Prologue

Have you ever been in love? Or maybe you walked through life alone? Have you watched as everyone around you fell in love, got into relationships, kissed, had sex, broke up, and fell into a vicious circle until they met the one person and started families? Did you love it? Have you been loved? No? Welcome to the club. I wasn't either. Yes, you see right. I used the past tense. But sometimes I regret not being able to use the present tense. Maybe then life would be easier. I was not. But no. It would not be. It would be sadder.

Have you ever been in love? I was not. By the time. Until I met HER. Then everything changed. I have changed.

***

Although I believe the word "missing" would be more appropriate here. Unless it's about black humor. You can bind me to him.

But ... Who am I?

I am the person you pass on the street. I can be anyone, but I am nobody. Exactly. I am nobody. The worse part of the landscape.

Maybe I'm the girl you see at work or school every day. Maybe I am that attractive, long-legged blonde, or that I am a gray mouse in constantly stretched clothes, who never speak because of a lack of self-confidence. I am a brunette? Red with freckles? Or maybe the hair is a reflection of one of the colors of the rainbow? Maybe I am European, Asian, American, African-American, Indian?

As I mentioned, I am nobody. You know me but you don't. Contrary to appearances, I can count people who do not forget about my existence on the fingers of one hand.

You can call me Dark.

Do you want to know why I'm in this place? At this point, when you sit comfortably, relaxing with a cup of coffee in your hand, I am dead.

Do not panic. I expressed badly. I can't die since I'm dead inside, right?

I may be standing on the cliff now, listening to the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks, regretting my lack of courage.

And if I'm not dicing with death, I'm probably at work, school, shopping, with friends, or at a certain person's grave right now. Not crying, not feeling, just standing and looking.

Do you know how exhausting smiling every day is? Creating the appearance of normalcy? If so, I sincerely feel sorry for you. I do not wish this to anyone. If not, be careful, as it may also catch you. You or your loved ones.

The worst thing about us humans is that we prefer to live in delusion. We don't want to see the obvious signs and silent pleading for help. However, when it comes time to give up, to lose to pain, with ourselves, we label the person with the label of a "coward" and "suicides", who was simply selfish and did not think about the suffering of his loved ones.

I was at the border when I met HER - my first love.