Chapter 57
Li Zixuan stood at the balcony outside his room on the second floor of his house.
His body was covered in a black robe and his black hair was slightly damp. He was straight from the shower and hadn't dried it, leaving it to naturally dry by itself.
The slightly damp hair added to his sexiness. The bright moonlight shone across his perfectly chiseled face making him look more enchanting.
His pale colored pupils carried a trace of coldness.
The cold night breeze drowned the loud noises coming from the living room. The lively voices came from his brother and cousin plus an added kid guest in the house.
The 7 year old Bai Tianming was the son of his cousin Bai Zeng, from his maternal side of the family. Whenever Bai Zeng and his wife Su Lan were out of town for work purposes, their son would be left in the care of Li Zixuan or in the mansion.
But the kid always found the mansion boring since only the elders resided there thus he always stuck to Li Zixuan.
Su Lan was a famous actress and her husband would accompany her most of the times that she was filming out of the city since the Bai's businesses were scattered all over the country.
As the CEO, Bai Zeng would take the opportunity to inspect the operations of those businesses. Though it was just a shameless excuse to hide his possessiveness towards his wife. Nevertheless, the two shared a very loving and enviable relationship and marriage.
On the surface, Li Zixuan was a cold and aloof and always found the shameless imp a nuisance but a warm and gentle personality lay hidden deep down in his heart.
He hated strangers in his house thus he was always responsible for preparing the kid for school and picking him up whenever he had time. The kid even had his own bedroom in his apartment with all the necessities be it clothes or toys.
*
The atmosphere around Li Zixuan was tensed and his expression was a little off.
His jaws were stiffened and his thick brows were furrowed.
He twitched his lips as his eyes glared at the burning cigarette on his left hand. He rarely smoked but did so when he was frustrated and his emotions were off.
It had taken a lot of effort to fight his addiction years ago thus he tried as much as possible not to fall back.
This particular day was different though.
In fact, it had been like that since the previous day that he saw her.
At first, he wasn't sure or was not ready to believe that it was her but the little doubt he had instantly vanished when he saw her husband and family in the afternoon at the hotel's basement.
He put the cigarette between his thin lips and inhaled before letting out a huge puff.
His gaze and thoughts were lost in the thick light grey smoke slowly rising in the air.
***
Lee Xue's ( Eleanor) original name was Lee Yuyan. Li Zixuan and her had been long time childhood sweethearts. Her mother was a renowned pharmacist back in the capital for years. It wasn't until when Eleanor was 10 years old that a tragedy happened in their family. From then on, she disappeared from Li Zixuan's life without a warning and no matter how hard he searched, he never got any information about her whereabouts. It wasn't until 5 years ago when he found a clue and followed the lead to City A that he finally found her. But it was too late. She already had someone in her heart and was getting married to the man very soon.
From the investigation results, it turned out that after her mother perished in the car accident and her twin brother disappeared the same night, her father took her to City A and married his long time mistress, changing her original name Lee Yuyan to Lee Xue.
When he appeared in front of her, she didn't seem to recognize him but actually hated him for pestering her peaceful life. Li Zixuan had even secretly knocked her off and took her to a doctor for some tests which revealed that she suffered from amnesia after her previous head trauma and if stimulated or forced to remember her past, it could lead to a backlash, becoming paralyzed or even going into a coma.
Li Zixuan had no other choice but to forcefully stay by her side to make her remember him willingly. Unfortunately, it didn't work. And he gave up because he wanted her to be happy. He left City A and went back to the Capital and ordered his subordinates not to report anything that concerned her to him.
She was going to become somebody's wife anyway. He could only hide the burning love and yearning for her in the deepest part of his heart. Alas, if only he didn't turn his back on her... Anyway he'd regret for the rest of his life once he found out that his stupid mistake cost her half of her life...
***
Li Zixuan remembered his heart freezing hours ago when he saw the little girl in Dining Hall, the roadside restaurant owned by the Songs.
They happened to pass by it when Bai Tianming complained of hunger. Other than Li Haoran's insistence, something else led him to the restaurant...
He badly wanted to catch a glimpse of her but at the same time, he was afraid of facing her.
He didn't want to see her.
The deep pain in his heart terrified him.
It was terrifying more than 5 years ago when the doctor told him that he might not be able to walk ever again in his life. More terrifying than when few years later, he learnt that he might not be able to live past 30 years of age...
If only life wasn't this cruel towards him...
If only those who envied his status, wealth or background knew how he secretly lived a miserable life...
Li Zixuan needed no one to tell him that she was her little daughter. They were copyrights of each other.
Her daughter with that man?
Hah, who else?
He gently smiled when he remembered the frisky and adorable little girl.
He had no idea why he felt strong emotions towards the girl. He was sure that it had nothing to do with the fact that she was her daughter.
He felt something unexplainable.
She had a lovable personality and was too intelligent for her age.
He chuckled when he recalled her declaring that her search was finally over, that he was the most handsome man in the whole world.
She even promised to marry him.
His smile froze when memories of a similar version of the little girl from 20 years ago resurfaced in his mind.
" Big brother, baby is still too small wait for baby! "
" Big brother Xuanxuan, once baby becomes a beautiful tall woman, baby will only marry you.
You are not allowed to marry anyone else! "
" Mmmh, only Yanyan can be my little bride forever. "
" Pinky promise! "
" I promise. "
Li Zixuan sharply inhaled as he bitterly laughed trying to suppress the painful memories.
She was his biggest scar, his biggest regret...
If only he hadn't been a coward, if only he hadn't lost hope.
Maybe she'd be by his side by now. Or maybe not...
He took a smoke and chuckled, a glint of self mockery flashing in his dark eyes. He hated himself for being useless.
Bang!!!
The glass of wine was suddenly smashed on the wall with all his strength before it loudly shattered the broken pieces flying all over the place. He threw the bland cigarette on the floor, furiously stomping on it with the sleepers on his white feet.
" Liar! You're a liar. You lied and broke your promise. You forgot what you promised... "
" You married someone else... "
His body was trembling so much and the dark eyes on his pale white face were glistening.
Furiously punching the hard wall till his knuckles bled, his body lost strength weakly collapsing on the cold floor in a disheveled heap.
He was too prideful to cry but he couldn't help but sob silently. What was there to live for? He had less than a year to live anyway...
He pressed his forehead on the balcony's metal railings as he used his right hand to massage his temples, the other clutching the metal for support.
His head was probing like hell. His condition was worsening day by day.
In that chilly night, one of the most powerful men in the country had lost his will to live. He silently and painfully wept, the wind of the night, the stars and the moon on the sky bearing witness to his despair. His hope was lost. Or so he thought...