Chapter 9

Aurora

To say his words weren't humiliating was the understatement of the year, I knew my outfit wasn't exactly work friendly but he didn't have to point that out. I needed new clothes, asap. So, after I left his office, I went to the nearest thrift store and bought some cheap work clothes, they weren't tattered or faded, in fact they were better than anything I owned right now. I also had to do something about my job at the library, of course I wouldn't continue there, I had to quit but without a two-week notice, I am not sure if Mrs. Hemmingway would be happy. I sighed, I kind of have to face the music sooner rather than later, why bother? I walked to the library because I couldn't afford to waste money on a cab, now that I finally had 'work appropriate' attire to wear. When I got back, Mrs. Hemmingway was stacking up the last of books and was getting ready to close the shutter, I went up to her and she asked "how did the interview go?" without looking up, like she had some sixth sense that helped her feel my presence "it went good… great actually" I hesitated for a second. This place was the solution to all my problems, back in the day I loved coming here, I didn't want to leave but I had to, not for me but my mom, I reminded myself and cleared my throat. "I got the job and he is paying me very well to take it" I blurt out, Mrs. Hemmingway looked up at me but didn't say anything, so I continued "they want me to join from tomorrow itself and I know this is a recent development and you're probably mad at me for not giving you a heads up, I am really sorry" I said, looking down at my feet and feeling uncharacteristically ashamed.

"Why are you sorry?" she asked all of a sudden and I looked up to find her frowning "I get it, if it is what you want then I'll pay for the days you worked here and you can leave. I already have a few teenagers lining up for your job" she shrugged. "You really don't mind that I am quitting at such short notice?" I asked incredulously, and here I thought I was indispensable. She went to the front desk and took out a white envelope, then she came sauntering back at me "here, take this" I opened the envelope and a shocked gasp left my mouth. "I can't take it; this is too much Mrs. Hemmingway" the amount of money she was trying to hand me over could possibly be from some other employees salary. I can't take someone else's money like that, I shake my head, more determined than ever "you could probably use this for the renovation of the library, as for my salary I know it is 67.02$ and that is exactly how much I want you to pay me. I don't need any more favors from you Mrs. Hemmingway, you've done a lot for me" I gave her a pleading look and hoped that she understood. I hoped she wouldn't put me in a situation where I had to sacrifice my pride for the money I don't even deserve.

She gives me a nod, then hands me my salary and we say our goodbyes, I am not sure if I'll ever return to this place but I'll always be thankful for all that Mrs. Hemmingway has done for me. When I get back home Amelia is preparing mom's dinner, she gives me a smile and says "You're here early, your mom is still awake. Do you want to feed her?" I nod immediately "it's been a while since I spoke to her, I'll take care of her dinner Amelia. You should go" Amelia doesn't hesitate one bit, she grabs her bag and leaves me alone with my mother. I sigh and freshen up before re-heating maa's soups and walking into her room. She looks weak and her cheeks are sunken but her skin isn't as pale as it was yesterday, so that's a development, I guess. "Hey maa" I speak softly as I sit on the table near her head, "I brought you dinner" smiling down at her, I place the plain tomato soup next to me and help her into a sitting position. She weighs less than a feather and I feel so fucking bad for her, but I can't show weakness in front of her, not now. "My darling daughter" mom's voice is just above a whisper but the love her words is so palpable, I hear it loud and clear and it makes me want to cry even more. I clear my throat and give her the good news, "I found a new job, and I also quit the jobs at the library and the bar" I wince at the mention of the bar but quickly recover from it "this job pays really well mom, I can pay for your treatment now. You'll be a cancer free woman in no time. I am sure of it" I say beaming at her and feeding her the soup. Her eyes sparkle with what looks like tears and I frown, did I say something wrong? "it's not you, sweety" maa assures me "you've seen so many hardships since a very tender age, I am sorry sweetheart, to put you through all this heart ache. I know you've always wanted to become a lawyer and my cancer put a stop to all of your dreams. At this point, I wish I'd just die, so I wouldn't be such a burden on you" my nostrils flare and my cheeks burn with anger, "Don't you ever say that again, don't you ever say that to me, mom" I say through gritted teeth, "You are not a burden, you never were. In fact, you are the only person who's keeping me sane at this point. The only person who truly loves me. I can't lose you too mom" tears fall down my cheeks at this point and I can't control it, so much for keeping her happy.

"Oh dear! Come here" she says patting on her lap, I gently place my head on her thin legs and feel oddly like a little child seeking her mom in times of destress. Mom slowly moves her hand through my hair and I feel a sense of calm overcome me, "tell me about this new job of yours" she asks, "I'll be a P.A. for my boss, it's a construction firm and they are paying really well" mom hum's… but says nothing. I wonder if she still remembers Michael, it was a long time ago but he was my first and only boyfriend, so I guess he's pretty hard to forget. "Mom, do you remember Michael Calloway?" I ask as I snuggle deeper into her lap, "The young boy you were friends with? Of course, I remember, I have cancer Rory not Alzheimer's" good point. "He is my boss, now" I tell her carefully, she tries to chuckle but it's more of coughing fit. "Isn't that wonderful, I still remember, so in love you were with that boy" she's right, I was, and I never stopped loving him but I can't tell her that. "It was a long time ago, I am sure he's forgotten everything about me" I try to placate but, on the inside, the thought of Michael forgetting everything about me, is maddening to say the least.

"You sound oddly dejected about it" do I? probably, but I don't want anyone to know about my feelings for him. Mom's soft hand on my head is so soothing, it's lulling me to sleep, but it's been so long since I had a single conversation with her, I wouldn't waste this opportunity. "I did something bad to him maa" I confess in a soft voice and her hand stills on my head "nonsense! There is no way you'd hurt a fly let alone a whole human being. I know you, you're the sweetest bee to be born" I smile at that, if only she knew what a horrible person, I've been to him. "You don't know maa" I tell her with a sigh "hmm… then maybe you should rectify the mistake" I tilt my head and look up at her, "And how do I do that?" I ask.

She taps my nose fondly, "Just be yourself, you are enough honey, and if you genuinely regret your mistakes then go ahead and apologize. After all, it takes a bigger man to accept his faults and apologize for the same" maa kisses my forehead softly and it's the closest to heaven I'll ever be in this lifetime.