Confession

One week later

I woke up in the morning with the sound of Derya.

- Deniz!

What the hell did she want again? She's been using me for a week. 'Clean here, cook, do the kitchen shopping, iron the clothes, make my coffee...' On the contrary, when my father was there, 'Deniz, you sit down and I do it. Deniz, how was your day? Deniz, I made a cake for you...'

Also, she was trying to win my father's love with the food I made.

This woman was driving me crazy. She's been using me as a maid for a week. And I was only putting up with it for my father. Many times I thought about telling him what happened, but then I always gave up. It wouldn't suit me to spoil his happiness.

I have told myself many times that other children do all these things to help their mothers. But the only difference between them and us was that they had a mother they loved. There was no way someone in my situation could love her.

My poor father was too well-intentioned to see her true face.

And it looked like this was going to happen.

I decided to put up with that woman and what she did until I went to college. That way, I wouldn't have left my father in a difficult situation.

I changed and went downstairs.

- What was it?

- We're going to eat out today. Take care of yourself. As if I wasn't doing everything at other times!

- Okay. Where is my father?

- He's waiting for me in the car. See you later.

I did not answer. I went to the kitchen and had a snack. My phone rang. It was Peri.

- Peri?

- Hello there. How are you doing?

- I'm fine. You?

- I'm fine. What about the subject we talked about with you? You know, we talked in the canteen yesterday?

- Yes?

- Don't tell anyone about it, okay?

- Don't be silly! Of course, I won't. So what happened? Are you going?

- No.

Her voice sounded sad.

- You never know what will happen.

-I have no hope anymore. I guess it won't matter.

- Then don't you think it's time to confess?

- No, I don't think I can.

- Look, come to me after school today. No one is home. We'll talk about this for a long time, okay?

- All right. Thank you, Deniz.

- It's fine.

-See you later then.

- See you.

I looked at my watch. I had an hour to go to school. I took my bag, which was always ready, and went out. I started walking to school.

As I passed by Arslan's house, I couldn't help but think of him. He's been pretty quiet for the past week. He had never made a scene, neither at school nor outside. We met a few times at school, but he ignored me. I didn't insist and run after him, I mean. His calmness worried me. His current state reminds me of the calm before the storm. I was afraid of what might come after this silence. Ahh yes. Being afraid had been my favorite thing these days. I felt like at any moment he was going to come out of a corner and attack me. Thanks to him, I got paranoid.

And when I saw him, my heart was beating like crazy with fear. As much as I fear him, I try not to express it; I was trying not to show him my weakness.

Meanwhile, important developments had taken place on the Peri front. She told me yesterday that she was in love with Umut and even asked me to help her in this regard. Yes. Peri and I became better friends than I thought. I told her a little bit about Rüzgar too. But I was very superficial. I just said I liked him, which wasn't a lie. It was just a little lacking. Because I've been in love with Rüzgar for as long as I can remember. It had been a long time since I had passed the liking stage. Mine was a platonic love that had to end now. But that didn't seem possible yet. I still seemed to see Hope whenever I saw him. And my memories came to life again.

I tried to clear my head. At that time, I heard a voice. Arslan came out of the house. We made eye contact. While I was trying to choose between staying there and leaving, I suddenly heard Umut calling me. When I turned around I saw him. He was waving.

I also responded. Arslan quickly walked past me without looking at me. When Umut came to me, we started walking towards the school. We chatted about the weather.

Classes were boring. During the breaks, we talked with Peri about Umut's upcoming birthday. When I looked into her eyes, I saw sadness. She looked very sad.

After school, we went to our house. After dinner, we went to the living room. While sipping our coffees, Peri couldn't stand it and brought up the subject.

- I still can not believe it. I was so confident that you would agree!

- Didn't he explain why?

- No. He said he would call me later and left. And then he didn't call, as you can see.

- But he can still call.

- I do not think so. He still hasn't called. I am tired of waiting.

- In one day?

I said, thinking how many years I've been waiting for Rüzgar.

- What a day Deniz? Two years! I've been waiting for two years for him to notice me. But now I'm tired.

It wasn't as long as I expected though.

-Look. Don't give up hope though. Maybe he doesn't like movies?

- Are you mad? He is a movie lover.

- Maybe he likes to watch it at home instead of going to the cinema?

After a few minutes of silence, I spoke.

- We're just sitting here speculating, which is just ridiculous! The boy didn't even say 'No' to you! How worried I was, too, because of what he had said in the morning. If you want to hear the answer, call. Couldn't he have forgotten?

- Should I call?

- Absolutely. Or you'll die of boredom.

- Well, I'm calling.

She waited a while and Umut picked up the phone.

- Hello, Umut. Well, I was going to ask for the answer. Have you decided?

After a short time

-Well, when will you come?

A wide smile spread across her face.

- All right! OK. l see.

- So are you leaving?

- Yes!!!

She almost screamed.

- What are you going to wear?

- Oh no! I forgot to pick up my dress from the dry cleaners!

-Is it still open?

She looked at his watch.

-Yes, but if I go there, I'll be late.

- Okay. Calm down. I have a dress. I think it's appropriate for tonight. What do you think?

She quickly shook her head up and down.

She tried on the dress.

- This is nice!

- All right, then!

-Thank you very much, Deniz!

He happily jumped on my neck.

- Okay. So where will he pick you up?

- From my house.

- But this isn't your house?

This girl was truly in love. His mind was in the air.

- No way. Deniz! This is not my home!

I couldn't help but laugh. And I thought; I wonder if I would be like this if the wind took me somewhere? Would I fly into the air with such joy?

- Calm down. Call him and tell him to get you out of here. OK?

- Yeah yeah. You are right.

After a short talk, he came to me.

- The sea. I am very excited!

-I can see that.

- How is my hair good?

- He's in pretty good shape.

Fifteen minutes later, the doorbell rang. Umut entered with a slightly embarrassed attitude. After drinking coffee, I sent them off. At that moment, my phone rang. It was my father.

- Dad?

- My angel. How are you doing?

- I'm fine, dad. What's up?

- Honey, we're meeting up with some coworkers. We'll be late.

- Okay, Dad. I was just thinking about going out for a while?

- Of course. But be careful. And don't come home late.

- All right.

- See you, my angel.

Before I started thinking about him and Derya, I took my jacket and went outside.

I went to the street where the cafes are located. I couldn't decide which one to sit on. As I looked around, the door of a black vintage car behind me opened. And Arslan came out with a big man. They didn't see me. They kept walking towards the narrow street. The man told Arslan something.

Then he gave him a gun. Arslan did not take it, but the man forced it into his hand. Then he disappeared in that narrow street, the man. Arslan placed the gun on his waist. And messed up his hair. He leaned his head against the wall. He looked in my direction. He must have seen me because he walked towards where I was. I was in a rush. I turned in the direction I had come from, but before I could walk, he grabbed my arm. He took me to the narrow street he had come from. He leaned against the wall and stood right in front of me.

I looked at him. He looked angry. I didn't say anything and lowered my eyes.

- Did you hear what we were talking about?

His voice was so cold, like ice. My heart raced. He was very close to me.

- Deniz! Did you hear what was said?

-Oh..No.

-Deniz!

He said, holding my chin and looking at my face.

- Tell the truth.

I was getting scared.

-I swear... I swear. I didn't hear anything.

His hard eyes focused on my mine.

- Arslan...Please. Let me go!

- How do I know you're not lying?

- How am I going to convince you?

- You're staying with me.

- What?

- Shut up and sit down.

He sat on the ground. He was observing the cafe across the street.

- What do you include me in?

He looked confused. He got up at once.

- Come with me!

- Where are we going?

He grabbed my hand and started dragging me.

His hand was very soft against his appearance. And he gripped mine tightly as if I was about to run away.

He brought me to his home. He opened the door and we went inside.

-Yıldız?

- Sweetie?

She came out of the kitchen and came to us. She was alike with Arslan. I thought she is Arslan's elder sister.

- Don't let her go anywhere until I get here.

- Oh...Okay.

Then he left. Her older sister was stunned, but it didn't last long and she looked at me with a wide smile.

- Come sit down. I had just made coffee.

We talked while drinking our coffees.

- Do you meet Arslan from school, Deniz?

I paused.

- Yes, but we met at the first festival, Miss Yıldız.

- Please. Yıldız is enough.

- All right.

-I hope you're doing well?

- Well... I'm not so sure about that.

- How so?

- Umm... We... We don't get along very well.

- Ahh. Yeah. I understand. He is too introverted.

Introverted? That didn't fully explain him.

For an hour, we talked about many things apart from Arslan and their life, about the future, which profession I would choose, and things like that. She wasn't talking about Arslan. There were secrets. It was clear. Whenever the subject came to him, she would somehow change the subject.

She chose a movie and started it.

- I'd better go.

- Sorry. You heard Arslan.

- But...

- Please. Don't get me in trouble either.

I sat down again. While watching the movie, we talked a little bit about my life. I told her about my father, about the new woman. But of course, I wasn't going to tell her what she did to me.

Halfway through the movie, I started to feel sleepy. The last thing I heard was the love confession of the boy in the movie.

Rüzgar looked into my eyes.

-I love you, Deniz.

I looked at him with a smile on my face. And I hugged.

-I love you!

Rüzgar began to laugh. His body was shaking. I lifted my head to look at him.

When I opened my eyes, what I saw was that I was hugging someone tightly. When I looked up, I saw Arslan in astonishment. I leave him right away. And I jumped out of my seat.

-Well...I'm leaving now.

-Wait.

His voice was still cold

He came near me.

- I tried to wake you up, but... Anyway, you can't go alone. I'm coming with you.

- Look. I told you I didn't hear anything. I swear, Arslan. I'm telling the truth. So if you think I'm going to the police or something, you're wrong. I'm going straight home. In short, I don't need you.

- Stop your bullshit, Deniz. I am coming!

And we went out.

He broke the silence as he walked.

- I believe.

I looked at him. His voice was hard again, his posture, his eyes...

- Oh yes. That's why you imprisoned me at home, right?

- It was just a precaution.

- Anyway.

- For what I've done...

I interrupted him.

- Don't say sorry. Because once again you said that and then you walked up on me. I don't want another bruise, asshole!

He didn't answer.

When we got home the lights were not on. They probably hadn't arrived yet.

- Is there anyone?

- No.

- Don't forget to lock the door when you enter the house.

- I'm sure I will. Especially if there are people like you out there.

His view has changed.

- Come on in.

I quickly opened the door and went inside.

He stood by the garden gate. He had not moved, since he had arrived. I closed the door and locked it without saying anything so that he would understand that I was reacting to him. I looked out the window before turning on the lights. He stood there for a while and looked at the stars in the sky. He said something to himself. I could tell from his lip movements. I turned on the living room light but went back to the window by the door. He was still outside. He leaned against the wall. He lit a cigarette. The idiot was destroying his lungs.

He looked towards the hall. Then he put out his cigarette and slowly walked away.

My phone rang. It was Peri.

- Peri?

She was crying.

- Peri?! What happened?

- Umut…

- Keep calm and don't cry, please!

She continued to cry and spoke with difficulty.

- Umut. He asked me for something.

- What Peri? What? For God's sake, tell me now!

- He asked me to speak to you...for him! He loves you!

What?!!