His smile
The building's wall exploded from inside, a half-naked man came flying out of one of the rooms. He was shot out like a bullet, gliding over shinobi's village like a bird. After a moment later, his speed waned, plummeting him towards the ground. Luck would have it his limp body splashed into a nearby river.
"*Cough-cough*!" The white-haired man spat out the water, "W-where-?"
"Morning, nice for you to fly by, Jiraiya-san."
"Utakata? I was sent flying through half of the village?"
"A rather soft landing despite that. You were lucky. So Kana-chan's plan worked, huh?"
"What? How did that happen? We drank, and I woke up naked in Tsunade's bed? Uh? Shit, she tried to kill me! I need to run."
"Well, congrats, Jiraiya-san, your tenacity finally bore fruit."
"But- when she saw me? The punch-"
"Calm down, Jiraiya-san. If she wanted to kill you, her single hit would disintegrate you on the spot. The first two crates of sake she drank were a watered version - it took me some time to understand who swapped those. Tsunade needs time for the last night to sink in most likely."
"So... Hime wasn't drunk? I did all of that with her willingly?"
"You were wasted like a skunk, honestly." Utakata admitted, "But Tsunade drunk the alcohol from the crates I prepared for myself to take care of all the guests all night. She must have drunk it like a juice."
"Heh... Hehehe, it took me only four decades. I need to talk with her."
"Only if you're a masochist. Give her a day or two, let Tsunade-san come to terms. You know she won't admit anything? She will try to excuse what she has done with alcohol."
"I... Okay, you may be right. Hime would kill me now. Where is your new wife?"
"She woke up with a major hangover. But after breakfast, she went to check on Anko."
"Huh? Anko, why? What did she do?"
"Heh, you really don't remember what happened yesterday."
"The last thing I recollect was the third crate of sake that you put on the table. After that, I'm drawing blanks. I think I either punched somebody or barfed all over them?" Jiraya scratched his chin.
"Both."
"Oh, fu- who?"
"It was 1 a.m. when ROOT made a mistake and attempted to infiltrate the village. Kana's seals took care of most of them, but Tsunade was adamant in checking the situation herself. You didn't let her go alone. According to Hokage herself, you knocked down one of the ROOT agents and tried to use a Water jutsu. Tsunade-san laughed the entire night - she told all of us later that it was the most elaborate water technique she did ever see. She promised to put the
"Heh, you know what, Utakata? Nothing you say can kill my buzz today. Hehehe, Tsunade and me, Haha!" Utakata caught Jiraiya's extended hand and pulled a half-naked man out of the pond.
"I see the cold morning pond water worked wonders on your hangover, Jiraiya-san."
"It did. And thanks. Wait, what about Anko?"
"Oh, Anko-chan started to target poor chūnins. Kana had to act quickly before our Snake Mistress got her hands on some, let's call it, fresh material - so she and Mei-san have rigged up a matchmaking plan. A failed invasion was a perfect moment to send Anko with our unwilling guest to a patrol."
"Huh? Matchmaking with Anko? I admit she has... two assets that are almost Tsunade's size - but even for a super pervert like me, that girl is too demanding. You would need a superman to survive a day with that lust demoness."
"You know what? I think we, men from Mizu, are built differently, Jiraiya-san. Mei-san believes she found a perfect match."
"Hmm? OH!" Konoha's master spy finally understood who was the mysterious person Utakata was talking about, "Yeah, this pairing could work! You just gave me an idea for an entirely new book! Hahaha! I'm on a streak today! This is going to be a masterpiece!"
----
"I offered her on a silver platter. How could you, my dear Otōto-kun?"
"Haah. Nee-san, stop joking around. I'm not a man that would take advantage of my unconscious girlfriend." Itachi countered.
"I can't believe it! How could all of you do that to me? I knew I had to be wary around you, but you employed that stupid Saru and even Torune-kun to get me wasted."
"Welp, I promised that I'll drink you under the table, Izumi-chan. It's your fault you wanted to match my and Tsunade's speed."
"Not like you have anything to brag about, Nee-san. Utakata-san had to escort you out an hour later."
"Granny is a pro drunkard. I didn't stand a chance. Especially after I switched the sake crates."
"What? How?" Izumi asked, "She would have found out - she is the Hokage!"
"She noticed something was wrong. But she tested every bottle herself and couldn't find anything out of order. I was the one pouring the alcohol, with a sleight of hand, I switched the bottles."
"But why did you do it, Nee-san? For fun?"
"My dear, still a virgin, Otōto-kun, of course, there was a perfectly reasonable reason for my transgression." Kaname mused, making Itachi roll his eyes, "I just wanted to ruin Granny's night."
"But-"
"Let me finish, Izumi-chan." She continued, "So many pairs were having fun around her, yet she couldn't even get drunk no matter how much she poured inside of her. I'm pretty sure she was the least happy person yesterday. Heh, even Jiji tried to hook her and Jiraiya up - my wedding was a perfect opportunity for that."
"Huh? Wait, you did that to get them together, Sensei?"
"Yep, and from what I heard, Tsunade pulled half-dead Jiraiya back to her home. But I'm not here for that. Izumi-chan, what would you say about apprehending one of the biggest criminals in the history of our village by yourself?"
"..." Izumi gaped silently back at her Sensei.
"Izumi-chan?"
"I think her brain just shortcircuited, Nee-san. It doesn't take a genius to understand who you're talking about. Why do you think Izumi should try to fight the Snake Sannin by herself while you failed the attempt yourself?"
"Because of her unique power. I don't like to overuse Sharingan. I always thought it to be a useful tool, but only a tool. That asshole has no problems using his stolen eyes on every possible occasion and is doing that with outstanding excellence. It took me way too long to find a way on how to defeat Orochimaru."
"Way too long? Nee-san, you just fought him yesterday. Snake Sannin is an S-rank criminal, the strongest shinobi that left Konoha in our recent history!"
"Exactly, but with people like him, you need to come up with plans on the fly. Otherwise, such slimy bastards will get away. Luckily for me, Izumi-chan's power is a perfect counter to Orochimaru's."
"Uh, wait a moment, Sensei! It won't work either way. After using the Mangekyō Sharingan, I can barely move. If something happens, I'll be defenseless."
"Hmm, yeah, that could pose a problem." The black-haired Uchiha agreed.
"I can go with Izumi-chan."
"Hmm, not that I don't trust you, my abstinent Otōto-kun, but I can't let anyone fight Orochimaru without Granny's agreement. Hmm, I've got an idea! Come with me." Kaname pulled the pair by their hands.
-----
"At last, Sis ~ttebayo! Huh? Itachi-nii and Izumi-nee? What are you doing here?"
"Hello to you too, Naruto-kun."
"Naru-chan asked me to train him. Izumi-chan needs it as well."
"Then... Why did you pull me along here as well, Nee-san?"
"Eh?" Kaname stared for three seconds at Itachi's face, "Welp, I'll think of something for you later as well."
"Haah..." The young man huffed.
"Didn't you forget about someone, Kana-chan?"
"Hi, Doofus-kun, what do you mean?"
Kakashi hid the small dark-green book into his flak jacket, "I was unprepared. I need to up my game if I'm ever going to continue as the captain of Team 6. Those kids, especially Naruto, have enemies way above my paygrade."
"Like you're one to talk, Kakashi." Sasuke and Hinata jumped into the conversation.
"We need your help as well, Kaname-neesan." Hinata requested.
"Ah, damn it. I didn't expect so much interest in training. It makes what, two clones?"
"You suck at math, Sensei." Izumi grinned.
"No, she doesn't." A man's voice greeted the group.
"Yo, Asuma."
"Kakashi." The jōnin nodded his head.
"Ready, Asuma-kun?"
"I owe you for yesterday, Kana-chan. That, and Kurenai-chan didn't leave me much of a choice."
"
"Team 6 go with Kana-1. Izumi-chan and Itachi-kun go with Kana-2. Naru-chan and Asuma-kun with me."
----
"Didn't we do it once before, Kana-chan?"
"Not exactly, Doofus-kun." The clone replied, "We're doing personal training now."
"Personal? You're alone, but there are three of -" Kakashi looked at his student and found them missing, "Interesting, when did you catch me in a genjutsu?"
"Don't break the illusion. Boss didn't give me much chakra. It's the only way to help you all at the same time."
"Okay? What did you plan for the training?"
"What you need the most, Doofus-kun." Kaname's eyes blazed in red, revealing five black water lilies. Her body was quickly covered in a white aura, lifting her up high into the sky. "A Sharingan survival training from hell."
"Ah... shit."
-----
"W-what? Where are Kakashi-sensei and Sasuke-kun?"
"I'm sorry, Hina-chan. But I need to check if you're ready to face him."
"Umm, Kaname-neesan?"
"
Hinata scanned the cloud twenty steps in front of her, a deep growl welded her feet to the ground. Five dark-red tails sprouted from the smoke, swishing around like a fan.
"Uh..." the young Hyūga's body trembled.
"GRAAAAOH!"
A beast's howl had enough power to push her back. Hinata had to cover her face with her trembling arm.
'No. Not anymore!' young woman's second palm caught her trembling arm, pushing it down. She looked straight into white glowing eyes with confidence.
"Neither Naruto nor you would hurt me, Nee-san. I'm not scared."
"RAH!" The miniature Kyūbi leaped towards the kunoichi, swiping his talons at Hinata's face. Knife-like claws froze the moment they touched the young kunoichi's cheek. Even so close to death, Hinata did not flinch.
The beast gave a feral grin to the Hyūga and patted her head.
"S-stop that, Nee-san. It's embarrassing." Hinata blushed.
With a nod of its head, the beast jumped far away. Barely a red dot in Hinata's eyes once again exploded in a cloud of smoke. This time the blast was dozens of times larger than the previous one.
"*Growl*" The air trembled.
Potent bloodlust pulled all the oxygen from young kunoichi's lungs, making her drop on her knees, gasping for air. Fighting with overbearing fear, she slowly rose her head, only to see a mountain-sized fox with nine orange tails in front of her.
'Uh, you're clearly overdoing it! What do you want of me, Nee-san?'
-----
"Okay, teach me the Elemental Rasengan, Sis ~ttebayo!"
"There is a small problem with that, Naru-chan. I can't do that."
"Huh? But you did that by yourself, right?"
"Yes. But it was a decade-slow process of mastering my fire affinity. Truth be told, I'm far from being a master at the wind techniques."
"*Cough-cough* Bullshit *Cough*. Sorry, the smoke got stuck in my windpipe." The jōnin choked.
"See? Asuma agrees. From what I remember, you inherited your wind affinity from your mother, and your secondary affinity was lighting from Minato-san. Luckily for you, Asuma-kun here owes me and is the best wind affinity user in Konoha."
"Yeah, Kana-chan... Do you still remember the enormous twister that liquidated an army of ROOT shinobi attacking Konoha and made a hole inside chakra-resistant village walls several years ago? I believe there must be someone much better at wind techniques than me in the village."
"I just overloaded a simple
"Haah... Okay. So Naruto. How far did you go on your own?" Asuma blew the cigarette smoke at the blonde, making him choke, "Not far enough..."
"You... *Cough* Why did you do that ~ttebayo!?"
"I was checking you, Naruto. You have enormous amounts of chakra boy, you could use it all day to filter the air around you and never get tired. But let's start from scratch... Okay, Kana-chan, what the heck are you doing? I thought I was to teach Naruto?"
"Oh no, don't mind me. Continue, Asuma-kun." She scribbled notes in a small workbook.
"... Whatever. Do you know any wind techniques, Naruto?"
"Yeah, like the one Sis mentioned, or a Gale Palm jutsu."
"... So we go to the low-chūnin level course, okay. Bring me a dozen of leaves."
"What for?"
"It would be easier and faster if you just accomplish the requests, Naruto."
"... Be right back." Fifteen seconds later, the blonde returned with a handful of green leaves.
"Okay, use only the chakra to cut them in two halves. You have to visualize your chakra as the thinnest strand you can."
"Easy! HAAAH!" Naruto shouted out, concentrating the chakra into his hands. A moment later, Naruto held halves of a leaf with jagged cut in between.
"Good start but no ciggar.... Haah. WHAT!?" Asuma demanded.
Kaname lowered her extended hand, "I didn't receive a leaf."
"It's not a school, Kana-chan. I was to teach Naruto, right?"
She shrugged, "I've mastered one of my affinities. It's a nice occasion to train with my second one."
Asuma facepalmed, "So that's what's going on..."
Kaname caught a leaf soaring through the air and held it between her fingers. A second later, the brown maple leaf was split into mirror halves.
"GAH! Not fair, Sis! I'm going to surpass you ~dattebayo!" Naruto pointed at her, "
Several dozens of Naruto copies poofed into existence.
'Hmm, so that's her plan? She'll motivate Naruto by showing him how it's done? I heard that her boy always strived to surpass her.'
"
"Hmm?"
"Sorry, one of my clones popped. Had to replace it." She explained.
-----
"... What?"
"You will have to stop me, Izumi-chan." Kaname's clone smirked.
"Kiss my ass. It's taxing to use my Mangekyō Sharingan! I don't have your monstrous chakra pool, Sensei."
"It's your call,
"Yeah, I don't care what you do. It's not the first time you're pretending to be me, Sensei."
"Oh really?" An 'Izumi's' copy replied, perfectly emulating her demeanor and voice.
"Ugh, I hate it when you do that. It feels weird talking to myself. I'll excuse myself. See you later, Sensei." Izumi turned on her heel and started walking away.
"Heey~ I.t.a.c.h.i-kun." The young Uchiha stopped in an instant, hearing her own sultry voice. Izumi turned around only to watch herself hypnotically sway her hips walking to Her boyfriend. The lookalike stopped in front of Her boyfriend in a suggestive pose. Her back arched and her hands under her breasts, pushing them upwards. 'Izumi' shook her head, letting her hair drop over her eyes, giving her a very lusty look. "So much backed up energy. Come with me, let's deal with it, I.t.a.c.h.i-kun." she pushed her breasts even more.
Itachi couldn't turn his eyes away. Without him knowing, a steady stream of blood started dripping down his nose.
"Don't worry about anything. I'll ride you to heav-" the lusty 'Izumi' exploded into smoke in front of his face, shocking Itachi out of the lust-induced daze. His real girlfriend was on her knees, gasping for air, nearby.
Quickly wiping the blood out of his face, he rushed to help Izumi.
-----
"I'm pretty much peeved at you, Sasuke-chan. You let your emotions control your actions. That's why Orochimaru handled your arse so easily."
"Ugh. It doesn't matter! I need to get stronger to face him again!"
"No, you don't. You should rest. I'm still not sure how that asshole's new seal reacts to different stimuli. I need time."
"It- I can't, Nee-san. I've to do something! All that power, I'm constantly holding myself back! I feel the energy filling my body to the brim - like it's ready to explode!" Sasuke trembled.
"... Hmm. Okay, let's use that energy for something creative. From Doofus's report, your swordsmanship wasn't as top-notch as before. Show me what you have got." Kana-1 pulled out a sword and held it in front of her.
The younger Uchiha shook in anticipation, "No holds barred. We're in your genjutsu, Nee-san. You can't hurt me here." Sasuke held two short blades at his sides.
"You sure about that?"
"Huh? What do you-" in a blink of an eye, the flat side of Kaname's blade struck Sasuke's forehead, knocking him out.
"Wakey-wakey." his cheek was lightly slapped, recovering his consciousness.
"Uhh." Sasuke groaned, lifting his back from the ground.
"Let's start with the basic question. What the actual fuck, Sasuke-chan? Who taught you that?"
"What do you mean by that?"
"For example, your stance? It lacks any defense value whatsoever. Doing that in front of a single, stronger opponent? No wonder the Snake steamrolled you."
"I- Uh..."
"No, it couldn't be Jiji. He wasn't an expert in sword fighting, but even he knew the basics. So, I ask again, who taught you that?"
"I self-learned it from a book in the library, Nee-san. Jii-san was too occupied with other things - he didn't know I started studying a dual-wielding style. I wanted to show this to him, but he-..."
"Haah. Never study on your own, Sasuke-chan. By doing that, you're only consolidating your mistakes. By the way, are you sure you didn't venture too far in the library to a fanfiction section?" She smirked, offering him her hand.
"Ha. Ha. Very funny, Nee-san." Sasuke caught her hand and stood back up.
"Let's go with the basics. Hide the swords for now. What're the standard stances, when holding let's say, a kunai?"
"Like this?" His extended hands held a kunai in front of his head. His right foot was in front of his left one - with a slight skew to the side.
"And the genin stance?"
"Hmm? Ah, it was something like this, right?" Sasuke stood with his legs set apart and the tiny blade held in front of his chest. "This looks pretty much like the same as your stance?"
"Yeah. Can you tell me why those stances were designed as such, Sasuke-chan?"
"... It's what I lack, huh? Defense?"
"Yes, but not exactly. Genin's stance was created to prolong their survival for as long as possible. It was made purely for defensive purposes - with feet ready to dodge, hands prepared to parry and deflect strikes. What about the chūnin-level?" Kaname's teacher mode emerged, "Any shinobi with a blade is dangerous. The stance was made both for attack and defense. It gives you what you need the most in a weapon fight."
"Range?"
"Yep, basically, you want the stabby point as close to your enemy as possible while he has his farthest away from you. Can you tell me now what was wrong with your stance?"
Sasuke thought of his self-taught fighting stance and blushed, "Can you help me?"
"Why? It was a perfectly normal stance."
"Huh? But you said-"
"It was perfectly normal for fighting a big group of opponents surrounding you. But okay, let's start. Try to kill me. Don't look at me like that. We're in a genjutsu, and I'm only a clone. Nothing wrong will happen. Come on."
----
"Hey there, Granny."
"No. We're not talking about that!"
"I haven't said a thing yet?" Kaname asked.
"It better stay this way, Flat Board!"
"Sure. So, how was your night, G-?" The Uchiha moved her head to the side, letting a pencil bullet penetrate a wall.
"It was because of you! It must have been that alcohol you gave me! What did you use, you harlot!? Some kind of lust-inducing poison?!"
"Nope, only a watered sake. You did get your hands on normal sake later. You're welcome."
"Ugh." Tsunade clutched her hair, "What have I done!"
"I've something to cheer you up." Kaname held up a report.
"No! Not again. I'm not going to read up your entire life story."
"Not this time, Granny." She dropped several pages of documents on the desk in front of Hokage's eyes.
"Hmm? Six people were hospitalized? One was poisoned? What did you do to them, Flat Board?"
"Everything is in the report."
"I prefer to hear that from you."
"... Team Six, excluding Naru-chan, asked for training. I felt obliged to do the best I could for them. Sasuke-chan's situation is a little different - Orochimaru's seal takes control when he is under duress, the instant power spike ends quickly, releasing a fast-acting poison into his body. Asuma-kun's mind didn't make it and shut down - I may have broken him a tiny bit. Izumi-chan was sent to the hospital with signs of a major chakra deficiency. And Itachi-kun lost his consciousness because of blood loss, but he did that with a big smile on his face."
"Itachi? A smile? What? He never smiles!"