at the still water.

Mei looked at him and took a deep breath, giving him a slow heartbreaking smile, ''I have heart cancer and my survival rate is too low.''

Max felt goosebumps all over his body. The lollipop in his palm felt too heavy and the air around them heavy and cold. His clothes felt like a cage as he finally looked over at Mei. He couldn't believe it. He didn't want to believe it. She had to be joking right? But he knew she wasn't joking. She wouldn't joke about something like this. Never.

He heard the words her mother had shouted the first time they had met. 'Please come back Kasumi, it's not good for your heart! Or at least run slowly! Last time you ran that fast you coughed up blood!' How had he missed it? It seemed plain as day now that he thought about it. She hadn't even tried to hide it from him. It was just him who had been stupid enough to not realise it.

He felt tears slip out of his eyes like little rivers, warm like their friendship as he scooted over to hug the also crying girl. It would end soon. He wouldn't be able to hear her laugh or sing. He wouldn't ever get mad at her again when she purposely annoyed him. He wouldn't ever feel her warmth again.

They sat under the night sky for a long time, his previously imagined story forgotten, in the silence only occasionally broken by the one's sniffling and the others' constant 'shhh, it'll be alright.' They found comfort in each others warmth; a proof that the other was still there.

He knew it wouldn't be alright and he knew Mei knew that too. But for the time being, he was here and she was here and it was almost alright.

***

Present.

Max steadily climbed up the hospital stairs, his solemn eyes nervously darting around. Come to think of it, he didn't even know why he chose the stairs instead of the elevator.

Or maybe he did know. Max thought about the first time he'd met Mei, the stairs had been soo similar to today's; soo ordinary and uninteresting. Their meeting had been the definition of a coincidence. Maybe even a miracle.

Max stopped and stood at the bottom of the last set of stairs, thinking about the uncountable amount of stories these stairs would have to offer if they could talk. He entertained the idea for a second before shaking his head and clearing out the thought; it was interesting but much too illogical for his liking.

He started as the sound of loud, confident footsteps broke him out of his reverie and snapped his head up to find himself looking into a pair of moss green eyes not very different from Venessa's.

And yet something about that girls' face reminded him of Mei. Maybe it was the face shape? But no that couldn't be it, Mei's face had been much more thinner, bright with its childish amusement. Was it the skin tone? Nope, that wasn't it either; Mei's low hemoglobin made her much paler than this. His eyes drifted to her thin lips and he bit his own lower lip, squinting his eyes to focus properly.

"Take a picture. It would last long plus that way you can keep staring at my face and I can also leave this depressing place," the girl looked down at him and rolled her eyes dramatically. Max blinked, slowly processing what this strange girl had just said. He hadn't even realized he was staring at her until she'd mentioned it.

"Excuse me?? Why would I want to take a picture of you?" Max raised his eyebrows at her.

"How about you tell me that. You're the one who's been blocking my way and gawking at me with his mouth open," she tilted her head innocently and smirked at him. Closing his mouth, he frowned and moved out of her way, "There. You can leave now, thank you."

"Awww someone's a little salty here," she snorted and, before walking away, tapped his forehead, "Tell Carter to take good care of Jacob."

She gave him a mesmerizing smile and walked off even before Max could let out an 'okay,' leaving him as confused as one possibly could be. He recalled why he was there and steadily climbed the rest of the stairs, calling Carter's name when he saw him.

He pasted a smile on as Carter turned towards him, breaking into a jog to reach him faster at the end of the corridor. ''Hey, you good? You look tired as fuck,'' Max ruffled his friend's dark hair, his eyes a little worried.

Carter nodded at him, ''I'm tired but i'm fine. I'll stay here tonight.''

Max could understand that. He'd done that for Mei too. ''Okay. Where's Ven? I thought she was here with you?''

''She was but she went out with my brother for lunch. I think they'll be back in a while.''

''I see. That blonde who just walked out told me to tell you to take care of Jacob.''

Carter raised his eyebrows and nodded, ''Of course.''

''Also... i think i'll be leaving now. Hospitals aren't really my strong suit,'' Max apologetically bowed his head to Carter, who nodded in understanding.

Max, too, nodded in response and leaned against a nearby wall, waiting for the elevator. As much as he wanted to be there for his best friend, he couldn't spend another second in the hospital. He almost wanted to ask Carter whether Venessa liked Alec; he probably wouldn't like the answer but he'd much rather get a conclusion than sit on the fence. He decided he would ask him later, right now didn't exactly seem like the right time.

His idle thoughts drifted once again to Mei. He was thinking too much about her today. Maybe it was the hospital that made him remember her. Would they still be close if she was alive? Would they have become something more than a platonic friendship? How would she change? How would he himself be if he hadn't lost her?

But he was here and she wasn't. He was seventeen and growing and she was still fifteen. He would meet new people and she would only meet the ones who visited her grave. He would travel and she would still be stuck feet under the ground. It didn't matter what could have been, the damage was already done.

He sighed and looked up as the elevator dinged open and Ven came out with Alec's sturdy arm around her waist. Yeah, he thought to himself as he walked into the elevator, the damage was already done.