There and back again
"Are you sure?"
"Don't hold back. You can do anything you want." Kaname stood in front of him with a blindfold over her eyes.
Utakata observed his wife clothed in a black sports bra and matching tight training pants, "I think our workout will end up like all the others, Kana."
"Haha! I don't mind. Who am I kidding? I put that on just to get a reaction out of you, but you have to catch me first, Utakata. Come on." Her finger beckoned him.
"Before we start, what's the big idea? You can't dodge an attack from an enemy while being blind."
"Testing some seals. They should alert me of the enemy's direction of an attack. I don't want to get beaten so effortlessly ever again."
"I know you enough to ask this - are those seals safe?"
"I didn't use anything fatal. I'm sure the seals are safe to you, Utakata."
"... And?"
She shrugged, "The seals are Uzumaki's design used to enhance all the senses. I think my pain receptors won't go haywire."
"You think, Kana?"
"Uh, okay, it's a work in progress. I don't know what will happen, but I'm sure I need all the help I can get. I didn't expect Akatsuki and Orochimaru to get so strong. Those three quiet years made me rusty."
"... Are you joking? You're easily one of the top five strongest shinobi on the planet. Akatsuki wouldn't have to sweat so hard if they didn't meet you."
"Doesn't make it any better. Come on, hit me. I'll try to dodge your attack." She again pointed roughly in his direction. Not sure how the seal should help her, she waited patiently for Utakata's attack. Without a sound or any other warning, her waist was caught between two arms.
"Haah. You're not fair. I won't know if the seal works if you don't attack, Utakata." She settled into the hug with a content smile adorning her face.
"I did. A kunai almost nicked your shoulder, Kana," he whispered.
She rested her head on Utakata's shoulder, "I won't be able to test it any other way. I can heal anything not lethal."
"Nope, I'm not going to draw your blood. I'll think of something, but, at least, take off the blindfold so you can defend yourself, Kana."
"Nope, it's much more entertaining this way." She felt a small peck on her cheek. When he released her from a hug, Kaname instantly felt an unnerving solitude in her dark, silent world. 'Is the seal faulty? I don't hear or sense anything.' Just to be sure, she released waves of chakra of her body in a desperate attempt to perceive the attack. After ten seconds of waiting, she heard something swish next to her ear. "Tsk... Again!"
"You know it was the sixth one?"
"Hmm, maybe the seal doesn't work on thrown weapons? Try taijutsu?" she asked, preparing herself to defend. Without any warning, her feet lost their connection with the soil. Utakata caught Kaname's flailing hand just a moment before she slammed into the ground.
"It doesn't work, Kana." He stated, pulling her back up.
"Nope. In theory, it wasn't a bad idea. I don't want to scrap it just yet. Try ninjutsu this time." She pushed herself away and paused, waiting for an attack.
"... Utakata?" Kaname called out half a minute later.
"Haah..."
Something soft but heavy bounced on the top of her head. "Hmm-?" Kaname tapped the flying object, "A soap-?"
"Wait, don't!" The warning came too late. Utakata watched his wife's nail penetrate the bubbly shell containing five buckets-worth of water.
*Pop*
"Ah..." Kaname was too late. The water smashed into her with the power of a waterfall, splattering her on the ground.
"Hahaha, you okay, Kana?" he leaped towards her with a big smile on his face.
"Ha! Hahaha! I didn't expect that. Nice one." She laughed back, looking at Utakata.
"That's one way to make you wet, Kana-chan." A purple-haired woman twirled on her finger a washed-away blindfold.
"Yu-chan? What's up?" Kaname swiped the lingering water from her face.
"It's Hokage-sama. She is pissed, and it's something about what you did. You're to report to her immediately."
"What is it this time, Kana?"
"Dunno, Utakata." she shrugged, "I haven't seen Granny for three days already."
"In Hokage-sama's words. It's a political shitstorm bordering on the apocalypse." Yugao explained.
"So it's about Daimyō. Did he kick the bucket?"
"All I know is that I'm to bring your wet butt to Hokage-sama ASAP."
"Don't bother." the brown-haired man pulled Kaname back onto her feet, "We'll get there immediately."
"Really? I hoped to spend some... quality time with you." she purred into Utakata's ear. "Just the two of- Ouch!" he knocked the back of her head.
Kaname turned to Utakata and saw him smirking. She replied by sticking her tongue out.
"Ehem!" an impatient cough interrupted them, "I'm still here, you know?"
"Haah... Okay, come on, Yu-chan." She extended her hand towards Yugao. Once the purple-haired woman caught it, the group of three vanished in a flash of fire.
------
"... For fucks sake, how many times do I have to explain not to teleport into... What are you doing, Flat Board?"
"My hair is wet. I have to dry it up a little bit."
"With Hokage's old ceremony robes? Are you insane?"
"I know Shizune-chan is washing them daily, and I don't see any towel anywhere around here."
"Haah. No, I won't let you control the flow this time. Read!" Tsunade ordered, passing a letter.
"Hmm? From Tōu-chan addressed to me?... 'I got Rekt! T^T Pls, help me!'"
"Before Tōu took her office, some nobles felt emboldened and fucked everything up. Two days ago, a sizeable group of those assholes abducted several young civilian women."
"It wasn't for a nice dinner, eh?"
"No. Tōu had already convicted and executed them for mass gang rape and murder. But the blood was already spilled. Daimyō's palace is under siege by a rabid mob. All forms of diplomacy are met with a swift, bloody ending."
"... What do you want of me?"
"Listen to the end, Flat Board. It gets even freaking better. ANBU found out a rumor circulating around a mob. Do you know who their leader is?"
"That looks like Orochimaru's work."
"No. Want to guess again?!" Hokage yelled out, striking the desk.
"Hmm, seeing you so mad, I can guess it's somehow my fault?"
"You think?!" Tsunade growled, "... Chiriku of the Twelve Shinobi Guardians."
"Oh." Kaname scratched her cheek, "I wouldn't worry too much. It must be an impostor. Chiriku-san promised to hide with Sora in a cave or something. We both know he wouldn't rebel unless ordered solely by the Daimyō himself."
"That's one thing. Second topic. With the ongoing slaughter in Fire City, some may have missed it. ANBU found several mutilated corpses with their hearts ripped out, rings a bell?"
"Huh? That bastard is still alive?" Kaname's brows jumped up.
"I don't even want to think what would happen if Akatsuki got their hands on that Sora boy. Luckily, you're strong enough to resolve the crisis. Go there, fix your mistakes, Flat Board."
"I'm going with you." Yugao stated matter of factly.
"Nope, I'm sorry, Yu-chan." She pulled Utakata's arm towards her waist, "Don't worry, he won't let anything bad happen to me. See ya!"
"Wait!" Hokage commanded, "Before you go, do you mind changing? Wet sports bra and tight leggings have a noticeable effect on some of my hidden ANBU's. I'll have a talk with the three of you later!" she growled, seemingly towards the ceiling.
"We have to bring Kushina and Haru to their grandma, Tsunade-san. I'll make sure Kana picks something tamer."
"I feel sick looking at you two love birds."
"Heh, are we reminding you of something? Want some photos, Granny?"
"You didn't..."
"Who knows? Wanna bet?" Kaname with Utakata flashed away just a second before Hokage caught her in rage.
"I'll kill her!"
-----
Discerning his bedroom, Utakata dropped his arms risen in alarm, "Was that really necessary, Kana?"
"You know I don't like to be ordered around. Especially during a weekend."
"... I see, so you were bluffing."
"Hoh~? Why do you think it was a bluff? One of my clones may have stalked Jiraiya and Tsunade that night."
Utakata gave her a peck on a cheek, "Your voice takes a humorous tone every time you bluff, Kana. If you look closely, there are also some other signs, like amusement radiating in your eyes."
"... I didn't know it was that easy to read me. Not good enough. I need to put some work on that too." Utakata noticed a glint in her eyes, one he knew all too well. Kaname turned her back to him, lifted her arms, and whispered, "We need to go. Can you help me with this wet-"
"You're hard to read, Kana. For Tsunade and many others, you're a mystery. But not for me. We can do this later - a mass slaughter on the streets, unfortunately, takes precedence." he interrupted.
"Muh~" She pouted, "Okay-okay." Swiftly, Kaname pulled her bra over the head and faced Utakata. She winked and threw the cloth at his face.
Utakata caught it only a moment before the wet cloth slapped him. Lowering his hand, he noticed Kaname was nowhere to be found, "Hahaha, it's not the time to play hide and seek, Kana."
"Be right back!" came her voice from another room.
Three minutes later, Kaname returned clothed in a black-red ANBU uniform, "Are you sure you want to come with me, Utakata? I left a clone to take care of Haru and Kushi, but they could use a parent that wouldn't blow up if she bumped her toe finger on furniture's edge. I'm sure I can deal with the problem on my own."
"I have no doubts you can do it on your own, Kana. But from time to time, even you need help. Sometimes these easy assignments end up a literal pain in the ass."
"Okay, I don't want to drill that topic again. Let's go?" Utakata caught the extended hand. They both disappeared in a flash of red flames.
-------
"The city is burning..."
"Welp, the situation is worse than I thought." Kaname felt her lungs burn from the amount of smoke in the air. The palace sitting on the side of the volcano was the only place lacking signs of fire. From afar, she noticed a mob sieging the palace's walls.
"What's first, Kana? Tōu or Kakuzu?"
"We will get that asshole along the way. Let's find out what's going on there."
"Sure. I will fly us there with a bubble."
Whi soaring above the crowd, they found dozens of small groups converging around some kind of preachers in red robes.
On the courtyard, Kaname and Utakata were met with a big division of samurais aiming their weapons at the newcomers.
"Stand down, you morons. Don't you remember me?" Kaname scolded. Her words were met only with even more weapons drawn, "It seems they don't like me, Utakata."
"No wonder. You didn't leave a good impression last time you were here, Kana."
"Stand down! That's an order!" Tōu commanded loudly. About a half of the samurais reluctantly dropped their weapons.
Instead of fancy outfits, so preferred among the nobility, the yellow-eyed woman wore a plain shinobi outfit. Completely disregarding the principles.
"Long time no see, Tōu-chan. What was it? A week?"
"Uhh... Not funny, Kana-chan. Come with me - the situation is dire." Leading them through the troops, Tōu had to push some burly men away to make way.
"What do you think, Utakata?"
"That if one more idiot spits in front of our feet, I will feed it back to him. Why?"
"Heh, let's get all the info first. I don't want to fuck something up. Okay?"
"Move." Tōu commanded a group of three persistently stood their ground in front of the kunoichi.
"Hmph!" The biggest samurai smirked.
"... So be it." Tōu's eyes released finger-sized yellow sparks, "
"Hmm, no it's not Tōu-chan. She didn't lose her cool. Hmm." Kaname whispered.
"LISTEN UP, Morons! You don't know me! I don't fucking care. I'm your superior. You're to listen to my orders. Is that fucking clear?!" The retired kunoichi yelled out. Her presentation took effect as a lot more samurai's took several steps back, "Much better. Come, Kana-chan."
Once alone, Kaname broke the silence, "What the heck, Tōu-chan?"
"A lot happened. These men, no... almost ninety percent of Daimyō's troops have families outside the walls, Kana-chan. What you saw were mercenaries provided by the nobles."
"Bandits." Utakata added.
"Yep, you could call them wealthy bandits. These are pretty much the only troops I have available now. But come to my office, I will explain everything."