18–warm petals

If there were any perfect words to describe it then maybe Fern would use them whenever he thoughts of it. Of Theo's warm body pressed against his and his sad little attempts which had failed earlier on. Perhaps pathetic was more suited for the embarrassment he felt soo after he was turned down with the reason being both of them had to rise early the following day. Fern frowned as he turned his back toward hers, which had made him feel so worse, and with a heavy sigh, he shut his eyes.

Fern pulled the duvet and shoved it away, repeating this, he sighed again–he couldn't sleep. He turned toward her, his heart almost clenching as he yearned to touch her and hold her close. It had been days, which he hadn't felt that brave enough to bring up, since they had been intimate and to some petty part of himself it felt as if he was being rejected as if she no longer yearned for him like she usually did–as If she didn't even want him. Fern's lips parted and closed as he failed to gain the strength to utter something. He doubted it would matter or if it wouldn't lead to another big fight. Fern was tired and didn't want her crying again. The way she had torn him apart and so he shut his eyes, but unfortunately, his body was disagreeing. Fern couldn't get himself to sleep. He brought himself closer, very carefully, each movement done with his breath held quite stiffly and his heart beating heavily in his chest–his mind rushing with so many questions and a plea.

Theo stirred, lightly, as he draped his arm over her waist and brought himself even closer, pulled in close by the sweet scent that her body carried and the memory of a time much warmer than the one before them–when they were HAPPY. Fern usually buried his nose against her neck and breathed her in. He missed her. He missed her so horribly that he allowed himself to relish in the comfort of her scent and her warm body, he lost himself in her as he shut his eyes. Theo smelt warm and made him wish to hold her further as he thought of all the times he did when they held hands wherever they went or got lost in their world and got lost away in laughter and the sort of bliss he could only dream of presently, one he didn't currently feel he was to ever earn again.

Theo stirred again and this time he let her go, easing himself away before he could get carried away or make himself feel more horrid than he already was feeling. And Fern didn't want to fight anymore nor did he wish to upset her, Theo didn't deserve it. Fern was ready to roll his body to one side and try to force himself to fall fast asleep and not torture himself with the possibility of feeling her skin again or having her that close–they weren't there yet. Fern knew, and very well, that on his part he might have been justified but no way was he to his wife. He had acted in a way that had hurt her and had been hurting her the entire time. Fern only wanted her happy the way she usually was, laughing, smiling, and, curious. He didn't want that to change or for her to feel he didn't love her, but some things were harder to say or share and this one was even worse. This was his past and something he had parted with, it was all behind him and Theo right before him–his future.

Theo stirred one last time before Fern heard a sigh and Theo felt for his hand before he got ahold of it and directed it slowly to her chest, stunning Fern. Wasn't she asleep? Was this what she wanted? He found himself with knitted brows and a slight pout as he questioned her actions.

Fern's lips felt dry, but not as much as his throat as the words left his mouth. “Theo?”

Theo turned around and met his eyes in the dim light. Theo hated turning the lights off completely but hadn't even been paying attention lately and Fern had been glad when she had asked him to keep his lamp on, the unfortunate part was that she had chosen to fall asleep instead of them kissing further. He understood, he told himself, and left it at that–Theo could be not in the mood. Sex was just, overall, just sex. Theo could deny him that and it wasn't even his right, it was by both parties and it didn't matter how much he needed her–Theo didn't. Fern had been hurt, perhaps even humiliated but it didn't matter and he could get past it. This was however her hand leading him to her body and this he wasn't so sure about.

“Theo?” He attempted to make certain that she was aware of her hand which was tugging at his waistband.

Her eyes looked darker at the touch of the soft light, almost close to a warmer tone of brown. “You don't want to?”

“I do, but–”

“I miss you.” Theo tugged at the waistband of his boxers while her eyes were on his.

Fern was still not certain. “I miss you too, but. . . you're confusing me.”

Theo leaned to him further. “You don't want to?”

“That's not what I meant, I just–”

“I couldn't sleep either and I didn't have to be so harsh,” Theo confessed, running her hand up and down his chest as her soft hand was buried underneath his baggy white tee-shirt. “I understand, you have. . .needs.”

Fern's eyebrows knitted. “You do too.”

“We haven't touched in a long time, let alone anything else–I miss you. You miss me.” Theo's warm hand landed a bit lower and made him slightly hiss as he pressed his teeth together. “You miss me, a lot.”

He shoved dry air down his throat as he attempted to gather his thoughts, ones that didn't leave him so light-headed. “I'm fine.”

“You won't be doing anything I'm not giving you permission to do, baby. ” Theo's voice was as smooth as butter melting slowly against a warm toast of bread–he wasn't strong enough for this.

Fern did want her, missed her, and yearned for her in a way that was torture to a part of himself whose presence he felt quite heavily and so strongly, one he was sure Theo would take note of. “Of course, I want you and need. . .you but I don't want you to believe we only get to be intimate for me.”

“You're not.”

“Theo, I–”

Her lips stole the words before he could utter them further and the resistance he had been putting up for the sake of proving himself evaporated. Fern grunted softly as he rolled her shirt to her chest, leaving her almost bare. There she laid, beautiful and her legs parted, with nothing to cover what laid between her thighs, glimmering so beautifully that his eyes felt as if they were bulging as tears slightly formed. Fern held the intimate beauty highly as he parted her legs further and waited for her–for her to consent. Theo's eyes met his as she crossed her arms above her head and her chest heaved up and down highlighting the state of her perky buds that his wet mouth met. His large hand pinned her intertwined hands above her head further as he arched further into her and relished in her moans. Fern's mouth left no part of her chest untouched as he went on to praise her. “Beautiful.”

Her moans slightly sharpened as his hand traveled lower and clasped around her underwear as he fisted them teasing her further. “I've missed you.”

“Baby,” was all Theo moaned as she closed her eyes tightly, shifting her hips desperate to meet his hand, “please.”

Fern watched her attempt to wiggle her way out of the torture. She was so lost in the pleasure that he was so lost in her, begging as she awakened his need for her further and at this rate, her waist was moving in he was sure he was going to end up inside her, he needed it. But Theo was practically screaming that she needed him and by the sound of it far more than he did her.

Fern was bare of clothing soon enough and there was nothing quite like Theo when she stared at him or better yet a part of him with her eyes glistening with need and wonder, the way Theo invited him further and carefully adjusted to him, eyes closed and soft moans the best song he'd ever hear–that could kill him.

Theo was always so warm and soft. “Baby.”

Theo was the most beautiful thing but unfortunately for him, he couldn't control the pleasure holding his mind hostage and practically everything, leading his eyes to lose what lay before them as he met her every plea and pulled heavy moans out of her.

“Fuck, I love you!” Fern grunted to the pleasure, able to take just a moment to catch her face–he was so close. Fern held on to her thighs and Theo begged him to continue as if he could stop or even wanted to.

His grunts and her moans melted into the back of his head as all of him stiffened, her moans turning into whimpering as she gripped the sheets, and every moan after led to the scream she buried into his shoulder as she came.

Fern stiffened as came.