Heartbeats

"I can be your heartbeats."

Her face is pleading. Even if I don't ask I know what he will say. He was so very persistent and I was this called fragile and broken.

"Why me, James. Why me?" I asked. He is already very hurt by my words but why is he still here? He understands everything I say and... and I have nothing to lose in this battle. He was the loser of the two of us. I just think I'm hurting.

"If it wasn't you, who would it be? Tell me, Kane. Who would I not be you?" His voice was hard but the pain was still there. He didn't show that he was hurt, I could feel how devastated he was because of me.

"I don't know. I don't know either, James! Because every time I see you I know you'll only hurt me! Why me, I like you a lot ?! Why chasing me like this?" I couldn't stop my tears from falling. I don't care if people see us now. They will judge you in anyways. Why bother to look at them.

"Because you're giving me a hard time every time you tease me. I don't know either, Kane. All I know is I like you. If you ask me why I like you, don't even try, because I love you, and I love you is the only answer.

Don't even dare to think that this is a game for me because I'm trying hard to think right now. That... I am the one has been fooled.

All my life I was born to get what I want. But right now, the things I wanted to reached is so much high like I can't even reach it anymore." he said in a firm voice.

"You're one of my dreams I wanted to acquire, Kane." His chest went up and down because of what he said.

"If you're considering me as your dreams. Then, unfortunately, you're going to experience the real shit misery." I said.

"I don't care if I will lead that path. Just so you can take my hand a back. I will never change my map." He was serious.

Fuck love. Why you need to be this cruel in this man. Without a word, I hugged him very tight. We felt our heartbeat. Of each other. Why do we need to be like this? If I can love him. But not everything is that easy. I am the villain here. I don't know in myself that I can repay what he feels but... I'll give it a try. I don't want to lose people who value my existence. If they wanted me, fine. Just give me a time.

* * *

"Where are your friends?" He asked me. Again, we're here at 3joys coffee shop. When I study I am always here. I have always been here and there is nothing new there. The only thing that has changed now is who I am with now. They used to be my friends, but now I don't know if it's my friend or my friend. I don't want to put a label for fuck's sake. I don't depend on him and even more I don't depend. I just let him do what he wants, and I am very considerate you know.

"With guys." I said coolly.

It suddenly occurred to me how could something have happened to us before? Is he a good father to my child? I don't know, though. And at least now, I realized what I did then was wrong. Really wrong. It's really different when alcohol is your opponent, you don't know what you can do yourself that will ruin you and regret it eventually.

I put down my Chanel Bag before I faced him. I saw a glass of coffee. He was ahead of me again. That is not new. Even though he was hectic, he was still able to get ahead of me.

The next day is still the same. But since the finals are near, I have learned everything. I'm also a bit late because of the academic. Then I was still flirting a bit. I don't want to, I just give it to him. I also don't know why, but I'm sure nothing will be lost, right?

* * *

"Girl, isn't that throbbing?" Heart pointed at my chest. We're here at the mall now, because it's Sunday and we thought of wandering around even though we still have a lot to learn. I also don't sometimes remember how we slipped around no matter how busy we were. Maybe it's your blessing for us to roam even when it's busy.

We eat here at the City mall. We just go to some fast food chain because I was hungry because of what Heart did. We kicked him earlier Jezley because he was going to enter a store and then I would ask him that was nice then he would come back and come out. We are the ones who are ashamed of what he did before so the sales ladies think badly of us. Tsk.

"Probably. Why am I here now I'm not right?" my warning answer.

"Gaga. Not literally. What I meant is that, open your heart to love again. Because you know, Kane, I'm not the only one who sees what James is doing. We're not only your friends but also his friends and other people . "

"I don't depend on him. And why is your topic like that right away. I want to be happy first." I conclude. Not really. In fact he likes it even though I don't want to give it to him.

"I didn't say anything like that, Kane. It's up to me, while it's still early, you decide. You're not chasing the man for nothing." I looked at him. "And again, I didn't say goodbye. I've never been plastic when I tell you, Kane. Even if I hurt you with my words, you deserve it. I don't see what's wrong with you, but other people notice that. " She said in the matter of fact.

I fell silent.

He has a point in everything. I know that yes I have a part to hope for. But I also couldn't let him go because I didn't want to hurt him.

"I'm afraid you let him go because you might hurt him, Kane... you've hurt him for a long time. And not just that time, but every day you just don't know." I stiffened.

"What do you mean?" I asked. Yes, I accept that I'm guilty but you blame me for everything. It was his choice. I stopped him at first but he didn't want to. And now I look guilty again.

"Aren't you meeting?"

"No." It's True. He does send me flowers and chocolates, but he doesn't come to give them to me."

She looked at me. I didn't know he would hesitate to tell me or not. Her lips parted a little. He let out a heavy breath.

"I saw him," he began. It's like he's just forcing himself to tell me this even though his mind doesn't want to. But his mouth couldn't stop that. I looked at her even more. Is there something wrong?

"Where?" I asked. Again, it seemed like he was just forced to tell me but I needed to know. "Tell me, Heart. Where did you see him?" My voice almost pleading.

"I saw him earlier. But it's not necessary that I saw him either-" I cut her off.

"Please? Is something wrong? What happened? Why isn't he showing up to me? Doesn't he want me anymore?" I asked a series of questions. I need her answer!

"I have no right to tell, Kane. This is against his will." She said.

"I am his will. Don't feel guilty for trying to say. You already drove my curiosity and it's killing me."

"Earlier. And the past few weeks. I saw him in the cafeteria. I don't actually recognize him because of his face. I don't know why he looked like that." Her storytelling. I didn't answer and kept listening to him. I watched every words coming from her mouth.

"What about his face?" I asked. I have an idea but I want to be clear. Hopefully not like I thought.

"Is that you, James?" Heart stared at his face. He immediately covered it but a few of his passes could not escape.

"W-what the hell? What happened to you fucking handsome face ?! Is this really you?" can't believe Heart said. The bruises on his face are healing but I can still see a few marks because of that.

"Don't tell her about this." he said. Heart looked at him in disbelief.

"For fuck's sake, Langford! You don't show up to him! Even though we don't get home together often, we often talk in the classroom! And hello, there's communication. Cellphone like that!" Heart waved his cellphone to Langford.

"It's trendy to feel like you're being courted, hey! Don't be a ghost. November is still far away!"

"Just don't tell her." he said.

"What happened to you and why is your face like that? Did you get into a fight? Who? Why didn't you just say so? You can share with your troops even if they pass once." That's all Heart said.

"I'm sorry. Don't worry it will heal. Just don't tell her about this. I don't want her to be involved in my shits." he explained.

Heart laughed bitterly. "And at least text her! You don't even say anything. You don't even try to call her and then you won't show up to her and then send a cape of rose and chocolate? Actually, do you also want to pass from her?" Heart said to his face.

"I'm trying to be okay. I'm okay now, Heart. Just don't fucking tell her. I'll be back when it's over." He replied.

"You take care of your life, Langford. You're a big fool." With that, Heart left the cafeteria.

"Why did you just say that now?" I blame him.

"Because he really doesn't want to. But earlier I saw him again, and I saw him again. I don't know why that is. Does he have an enemy or what. Just visit him, Kane. That's the only thing you do. can do for him. " Heart advised.

* * *

In recent days I want to explode in shame because he sent me a red rose and in the very classroom he sent me so many saw. I wanted to support him but after we talked again and misunderstood, he didn't feel it anymore. I let him because it was his choice. I won't force him to stay with me, I'm just hurting him.

I know that, it's just that, a few days later he didn't show up but my room was almost full of flowers that he sends every day! If someone sends you flowers every day, you can build a flower shop. I know Langford is very rich but I can't believe he's still doing this.

My phone vibrates. I open it and I saw an unfamiliar number.

Unknown number:

Meet me today. 5pm in the snack house. Wear something nice. See you.

Is this fucking Langford?

Without any words I stood up and went straight to the bathroom. I take a bath. After that I walked towards my closet and I picked my Side Ruched Turtleneck Dress. This time, I applied more make up. I make my shade more darker than before. I put my earrings and get my black purse.

I missed him. Damn.