Rough day 3

Okay, just put on the smiling face. Everything is fine right now and nothing's currently going wrong. Everything is fine. Just forget about your problems. Washing my face again, I checked my eyelids, blinked sometimes, calmed down my voice, and exited the bathroom.

Opening the door I looked around and saw Leona. She… heard all of that?? $%^* why? "Why did you do that!!?" I snapped at her.

I grabbed my head in anger. Why couldn't she just leave me alone?

I ran off to my room. I just need to calm down. Going to my room, I lied on the bed with a blanket

I need to break up with Brian.

I'm not mentally stable enough to keep up a healthy relationship. I can't share any love for him if I don't even have enough to love myself.

My entire life is falling apart. This is so frustrating. I just need a break. I heard three soft knocks on my door, ignoring Leona. I just continued burying my head in the pillow. I eventually cried myself to sleep

…

Waking up in the morning I had a horrible headache and was still thinking about last night. I barely slept. I showered, got dressed, and exited my room. I saw Leona sleeping right against my wall. I cast a frown and morning,went on. Leaving the dorm, I decided to walk around canvas just to release myself from my toxic thoughts.

I can't let myself succumb to my thoughts like when I… hurt my mom. I never want to let it get that bad again. But yet I feel like everything is crumbling onto me and nothing is getting better and everything is just getting worse and worse than ever. I can't get a break. I can't stop bad things from happening.

All of everything came crashing down on me, and now I feel like I'm not good enough for Brian anymore. A relationship[ goes both ways. If I can't express that same love that he can give to me, then what am I doing? I'm just leading him on while knowing that I can't return the love he has for me.

I just need to let him down slowly. I can do it the day before leaving for the military. By the time I come back, he'll hopefully have gotten over me. But do I want him to get over me? And start seeing another woman? Would I really be happy seeing him so happy with another woman?

Everything is so overwhelming, every little thing feels like the end of the world even if it's not little, all of this is just too much. Am I overwhelming myself or is everything overwhelming me? Leona is going to treat me differently, like a freak a ticking time bomb.

I'm slowly drifting away from them all. Is that good or bad? Do I need to move on? Or is my entire friend group holding me back from going to the military. What if I die? Will I have left Brian and have left all of my friends with a note?

Walking back into the school my birthday's in a month. Going back into the school, I entered my class. With my weapon. Do consecutive bad things keep happening when is my entire life just taking a turn for the best?

I wasn't paying attention in class at all. I sat straight up and blacked out waking up some seconds later I blacked out again for some minutes. I can't hear anything hold on. What's going on? Falling out of my seat violently and rolling down a large amount of stairs. I broke my arm and dislocated my shoulder. "

I heard a lot of screaming and yelling and my mouth was bleeding. I felt myself being carried by somebody.

….

Waking up in the infirmary what's going on? "You were suffering from forced micro-naps when you don't get enough sleep for days at a time this happens." Nurse Joy said worriedly.

"Oh that I just need some sleep and I'll be fine send me off!" I said, pretending like I was fine.

"Nu uh you broke your bones." "What's been going on?" Nurse Joy asked me suspiciously "Are you okay?"

"I'm not okay? Is that the answer you wanted to hear? My world is crumbling on top of me I don't feel good enough for anything. I have nightmares. I can't sleep. Do you want to diagnose that?"

Why did I snap at her She didn't deserve that? Nurse Joy pulled me in and gave me a hug. No words.

Nurse Joy pulled away from the hug. Getting up from the bed, I stumbled across the room, leaning against the walls. Turning around, I saw her with a face that looked worried. Exiting the infirmary that I never wanted to see again, I put the entire experience behind me, hopefully, Yeah.

I just want to forget today. In fact, I want to forget the entire past two days. But that's never going to happen, I guess. Limping to my dorm, I lied on the bed sleeping as fast as possible.

….

I'm in a nightmare again?

Why am I here? I saw a much younger me sitting there, confused about what to do. I can't even remember my young childhood. Why is this here? Suddenly it morphed into a memory, a very blurry memory, but I felt a lot of pain and anger from it.

"Why is this HERE?!?!?" Something's wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. In anger, I looked around, trying to bash myself out of the dream. Why can't I leave? Suddenly I was back in the dark space that I remembered oh so vividly. Chain shingled and screams were loud. "So many tools to make you break!"

I was suddenly bashed out of the dream. Waking up with sweat all over my body, I tried my hardest to sleep more. It was disturbing. But nobody can get to me now. I'm safe. I'm secure. Closing my eyes, I slept again.

Then slept more and more.

Waking up, the sun was setting. Going into the living room, I heard a lot of ruffling and disturbance. Walking forward more, I saw Raimy and Leona buttoning up their clothes and putting them back on rapidly.

Somehow I'm slightly tempted to claw my eyes out, then bleach the open sockets. Or maybe just dunk my entire head into water until I forget about it. "Sorry! Sorry!" Raimy said fastly, putting his shirt on.

I ran back down the hall, turned, and came right back, walking towards them. "Sit down, we need to talk," I said to both of them. They sat down and I intensely stared at both of them. "I'm too tired for this @#$% just let me know when you're going to let him in the dorm and do your thing inside your room."

They blushed crimson red. Leona bowed as a sign of apology. "I did not need to see that, so I'd very much like to not see it again." They both nodded. Raimy left, and I trudged back into my room to sleep my worries away. But as soon as I traveled back to my room, Leona grabbed the back of my collar and I gagged.

"What was that for!" I yelled. "Y-o-u n-e-e-d t-o e-a-t" Leona had me sit at the table and she cooked a bunch of food. It smelled and looked amazing. When all the food was finished I ate as much as I could as fast as possible. Best food I had tasted ever.

"Thank you," I said finishing all of the food. She smiled and waved at me. "Y- y- y- y- y- y-" I turned sharply she was trying to speak. Rehab had been going good for her! "W- w- c- c- -o -o m."

I smiled the first genuine smile I had in days. Leaving the room and realizing I couldn't sleep again, I watched the news

It took my mind off of the bad things and watched tv for some hours. Then fell asleep once again on my bed.