Hurt

I went to my classroom after we ate together. Yes. I don't understand why I do that, it's just that... I also felt guilty for him and that's the only way how can I say thank you for the food. And there's something in me that glows up, as if I feel relieved... of him.

Not because I feel sorry for him because of that. I Just realized I'm being rude to him for almost a days! Just now it sinks in completely on me. I can't contain it anymore, it's not enough to say sorry with that. I think I can exert more effort?

I realized he's good to me. He never complains to me at all, towards my attitude how I treated him like a fool. I just didn't really notice everything I showed him which is... bad.

I felt more guilty in that thoughts, all these days I'm being rude to him. I wanted to say sorry but I know to myself what would be his reaction, and that's the time I will be irritated with him again. I have this something in my mind to make a change, somehow, I think.

If he can't appreciate that. It's up to him. I just want to pay back, however, I don't know after this. After I did.

"Where have you been, Ms. Heon. It's late. You have someone to eat with and you're acting in front of us, you type which is Langford-" I shut her off.

"What the fuck? Do you want to embarrass me?" I said putting my things in my chair. I just sat down and the prof wasn't there, so Heart opened up again.

"Are you shy to be with that hot sexy guy, really? Where's your brain teh? At the feet? Look," she surveyed my body up and down.

"Enough for you two. That hot guy you're talking about is near here too. Don't worry." Jezley grinned at me.

"Your style, rotten. You were put first so it wouldn't be obvious that you ate together? Wow, is this a secret relationship with a shame?" Heart sight. He turned his back on me.

I immediately looked at the newcomer Langford. He's grinning, I've noticed that before and I'm just trying to get annoyed with him because before. My pride is beyond on my level. Damn. He sit next to me. I can smell his manly perfume. I don't think I can stop sniffing. I think my nose is going to run out.

"Good morning." he said softly.

I don't assume things but, who will he tell, I'm the only one next to him? Bwesit na 'to. We just ate together and that's it! The whore is still very confident. Even if I think he's cheap at first, maybe it's okay.

I sight. I pretended to hear nothing. Later I wasn't the one he told so I was embarrassed. Then that goes on and on until later like in previous days! So I also had a badtrip all day.

"Good morning, Kane," he said again. He lay down to see my face. What the fuck.

"What ?!" I said irritated.

"Easy, babe. I just wanted to greet you. I've been to my breakfast. It's fulfilling." he teased.

My brows furrowed. I don't say anything. I don't want us to fight again, then I'll be guilty of him again.

"Whatever your ass." I rolled my eyes.

"You want my ass?" it's as if he meant to let the two next to me hear you.

I glared at him. "Shut the fuck, up-"

"Damn it. Kane, you want ass." he shouted it so the whole class heard. The gaze immediately landed on me. I want to sink into shame that I shouldn't be ashamed of because he's the one who planned it! Damn this boy. You gotta hit my nerve.

Instead of defending me, these two laughed at me. They gave me a wide smile and cheer me, as if competition 'to. The puchas are really bwesit. I saw Anissa's reaction. I know Langford likes it too, I just keep quiet. I don't care either.

"Fuck you! Fuck you! To the bone!" I shouted at him before I walked out. Damn this. I thought it was okay.

I even heard my classmates laughing and teasing me! The other girls were turned on because they didn't like me. Because Langford is approaching me. I know they want my position too. The same way I hate it. So much.

I took a quick breath and went to the bench and sat down there. Isn't there a day he won't tolerate me? Even just one day, please? I feel tired too fast. I'm the type of person who just cries when he's tired. But I didn't give up either, I just wanted to cry.

He followed me, I didn't look at him and just bowed, he might see me crying just because of that. Then the same thing will happen.

When I was kind to him it seemed like it was worse to date him. And I was only more irritated by what he was doing. I wiped my tears, because my hair was loose, he couldn't just see me crying. Damn why do I even have to do this?

It's like I'm the one who's hurting myself just because of him. I will be the one to adjust because of him. I will lower my pride just for him but he chose to do this to me.

Fuck, why its a big deal to me.

I felt like he was just in front of me. I still don't speak and so do I. What for? He's done playing this game. I am the loser. He still doubts what he will do. After a while he disappeared from my sight so I went to the school garden. I prefer to simmer first.

I prefer to reflect first. I am a very affected person and I admit that. Maybe it's just not really obvious sometimes, but I take to heart all the words I receive. I just keep quiet and overthinking sucks me. Big time.

I just played with the weeds and then threw it away. My tears earlier dried in the air. The viscosity, pucha. I know it's still obvious that I've just finished crying but I don't care about that anymore. They also use it.

They are here, yes. But they never care at all.

I felt someone in the back but I ignored that. Sitting as I crouched on the grass hug hug my knees.

"I'm sorry. I just think it was a joke, but I realized it hurt you ... so much. I'm sorry." he told me something. I ignored. Neither look at him I have no appetite.

"I saw your two friends over there. They didn't just approach you when you were on the bench because I offered to visit you. As well as here. I ask them what to bring. So ... I buy this for you. I 'm so sorry again, Kane. I didn't mean like that. " he apologized.

I still did not speak. I just let him know what he had to say.

"The first time I saw you, I knew it was just an accident but it turned me out of a thrill. I just love the version of you. I can hate it at the same time, I wanted to know you more ... I wanted to know more about you."

"I'm sorry. I feel so insensitive towards my actions, I'm already hurting." he chuckled. Feel sorry, though.

"And it's you ... fuck. I hate myself now. I want to punch myself. I'm so sorry."

"Shit. Eat this now. It might melt." he handed me an ice cream.

I didn't take that. I remained stooped. He muttered a soft cursed before sitting beside me. I did not move. I just let him do what he wanted to do.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry." he said frustrated.

"Hey... shit. Please forgive me. I promise to do my best. I'll be nice to you starting today. I'll buy you the food you want. We'll watch movies together if you want. I'll accompany you to the national bookstore just to buy your favorite books. Just forgive me. Please, " I remained silent. He feels so sincere in his words, his eyes were like a puppy eyes begging, and I might fall... really, really, hard. That's what I'm scared the most.

"Damn, I hurt you." he brushed his hair out of frustration.