Old Memories with Black Coffee

I live in a constant world of feeling how I don't even know if the world I live in is real or if I'm in my own worst nightmare? Losing someone precious has its toll and knowing that they don't have to see this world and what it's turning into is bitter sweet. I wish I could hold him one last time, but I know it will never happen.

His time had come, and I was left to pick up the pieces and live for the both of us. As I stood over his grave in the corner of the cemetery, the sun was mocking me as it beat strongly against my back. Funny, I always thought it was rainy when someone visited someone they missed at a cemetery. The thought made me smile gently as I touched his tombstone one more time before turning to leave. Perhaps it was his way of saying he was making sure I was okay. How ironically comforting and irritating to me that he would still try to comfort me even in death.

When days went by, I could barely see the difference anymore. Everything dragged on as if I'd never see any light at the end of my tunnel. However, it was that day a year ago that I saw something had to change. I came back from the dead, so to speak because I knew he would want more of me. He always demanded my best from myself even if I didn't want to give something my all. 'Life is too short,' I'd always hear him say. Silly how it's the little things I remembered so much about him. Perhaps in the end that was what mattered the most.

His hair how it curled loosely down to just below his ears where he always had it cut. The way his deep blue eyes marveled at any new information he could find about me when we went on dates. His olive skin and how his face would flush red whenever I teased him. His loud laugh when he was nervous and his smirk when he knew he embarrassed me.

A tear fell down my cheek as I walked back to my motorcycle. Wiping the tears with the back of my head as I picked up my helmet and slid it over my head, I took in a deep breath. Letting it out slowly, I started the engine and let my mind concentrate on the road because if I let it go back to that grave, the tears would never stop.

Feeling as if I was being watched, I looked around when I could. Of course, I could see nothing, but it was unsettling. Never did I have that feeling until after his death. Thinking of his name always made me cry. 'He' was all I could call him for now. He had a handsome name. At least I thought he did. Handsome face, slender body that was toned and tall. Over six feet for sure, towering over my five feet and seven inches. I always asked him if it was a family trait and he told me that it was a secret. Anything with his family was a secret.

Coming up to my apartment parking garage, I weaved through the busy metropolis. College had been rough, but he made it easier. Always showing me something new to do until we eventually just started dating. Organic and slow was the pace we had, but it suited us. We were friends who one night found that we should just give it a try since neither of us had been in a serious relationship for one reason or another.

Killing the motor and swinging my leg over, I went up the cement stairs to the door where I swiped my access card. I knew it was impossible but that feeling of being watched still lingered. Walking up to my apartment on the second floor, I felt my pace rushed and out of breath by the time I reached my door. Using the deadbolt and the swinging door bar guard for once, I rushed to the bathroom to wash my face.

Still red from the emotions earlier, I sighed as I started to pace the small studio I could afford. Nothing fancy, but still more than expensive. My small day bed and my small tv were the only two big pieces of furniture I had. Some shelves that the tv sat on and folding chair card table set up for a dining set was all I had room for. My clothes were in a chest next to my bed. The walls were ivory, and floor was light colored hardwood, not the nice kind, but the original work. The ceiling had those industrial pipes going through everything and they were incredibly tall. A small balcony that barely fit one person out there was just outside the patio doors.

This was home.

Sighing, I went up to the patio door and made sure it was locked as I realized that my day off was almost coming to a close. During the day I work at a café and night I help at my friend's bar. Keeping busy was my way of coping with death. Death lingered over this city like a plague.

There was something happening in the world. Something no one would have ever guessed. Ghouls were so human like they could almost pass as much. At least until they consumed human flesh or blood. All the stories I heard of a child of Dracula, werewolves, and witches were never too far from the truth. One percent of our population was now Ghoul. Humans could never tell which was which... until the ghouls were enticed.

Knowing how to tell was tricky, but I knew only because of him. He was a Ghoul. Someone who had relied on eating human flesh to live. He never wanted to hurt anyone, but he was still killed in cold blood. The squad, known to the Ghouls as Hawks but officially, quietly known better as the Ghoul Containment Squad or GCS for short, had murdered him trying to protect me when another Ghoul tried to get their teeth in my throat. The GCS relocated low risk Ghouls and killed on sight advanced Ghouls because there was no 'cure' for their blood lust.

That night I walked away covered in his blood as they carted him off, not even a funeral. He never reported any family, although I knew there was a family out there. I told the police we were just classmates and he was walking me home from a study session that ran late. The more they asked around, the more they didn't find much out. He asked that we be quiet and so we were. He did it for me.

Picking out my shorts and tank top for my night, I ventured to my bathroom where I stripped down for a shower. I always preferred the water so hot it nearly burned the skin off. However, now I thought of it more as washing away his blood from my hands that night. If I hadn't been so stubborn when he told me what he was, he would never have protected me that night. Maybe neither of us would have been there. He could have had one last dinner with his family, and I would have been happy with simply knowing a Ghoul. I remembered every tiny detail. The smell of the asphalt as my face ground into it. The taste of blood in my mouth as I tried to break free. The feel of the Ghoul's cold hands holding me down with a force I could not even describe. That experience was the first time I had been afraid of any of them. The first time I saw them as dangerous. Sounds of gunfire as the GCS pulled the trigger on both Ghouls. Worst of all, the sight of him looking at me so worried for my safety as the breath left his lungs and his eyes became cold. Trying not to act like I knew him when all I wanted was to comfort him.

Opening my eyes, I could feel the tears fall. Damn it, after all I did to try not to cry. My friend said there were five stages of grief and loss.

One – Denial and isolation. Two – Anger. Three – Bargaining. Four – Depression. Five – Acceptance. I couldn't really tell which stage I was at. Sometimes I could still feel his presence as I woke up resulting in a day long depression. Other days I accept it and move on with my life and have a great day. Maybe not with friends because I didn't really have any but working kept me busy. Everyone was pushed away after they buried him one day. No notice, just one day I was told by someone we both knew where they buried his body.

The grave was where they buried all the Ghouls, in the corner of the cemetery. While the information wasn't well known, it was known to the small population after the autopsies were completed. Obviously, there was a leak, and for the good of loved ones saying good-bye it gave me a small hope that this world hadn't gone to total shit.

Putting my hair into a towel and wrapping it above my head, I went out of my bathroom in my shorts and tank top and settled into my bed as I turned on the latest show I was fixed on. I couldn't get enough of crime shows and considering where the world was going, I was more than ashamed of it. However, that part didn't bother me as much as romances did. Romances made me both gag and cry from the sight of a lover wrapped in their arms. Perhaps it was me being petty, but I just couldn't stand the sight of staged bullshit romance. However, I could watch them piece together a weird coincidence crime shows and not bat an eyelash. I suppose we all had our ways of coping like that.

Falling asleep to the background noise of my crime show, I felt a surreal moment as I saw the streets of the city, the dark nature that settled in after dusk, I felt uneasy. My friend, Savannah who ran the bar, was there. She had bright red hair with pale skin and green eyes. Tall and thin, she always looked like a model to me. Savannah could pull of any clothing, but she usually went for the torn skinny jeans and tank tops. Her dainty tipped up nose could always seem to sense any form of bullshit, and her large, doe like eyes made anyone want to tell her all their secrets. She was a ghoul, and actually she introduced me to 'him'.

We were in the city at night, the lights looking dimmer than usual as we were laughing as we usually do after a hard night of dealing with drunks. I remember noticing but not really caring either. We were passing an alley way, when she pulled me in just so we were no longer seen by the street crowd that didn't seem to be as busy as usual.

"Maya, we have to go," she called to me pleadingly. Fear was spread across her face, and her color was gone even more so than usual from her features.

"What's wrong, Vanna?" I asked as I resisted feeling the pull from her as she tugged at my arm.

"He's coming and we have to go, now. He knows about you and Ty, and he doesn't want... shit," Savannah said as she turned around. Panic struck her voice as her breath hitched. Her hand went over my mouth and her other covered hers. There was no one there and yet even my heart started to pump cold blood through my veins.

"You go! I got you."

Pushing me back, she stood widening her stance to protect me as I ran. The city seemed endless as I tried to outrun what was coming after me. Then suddenly, I ran into what seemed like a brick wall. Looking up to the sky there was a tall and foreboding figure. Eyes that I couldn't forget even if I tried.

"Tyson?" I spoke his name cautiously reaching out as I stood back up.

However, there was nothing but pain when speaking his name. One hand reached out and wrapped around my neck with such strength.

Waking up with a jump that almost launched me off my bed, I was breathing heavily reaching to touch my neck. Coughing a bit, I reached for my bottle of water that I always kept beside me on the nightstand. The cool water helped me come back to my senses. Looking into the mirror on my wall, I saw that my lack luster hair was all tangled and wavy meaning I didn't get much sleep at all. My bright eyes looked dull as I had dark circles under them as my skin looked even more pale than usual. Savannah and I almost tied with how light our skin was, but she usually won for lightest. I could see my boss now telling me to sleep better and eat healthier. I just couldn't, I felt like I was being watched or when I did get some sleep I just kept having nightmares. Perhaps that was why I wouldn't say his name other than in my dreams, he killed me every time.

Sighing, I decided it was time to get ready and go to work. The café wasn't too far from my house and honestly, the regulars were very awesome people. Well, some were people anyway. Ghouls were a common sight in this district as this was closer to the outside of the city. In the center of the city was First District which was all human based and it went all the way to the Ninth District of all ghouls. We were the Seventh District, predominately ghouls but some of us humans could be here at our own risk. Every section was blocked off with only four entry points, North, South, East and West; and the closer someone would get to the First District then the more guarded it was.

Eye scanners would be at every entry and handhelds for officers or Hawks because really the only tell-tale sign of a ghoul was in their eyes. Yes, they had harder skin, a higher healing rate, and faster reflexes, but the eye test was the only guaranteed 'fair' way for both humans and ghouls. Something to do with the tear duct and the secretions with a different cellular structure than a human. But in all reality, it was just another way to push ghouls further out of the city and away from the elite. However, if I had my pick of being with the ghouls that would eat my flesh and the elite humans, I'd rather take my chances with the ghouls.

Walking down the street to work, I wished I would have brought my coat. Dreary and cool, it must have rained last night from the puddles that still lingered on the sidewalk and street. Another reason for my nightmares as it always seems to happen that way. My button up top was not that good at retaining heat, nice for inside working with coffee but definitely not for walking in the damp misty air. My pace quickened but the cool air was not the only reason why.

The feeling of being watched was still there and it made my hair stand on end as the bile started building up in my stomach. Skipping breakfast didn't seem like a good idea at first but now it was a blessing. People were passing by me with no sense of worry, but I felt as though I wanted to scream.

My entry to society after my 'break', as I call it, had not been conventional. I had seen so much and with no blood family to fall back on in times of trouble, the ghouls here were the only ones I could rely on anymore. Savannah was truly my saving grace and had it not been for her I'm pretty sure I would have been dead in the gutter.

Coming up to the café, I turned into the alley way to go through the employee entrance. Looking back before I went in, there was no one there but the eyes felt even closer. Shaking off the feeling, I closed the door behind me and put on my apron. It was time to work and I was done worrying about invisible eyes.

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty!" I heard across the entryway to a personal favorite co-worker of mine. Reggie was short and stocky, but that didn't stop him from anything. He took good care of himself, and the lady patrons of this café certainly took notice.

"Nothing sleeping or beautiful about this mess, Reginald," I said shaking my head as he mocked pain and stepped back.

"More like Coffee Fix, I guess. Here I just made myself a cup, I will get you one started before we open up for the day," he said disappearing behind the swinging door.

He always did make the best coffee, which was why I took the orders and he made the coffee. Assembling my pens and order taking book, I met him out into the bar area where he was hard at work crafting my perfect cup of coffee. Honestly, I didn't even know what he did to it beyond the French press. Magic, sorcery, tarot cards, whatever it was I was willing to let it roll.

"Have I ever told you that you're a life saver at this ungodly hour," I asked as a smile finally shown on my face.

"I told you I'd do anything for that smile, and here I am making dreams come true just with coffee. I'd say you're giving it away for cheap, but then I realize I am the master coffee maker and I'm the one getting an amazing deal out of this," he said shrugging as he looked at me through the mirror's reflection on the wall behind the coffee bar area.

Rolling my eyes, I went to stock up the tables as he finished my cup of coffee. At Café Rouge, we always kept busy. Ghouls and humans came here although most humans didn't even suspect a thing. The owner was someone I looked up to very much and he would be down any moment. He lived upstairs along with offering housing to those in need. 'He' was one such person who took up the offer at one point.

Hearing the ceramic against the wooden counter top, I perked my head up and meandered my way back. Five more minutes until open time and this coffee could not have come sooner. Taking the mug gingerly in my hands, as the treasure it was, I let it slowly tip into my mouth as I sipped away a little piece of heaven. I lived for this moment some days.

"I don't even want to know if how you make it so perfect is actually something really gross," I said as he snorted a surprise laugh.

"Do you really think Alphonse would let me? Sometimes I wonder about you," he retorted snipingly as he grumbled under his breath. "Gross, my ass."

I laughed as I finished my cup and we continued opening for the day. This was a small piece of paradise in a life that was a whirlwind outside. I could never find the words to tell Reggie that, and I knew I probably never would. As the first customer rang the bell as the door opened, I turned around with my best smile.

"Hello, welcome to Café Rouge! My name is Maya and I'll be happy to take your order."

"Just black." The voice was gruff and unentertained. He sat at the bar and I shrugged so only Reggie could see. Looking at him though, I felt sick to my stomach. Just like my dream. He looked just like the man in my dream. Like Rai.

"Hey Kyler! I thought you were out of the District these days."

My mind came back to the present as I heard Reggie talk to him. Shaking my head, I knew it couldn't possibly be him. However, I could still feel the pressure on my throat. My body shook as it remembered the nightmare, the strength of that hand around my neck choking the life from me. Why did I have this fear? His aura felt daunting and yet there seemed to be something much more complicated for that. My gut told me to run, but my curiosity told me to stay.

"Hey, Maya, could you grab some more filters from the back. I must have spaced. I'll grab the order if someone comes in. Kyler is an old friend of mine from high school, so he can wait for real customers."

His jab at his friend earned him a set of cold eyes that rolled as the coffee was being hand poured over the grounds.

"Right."

Trying to be optimistic, I let my breathing settle down as I grabbed the filters and headed back. His friend was gone and Reggie had a strange look on his face. Lost in thought.

"You okay?" I asked setting the box down on the counter.

"Yeah, just weird seeing him here today. I know his work keeps him busy so I just worry if something bad happened."

We left it at that as he changed the subject to what he was doing later on until more customers walked in. I just couldn't shake that something was wrong. Sadly, that feeling was usually right.