the night

Me and Andre are living together for almost 6 months. Our day to day is monotonous. I'm still not in love with him. This is not the relationship I like. He is not the one for me, though he respect my opinions and he listens to me sincerely plus he indeed tried so hard to stay away from the other women he got involved with from the past but still feel no love towards him. This is so boring, I want to be out of this cycle. All this thoughts, I can only tell Jerry about them. He supported me this time around. He agreed I should be in a relationship without love. I should not force myself to like someone. I'm gathering my courage to finally tell Andre. Maybe I can tell him to night. I called him on the phone so he will surely go home by dinner. He agreed to talk over dinner.

"Wow you prepared a good meal, I'm surprised!" Andre is in good mood, he even played a good music before we started eating.

"I have something to tell you, so I also prepared something to eat while I was waiting earlier." My eyes are on him studying how will I break the news to him.

"I love it, the meat is way softer from your previous output. I'm happy with your improvement." Andre complimented my cooking.

"Really, thanks then." I responded shortly.

"What are you going to tell me by the way?" He curiously asked he looks excited to be exact.

" I will tell you after you finish your meal." I'm still scared how will he react about this but I can't stay in this relationship any longer. The time came, but still I can't find the exact words to state what I really feel.

" So tell me about it." I'm still hesitant so he grabbed my hands and drag me to a spacious part of the kitchen to dance along with the music. He changed the light dimmer he is creating a romantic mood but my head is running away on different direction. " I never imagined I can be with my dream girl, my everyday with you is heaven. He wisphered those words close to my ears then kiss me on my head. He looked at me deeply looking for an answer. I gaze at him back just to go along with him for the moment. He smiled and kissed me softly before he kneeled down with teary eyes. He brought out a ring inside a small box then pop up the question. " I know we haven't been for a year but i don't want to let you go anymore Tara. I found the peace in my heart with you. So please stay with me forever. Tara, will you marry me?" I was so shòcked with his proposal I didn't expect to her this from him now. I can't help my eyes, my tears started dripping without my control. I'm speechless with his proposal. He looks so sincere, I know he meant what he said. This guy loves me but I don't feel the same way. I can't stay with him just because I'm scared to be alone. I have to be true to myself. Andre stood up to put the diamond ring on my hand. It is beautiful, it suits my finger perfectly. I looked at him and try to muster my courage. "Andre I can't. You are a nice guy! I am really honored to be with you for a short period of time but I can't marry you." I answered him. His usual sweet face can't believe with my answer. "But why. We are doing so well. I can't believe this Tara please. You don't have to answer now. I want you to think about this more. Please... Don't decide right away. Maybe I pop this question too early. I don't want to rush you. Take your time..." I hugged him for I feel sorry for him. " Andre, I can't marry you because I don't love you. I tried, but I really can't. You can still find the girl that you deserve, the girl that will love you back 100 percent. That's not me. I'm sorry!!!" He face turned cold. He can't believe how this conversation turned into. " I think I need air." He said while preparing himself to get out of the house. I didn't stop him. It would be better for both of us to think this through separately I guess. I stayed at the dim litted kitchen for a long time thinking what just happened.