Dark (5)/Chest: Almost Midnight and Tears

Here I am again

Just finished crying

Telling myself I'm tired but not really knowing why my eyes keep brimming with tears, tears that kept falling from these weary eyes

My heart feels so tight, so heavy with feelings I forgot the reason of how all of it started, how it all planted itself in this broken yet mended heart that always gets so confused and frustrated

Dying is not an option now, dying does not end everything, but it will give me peace, sleep forever without dreaming, without feeling too much, just calm

I am not allowed to die, anyway, I had responsibilities to attend to but don't get me wrong, it's okay to do something for the people you really care about.

My head doesn't feel okay right now, it feels the pain of exhaustion and of the tears filled with the mixed emotions all so bottled up in me

Little by little I do this, I come to this point in life where pushing myself to be happy and just accept that people come and go, opportunities knock, enter, then either stay or leave

I pretended to be okay, to be fine, that's just how life works and you need to choose who matters more. To choose is one of the things I so hate when it comes to people, they are never choices, to love someone, to be just friends, to be acquaintances or just go back to being strangers... I hate it all

I wish people would just regard me as that, just someone that would be temporary like they would be temporary in my life but then some people cling to the feeling they thought they feel for me but in reality, will fade away someday, replaced by a stronger feeling for someone else

To be loved and to love, I have that but why do these tears fall again now, the second time in a long time when the world is pausing from its super busy time

I don't feel fine, I am not okay, I am not contented, I am not enough of myself to know how I truly feel because all the people around kept feeding me with all their feedback, I don't know what's real now

It hurts inside and the tears fell then stop then continued again

It's past midnight now and I just lay down on my bed, really wanting to stop thinking too much even if it's not true