Thoughts

I woke up with mountains of drool all over my mouth and pillow. That medicine had put me to sleep fast. Layla knocked on my door. "It's time for breakfast." I stood up, got into some pajamas, and started downstairs. I sat at the table where they both were waiting for me.

Layla looked like she hadn't slept in days. With crying out. Her knuckles were red, and she looked sick. I sat at the table in silence. "How'd you both sleep?" Mom asked us quietly. "Not very well knowing my brother is a F****** THEIF!" Layla yelled in anger. She had lost a lot of weight recently too.

I don't know what's up with her.. I just sat there not even arguing with her or looking her in the eyes, "You're just like dad you know that?" I mumbled quietly, "What did you say!" she yelled at me again. "You're just like dad!" I yelled back at her.

She looked taken aback and hurt. I didn't mean it. No, no, no. I didn't mean it. She slammed the table and walked to leave. I'm sorry, don't leave. Please, I'm sorry. But my words were all so choked up I couldn't even get a word out of my mouth. Dad had almost beat mom into a coma. I ran over to the trash can and threw up, crying intensely.

I ran to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My cheeks were cherry-covered, yet my skin was still pale and sickly, like a ghost. I look disgusting. Walking over to my bedroom, I didn't even eat a single bit of the food mom cooked and lay still on my bed.

I then received a text from Sapphire. I looked. It was 1 pm. She always tested me around this time, but every day it was getting a few minutes earlier. "Wanna call?" "sure," I responded to her text. She called me another face time.

She looked to be outside. The background was intensely loud, and it was raining. Her hair was wet and all, "Are you okay, now?" "Did you get any sleep?" she asked me two questions and was speaking like she was in a hurry to talk. "Yeah, I slept fine," I said, fixing my face into a smile and rubbing my eyes.

"You look... sick." "Yeah, I know I look disgusting and horrible." "Did you get any sort of sleep last night?" I asked her." I looked at her eyelids. She looked so tired.,"Eh, maybe a wink or two. Have you been crying?" I guess my appearance tipped her off.,"What's going on?" Sapphire asked worriedly.

"Nah, I just woke up. It's just how I look." She gave me a "I don't believe yo but I'll leave it alone." Look. We just chatted lightly for around another thirty minutes, allowing me to forget about my current situation and all the things bothering me. Her background had changed to what I assume her bedroom was.

"Alright bye." "bye" she responded and ended the call. I spread out on my bed and closed my eyes. But by virtue I did, all I saw was the dead body of Jackson flashing in my eyes. I know it wasn't my fault, but what if I was stronger? I feel so guilty. I'm glad I killed all of them. I'm glad I did.

They don't matter if they had a wife or kids. They deserved to be wiped off of the earth. I honestly wouldn't be able to hold down any food if scum like that were my father. But I had scum for a father. He's locked up. Now dirt like him needs to stay locked up.

I'm just using the dark thoughts to cover up how empty and guilty I'm feeling inside. What's wrong with me? I feel so much regret even though I know I won't get any prison time for this since it.

was self-defense.

This is stupid why am I even trying to justify my actions. Why am I even thinking about it? Every time I thought about how useless my regret was, it just came back crawling to my mind. Maybe being in a military school would be good for my mental state. Or make it worse, worse, worse, I don't know.

But all I know is that it can't be possibly as bad as just sitting here for years wondering how I ended up here.