Trust

I accept everything he gave. I never complain at all. What I just don't understand is why I consented. Why am I just talking to him so fast. Why my speed to decide when it comes to him. I don't know why. There is a part of me that I don't like but I like more because of what he likes. I'm not a fool as time goes on I become more comfortable with him. I'm a fool because I don't know if I'm right even though I'm not sure about myself. Ultimately myself I do not understand.

3 weeks had passed and still he was so persistent and true to his words. I admit it the first time I saw him. I saw how firm he was but never on how soft he can be. He may be cruel and jerk but I am hoping that this time, he'll be nice and care free. Nothing more. But that's not what I expected because he showed me more than that. I didn't know what to do because I agreed to what he wanted.

Ever since we talked in her car everything has changed. That time, I wanted to shout in front of his face so that he would know that not only was he annoying that time, but I was really angry at being his childish mind. When I said he will talk. He did. Sometimes I can't read him. Not just once but always. I don't know where I'm going to trade an answer to throw that at him.

"It's just sad because we're about to say goodbye to where our cavalry began as students." I said. I felt him stare at me as I remained staring at the people passing by and the cars passing by leaving black smoke.

He chuckled. "Did you enjoy staying here?" he asked.

"Of course. FCU is my home. The memories there are very special to me. I learned a lot of things especially when I was in Highschool up to this day. I never regret enrolling that school because it gives me a lot of reasons to stay. That's why I did. " I said. Now I was looking at him.

I just can't really believe it because he's in front of me right now. Not just now but always. I can't quite imagine that, after what happened to us this is where we go. I wanted to ask myself but even I was confused with myself. Even I can't give an answer to my own question. Just me, hopefully it won't be the same as the others. But in my mind, it was the same and nothing changed at all. Because everyone is hurt in different aspects but only feels one. But the pain.

He smiled at me. "Thank you for accepting me. I have flaws and imperfections but trust me, I'll give my very best. I'm sorry for the sudden but at least let me do this." he said, softly that causes my heart to fill the beat inside. But that's all I have in mind but for now I won't think about it and I might just hurt him with my words.

I bowed. I was just looking at my feet. I don't know what to say every time we talk like this. I didn't expect it but he himself said that I should just let him so I stood by it. What I just can't stand is how he feels for me. I was afraid that I might not reciprocate that eventually and I would see him cry because of me. I don't want anyone to get hurt because of me. When I did not answer he spoke again.

"When I started my life here in FCU, I thought it will always be plain and boring. My father and I, don't share good vibes so I used to hide away from him. That's when I bought myself a condo, be independent and to build myself. But everything's ruin when I realized my Dad has it's own Ace for me to obey him. That actually made me fucked up since it was him from the beginning who always put me in shoes I don't actually wear."

"I have nothing to say. Sorry I'm not good at advising." I gave him an apologizing smile.

"It's okay. I just want you to know me more." He said.

"What If I told you to stop?" I suddenly asked that made him stilled. He looked at me now very different. The soft Bess and fire is warring and very evident to his eyes. Isn't it so easy what happened to us? Too fast and I don't know I'm the only one he sees right now but I have a feeling I should be careful.

"Why would you stop me from this?" He asked. I could hear the bitterness in his voice. Every time he uttered a word I watched the pain come out because of my question.

"Nothing. It's just that... so fast. I'm not used to it."

"Why when you were your ex how long did he court you? One? Two? Or more than three years? I don't give a damn. Just let me prove to you I'm serious about this. About you."

"How about me?" I seem to be begging for my words. It was like I ate everything I said before. That I thought... wouldn't reach this far. That I thought I wouldn't give up. But what is it?

"What about you? Just trust me and appreciate what I did." he replied.

"I don't want to hurt you the way I hurt Marxie, James. The more toxic her relationship is the worse I'm in. You don't know me very well yet and I don't know why I am because there are so many others out there. Many women like you and crawling just to be loved by you. But you, also love ... "people who don't like you. I don't wanna finished it because, if I did. He will be wrecked.

"Please give me a chance to show you my love. This is actually different from everything I have done, Kane. I know I am being jerk to you but, can you please still believe in this jerk? I just want you to know how much different I act when I'm feeling like this. "

"Don't call it love. You don't actually fell it right now, James. Yes, for you it is, but in the eyes of cupid, it's just a show of how feelings being stupid when it throws out to the people who believe on it." I explained.

"You're saying you don't believe in love? You don't believe in me? You don't believe of what I'm showing right now and the rest of the days. Is that it? Kane, call me what you want but I'm hurting now. Fuck."

I bit my lower lip. I wanted to cry but I had to stop. Why do I always get hurt even when I didn't ask for it? Why? I looked at him but he was already bent over. We've been sitting here in the plaza mayor before because it's Sunday and we just finished church. But here it is again, another problem. We love trouble so he always hurts us.

"You're wrong." I said.

He looked up and I saw his eyes and lips were red. I don't know but I hurt more for him. I don't care if I hurt myself, but to see other people hurt because of me seems like one of my sins. "I believe in love, James. But for this time, my heart fall out of Heartbeats. Because right now, I'm leaving without heart beats."

"I can be your heartbeats."