Chapter 1: The Holidays

I stood at the desk with my head to the ground, and my eyes closed. I had ISS again, and I was not sure what I was going to tell my parents. They were disappointed in me as it was. My father always had to be up in my ear about how 'you had so much potential, you just blew it'.

Well... I suppose he was in fact right after all. I had a lot of potential, and I was an insanely smart guy, but I wasted all all of it on parties, drinking with all of my friends, and doing all sorts of different drugs with them. That was always more fun to me, rather than spend my night studying, and getting a job.

I had my friend Alexander right by my side at the same time as well. He was in fact my best friend, and yes, I knew that he was a bad influence on me, but I did not care. We were going to he homies for ever, no matter what people said about the both of us, I knew that he would always have my side, and he knew I was the same for him.

I looked over at Alexander at the exact same time too, as he did not seem to be out of it such as I was. Me, at this very moment, I personally just wanted to fall asleep. I was tired of school, and I was done with it at this point. I knew that Alexander was always quick to remind me that it was simply just 'one more semester', but as it was so far, it felt like it was taking an entire century.

The last few weeks especially, coming up to our winter break, as they liked to call it now a days, rather than call it a Christmas break, as they were worried that it would trigger a bunch of Atheist. Shit, what was I talking about? I lived an absolutely trash life style! I knew for a fact, that me and Alexander were not making it to heaven even if it were to be real.

I did not see how Alexander could stand it. Maybe it was because he had been doing this since middle school, as I knew he had been going to parties even back in those days. For me though, much unlike him clearly, I had one of the worst hang overs at this moment that one could ever imagine.

He was used to it at that point, as I to have known for a fact that he was just as stoned, and just as drunk as I was last night at that party. I do not remember it one bit once I got past the first hour or so, but I did remember a bit that I had to call my girl friend to take the both of us back home.

She had not been happy at all with me either, as some times it felt like she acted like my parents, telling me that I was wasting away my life doing stupid shit such as that. I always just rolled my eyes, and I just pushed it off as if it were simply just some kid of joke that we had between us.

I had wasted away at a potential scholarship to get in to college, as I had amazing grades, and I was in the highest of tier of classes when I was a freshman and a bit in to my sophomore year as well. Near the end of my sophomore year how ever, Alexander had got me to go to one of those parties that he always went to.

It was the greatest time of my life, and I do not even remember some of the stupid shit that I did that night. I kept on going to those parties after that, as I could not stop. When Junior year came around, that is when I blew any chance that I had to get a scholarship to a big named school, and by the time Senior year came around, they had taken me out of the good classes, to I did not have a chance even if I tried.

I knew I should not even use that as an excuse how ever, because I did not try at all when it came around to Senior year. I kept on going to parties, and I continued to try out all sorts of drugs. My mother, though she did not speak much about it to me, was the most disappointed out of every one, and I knew it.

I shook my head at the exact same time too, as I did my best to shake off all of those thoughts all at once, as well. I let out a bit of a soft sigh, which no one could hear in the room that I was in at the moment as well, as I went back to the thoughts about Alexander being a bad influence on my life.

Hell... I knew it to be true, but at this point I did not care. We had been through so much as friend through out the years, and he had helped me over come a lot of the depression and loathing that I had. I was grateful for my friend too, and I did not care if we did a bunch of bad shit together.

Our life was short on earth, and I did not want to spend it all being miserable and getting a computer job that was low paying, even if I was to go to college in the first place. I did not want to sit in front of a screen, until I was at the age of 65, and it was about time for me to retire and pack up my bags.

By the time I was 65, there was not going to be shit that I was going to be able to do, even if I was in good shape. That was not the life that I wanted to live, as Alexander liked to say, 'its my way, or the high... Way...' I always thought it was funny when he said it to me, even before I got in to all of that shit.

I did not want to live that sort of life, as I felt like, I would much rather live a fun and exciting short life, than live a boring long life. I smiled as I then shook my head at the same time, trying to shake off all of those thoughts at the same time as well, as I lifted my head up from off of the desk, to see what was going on around me.

I blinked a few times, as it took me a few seconds to get my eyes used to the fact that it was so bright in the room that I was in at this very moment. I just wanted to go home, lay in bed, and get some much needed sleep, as I did not get back home until it was nearly 3 in the morning just last night.

Sadly, I could not do so, as I was stuck in ISS with Alexander, and of course, we had to do some thing stupid to get the both of us stuck in there for not the first time this year. We had pulled quite a mean prank on our home room teacher, and it left her in tears. We did not care, as to us that only seemed to make it even more funny.

I was an ass hole, and I did not care if I was. For some reason, me seeming to hurt other people, and put them in pain seemed to be funny to me for some sick reason or another. Well... It was not sick to me at all, as that was not exactly where my mind was at, at this current moment, as I did my best to hide the fact that I was laughing.

Due to that, we got ISS, but this time it was just ISS for one day, as today was our last day before the Winter Break came upon us. We were going to be doing a lot of partying once that was going to begin and I could not wait. Especially once the New Years party came around, as that was going to be the time of my life, as I could practically see it already.

I smiled, as I blinked a few times once again, this time how ever, not to shake off the fact that it was so bright in the room, as my eyes had got used to it at this point. I blinked more to shake off those thoughts, and see what was going on around us at this current moment. I saw that there was a bunch of people in the room with the both of us.

They had gotten the same idea that me and Alexander had, as it was clear that they had known that this was the last day of the semester, and it did not matter what they did. All of them were just like us, as they were wasting away their lives, as I recognized a bunch of them from the parties that me and Alexander went to.

Most of them were like us, as they were shit faced, and a lot of them were asleep already. I shook off the thoughts of them though, as they did not matter at all to me either, as I turned my head over to my friend Alexander, seeing him smacking his lips over and over again for some odd reason or another as well.

I tilted my head, as I was a little bit lost as to what it was that he was doing at first, until my ears began to get in to what was going on around me at this current moment in time, as I saw that he had a piece of gum in his mouth, and he was smacking it insanely loud, to annoy the ISS teacher that was in the room with us.

I turned my head over to the man at the same time as well, as I saw that he had his eyes squinted at Alexander, as I could tell that he was annoyed with my friend. He did not want to say any thing about it how ever, which of course I did not blame him for, as he knew that Alexander was going to just switch to some thing else that was going to annoy the poor guy.

A part of me wanted to feel bad for the dude, as I knew that the man had done his best to try to help me, with the fact that I had just wasted away a bunch of my life to drugs and alcohol. To me how ever, the man seemed to be just like my dad to me, as he always brought up the fact that I had so much 'potential'.

That was why I did not like that man, though I knew that he simply just wanted the best for me. He did not know what was best for me though, and he did not know the life that I wanted to live. I turned my head back to Alexander, as I began to laugh quite a bit loud at the exact same time as well.

I turned my head around to make sure that I had not woken up a bunch of the others that were with us in the room, with the very loud yell. For some reason I was more worried about them than I was about the poor ISS teacher that had to listen to Alexander smacking his lips as loud as possible to get on his nerves.

Once I saw that the others were so out of it to notice the fact that I had yelled so loudly, I then turned my head back to Alexander, to see that he was smacking even harder before, as it seemed to be that he fed off of the fact that I viewed it to be quite a bit funny to me, as to what it was that he so happened to be doing at this moment.

I blinked a few times, as I then tilted my head at Alexander at the exact same time as well, as I was a bit confused as to some thing about him, and what it was that he was doing in the first place any ways. Alexander seemed to notice me do so at the exact same time as well, as he then began to stop smacking his lips, as I could tell that he was a little bit confused as well as I.

He tilted his head right back at me, as if this was some sort of competition as to who could tilt their head the best at the other one. I stared at my friend for a little bit longer how ever, as my thoughts did not seem to be on that at all how ever, as I then began to speak up to him a little bit quietly, so no one in the room could hear.

"Dude... Where did you get that gum from?" I asked him, as I looked down at the bottom of the desk, remembering that there was a bunch of gum under neath it. I felt a bit sick, at the thought that he might have actually taken that gum that was underneath the desk, and started to chew on it.

It really seemed like some thing that Alexander would do, and that was the reason as to why it had me a bit worried, as well as had me feeling a bit sick to the fact that he might have done that, as I looked at the trash can that was not too far away from us, as I was about ready to run over to it, and puke in to it, which would not be the first time that I had done so today.

As I had my head a bit dipped low to the ground, a lot due to the fact that I was looking at the bottom of the desk to see that there was a bunch of gum under neath it, but also a lot to do with the fact that I was just so tired, and I was so out of it at this current moment in time, that I was not even thinking correctly at the moment.

Alexander began to laugh a bit louder than I had, as he found it a bit funny, as it was clear that he realized what it was that I was getting at in the very first place. He was a fairly smart guy, though he was not book smart at all, as I knew that for a fact, he was for sure quite a bit street smart.

If you wanted to call the city that we lived in, in Everett in Washington the streets. Sequoia High School, that was where we were at right now. That was right... That was where we had spent all 4 years of our high school at. I knew that a lot of the teachers were quite a bit disappointed in me as well, but once again, I did not care.

I remembered that Alexander had laughed a lot louder than I had, but I did not look back to all of the others that were in the room with me, as I no longer cared about them at all at this point in time. I looked at Alexander, as I rolled my eyes at him, as I still felt a bit sick as to the thought that he might have actually taken a piece of gum from off of the bottom of that desk.

A lot of those had been his own pieces that he had put there how ever, so I was not sure if he might have some how snuck a piece of gum in to his pocket before we had come in to this room. Of course, I am sure it was not hard, as there was a reason as to why there were so many under the desk in the very first place.

I shook my head, as I did my best to just try to shake off all of those thoughts, as I was sure that I was looking like a bit of an idiot at the moment any ways, due to the fact that I was so out of it. I blinked a few times, as I heard Alexander begin to speak to me at the same time too, as I lifted my head up, and I then listened as to what it was that he had to say to me in the first place any ways.

"I got it from where you think I got it from Harris..." He said to me at first, as I was not sure how to take what it was that he had just said to me. If I was going to be honest, I did not have a clue as to where it was that he had got it from, but I just kept a straight look on my face, as I pretended to know what it was that he was talking about. Alexander began to laugh once again, this time a bit quieter, as after that, he then began to speak to me once again, and I listened to what it was that he had to say just like last time. "Which of course, is your wildest, and most vivid imagination!"

I looked at him for just a few seconds, as I was a little bit confused as to what he was talking about. I was also a bit surprised that he even knew words such as those, as like I had said to my self a few moments before hand, he was street smart, as he was not book smart at all.

Alexander then took the piece of gum out of his mouth, and he then reached a bit down below, at first looking like he was going to put the piece of gum in to his crouch, which I rolled my eyes at him for doing so, as I wished him luck trying to get that piece of gum from out of his pubic hairs if that were the case as well.

Alexander reached past that how ever, and he did what he always did, and he stuck the piece of gum back on to the bottom of the desk, with the rest of the pieces of gum that were stuck under it, as I heard a loud sigh come from the ISS teacher that was with us in the room, as he then turned his head back around, as soon as I looked over at him, and he then began to tap on his keyboard.

I was not sure if he actually was doing so, or if he was pretending to do that, just to get his mind off of the thoughts that he had been having. I was not sure, as I felt like at the same time too, he very well could be writing a report for Alexander to the principal, which of course Alexander did not care about at all, as he had spoken to her plenty of times.

I looked away from the teacher at the exact same time as well, as I then turned my head over to Alexander once again, and then I pushed him a little bit at the same time as well. It did not do all that much, as he was way bigger than me, and I also had not pushed him that hard either, as I knew that what he had said was a bit of a joke.

Alexander reached his hand over to his arm, and then he began to rub his arm at the same time as well, as he had a bit of a sad and a hurt look on his face, as if I had actually hurt him when I had pushed him just a little bit. I knew it was a joke how ever, so I did not feel bad about it at all.

I rolled my eyes at him, as I shook a little bit in the chair that I was sitting in at the same time as well, as if it was a rocking chair, and I could move it back and forth. I laughed a bit more quiet to him, as this time I really did not want to draw all that much attention to us, as I all of the sudden got a much more serious look on my face as I then began to speak to him at the same time too.

"So... What are we going to do for Winter Break? You have any plans?" I said to him at first, as I blinked a few times at the same time as well, to let him know that it was a genuine question, and I was interested to hear what exactly his plans were for the both of us when it came down to it. I then began to think at the exact same time about some thing else, which also had me a bit worried, as I looked right in to the eyes of my best friend, with a real serious look on my face, as I then began to continue to speak to him, as to where I had left off. "Hell... What are we going to do when the summer comes? We only have one more semester..."

I looked at him, with a serious look on my face, to let him know that I was a bit worried as to what our plans were in the first place. I never really had thought it through, as I knew that I wanted to move out of my parents place, but at the same time too, I was not sure what it was that I was going to do, and how I was going to make a living in the first place.

I knew that there were plenty of places for me to get jobs, but at the same time as well, I really could not help but be a little bit worried as to what my future had in store for me. I really had not ever thought about it, as I had just been going through my day by day life as if it were all just a big joke.

I knew that it was not though, and if there was at least one thing that I needed to listen to from my father, it was the fact that I needed to have plans for what it was that I was going to do with my life next. I gulped at the thought of all of it at the same time as well, as I really did not want to be worried about it too much at this moment.

It might sound stupid, but I just wanted to keep doing what it was that I had been doing before, and just keep going to parties, and keep doing a bunch more stupid shit with my friends. I let out a bit of a soft sigh, as I shivered just a little bit, as I then looked at Alexander right in to his eyes at the same time as well, as I could tell that he too took what it was that I had said quite a bit serious.

He then began to laugh at me, but I could tell that it was quite a bit of a nervous laugh, as he did not really view what I said as a joke as I could tell. That was when I squinted my eyes at him, as I felt like I did in fact want a serious answer out of him, as I was not so sure what it was that we had in plan for our future.

Maybe we just over dose, and call it quits after that. We were fucked up as it was... I shook off all of those thoughts at the same time as well how ever, as I knew that those were quite dark thoughts that I was thinking at this moment, and I should not be having my head lost in those.

I saw that Alexander could not have his eyes locked on me for any longer, as I saw his head dipped a bit low to the ground at the same time too. I did the same as he was doing, as I too dipped my head quite a bit low to the ground, as I felt like I should not have said what it was that I had just said in the very first place.

It might have been a bit of a mistake, as I knew that Alexander was not angry at me, as that was besides the point. I knew that he was scared, and frankly, so was I, as I was not so sure what it was that we were going to do in fact. I let out a bit of a soft sigh at the same time as well, as I just kept my head down low for a little bit longer.

Maybe some day I could be an ISS teacher such as this guy, though I felt like they would not hire me if they saw all of my records. I shook my head at the same time too, as I all of the sudden heard Alexander as he had begun to speak to me. I lifted my head up, as I kept my eyes squinted at him, as I listened to what it was that he had to say to me at the same time too.

"I've got a plug that we can work with, and we can sell drugs to a bunch of people if we need too... He has already offered me it, but you know... We are still in school... So... Yeah..." He said to me. I looked at him for just a few more moments, as I kept my eyes squinted at him for just a little bit longer at the same time as well, after what he had just said to me.

I really did not want to live my life going around selling drugs, but if it put money on the table, than I suppose that I could not say no to it... I was not even sure if places such as a fast food place would want to hire me if they were to see all of my records that I had, and how many times I had been caught with illegal stuff that I should not be messing with at all.

I had a chance to clear my record, by snitching in the person that was giving it to us, but I once again, fucked that up as well. I remembered the exact words that I had said to the person that was in the room with me. "I ain't no snitch" I had said to him for some idiotic reason, as if I was some kid from Chicago.

I knew that no one would have known about who had snitched, but for some reason that was the decision that I had made, and I was starting to realize now, that it was quite a stupid one as well. I shook my head, as I sighed a bit to my self, as I did my best to shake all of those thoughts from my head at the exact same time too.

I lifted my head up, as I looked up at my friend at the same time as well, as I could see just about the same worried look on his face, that I knew that I had on mine at this very moment. I was a bit afraid, and I was starting to think that what people had said to me, was in fact correct, and I had blown my potential that I had.

I shook off those thoughts, as I blinked a few times, when I saw Alexander looking right at me with his eyes squinted. It was as if he thought that I was some how snitching to him to the authorities for some odd reason or another. I tilted my head, as I was a little bit confused as to what was going on with him.

He shook his head at the same time as well, as he let out a loud sigh as well, as he then pushed his chair back a little, as I could tell that he was worried still, such as I was, as he was doing his best to try to shake off all of those thoughts from his head at the same time too, which I did not blame him for.

I stared at him for a bit longer, as I looked him right in to his eyes, to let him know that I was serious, and I was a bit scared as well. I was not sure what was to happen to us, if we did in fact take that job that he was talking about, and what would happen if we were caught by the authorities.

We both were 18 now, and if we were in fact caught, than it could mean jail time for the both of us. I did my best to shake off those thoughts, as I sighed a bit to my self, as I kept my eyes locked on to Alexanders. I then nodded to him, to let him know I was about to speak, he moved forward a bit, and he then nodded back to me, to let me know he was listening to what it was that I had to say to him. As I saw him do so as well, I then began to speak to him.

"I just... I just can't help but be a little bit afraid man... What if every one was right about us?" I said to him, as I knew that we were a big name around the school. Well Alexander was, as I knew that most people just viewed me as his side kick, as he was the bigger dude, and he was the one that had most of the power.

I was glad to be his side kick, so to say how ever. As I knew that we were going to be best bros for life, and that we were never going to let each other down on any thing. I sighed a bit to my self once again, as soon as those thoughts came in to my head, as I did my best to tell my self, and perhaps lie to my self, as I told my self that things were going to be alright.

I smiled a bit, for some odd reason, but maybe it was just the thing that the both of us had needed, as I could tell that my friend was quite a bit on edge at the moment, as I could tell that what I had just said to him not too long before now, might have gotten a little bit in to his head. I had not meant to do so, but I could not help but relay the thoughts that I was having, right back over to him.

Once Alexander saw me smile, I could tell that it made him feel a little bit more safe for some odd reason or another, as he leaned back in his chair a little at the same time as well, and he smiled right back at me. I shivered a bit, as I still felt like I could not help but to feel a little bit afraid about all of this, and what our future had in store for the both of us.

This was my best friend, and I cared just as much about him, as I cared about my self. I knew that he felt the same way about me as well, with out a doubt. Alexander looked around for a few seconds, as I saw as I was looking right at him, as if he was making sure that no one was listening to the both of ours conversation. After a few more seconds as well, he then looked back at me, and he shook his head as he then began to speak back to me, and I listened to what it was that he had to say at the same time too.

"Man... Don't come in here with all of that bull shit, and all of that non sense talk! We just need to be focused on right now... We need to be focused on winter break... I already have plans, and Zachary said he was in on it." He said back to me. I looked at him for a few moments, and then I nodded back to him, as if I was pretending to listen to what it was that he had said to me in the first place.

The truth was how ever, that I was quite a bit out of it, and I really did not have a clue as to what was going on. I really was lost in my head, and I really was afraid for what the future had for the both of us as well. I had heard the name of our friend Zachary brought up, as we hung out with him from time to time, but I was too out of it to even think on it at the moment.

I saw quite the smile on the face of Alexander, as he seemed to be enjoying him self a little bit now, after what it was that he had just said to me. I did not share that same smile that he had how ever, as I shivered a little bit at the same time as well, as I felt like I could just not help but to be a bit worried and a bit afraid.

It was clear that Alexander had got off the thoughts that I had just brought up a few moments ago, but I still felt like I could not erase it from my head as easy as he could clearly. As I saw him looking around the room and laughing, as if some one had just said a really funny joke to him a few seconds ago.

I felt a bit sick, as I did my best to try to shake off all of those thoughts at the same time too, as I then lifted my head up, and I then looked back up at Alexander. He was clearly paying me no attention, but I spoke up to him to get his attention, as he looked over at me, and then he nodded to me, as he listened to what it was that I had to say.

"Yeah... Lets just focus on the holidays..."