The Peculiar Kiss

The Sanctuary

The night grew deeper as I unconsciously got comfortable with the guy's presence. It was though, unusual and rare. I know myself for being distant, rude and sometimes awkward towards someone, yet here am I. Talking nonsense infront of a newly seen faced guy.

I sighed heavily as I remembered Zarviel. I know she was trying to be nice, I know she wanted to know me, but I can't just destroy the walls I've built all these years. I can't just put myself into being dependent, or being attach to someone's presence. I can't just instantly accept everyone and lower my walls. Because, based from experience, it's damn hard to accept that someone left you despite the tragic past a person been through. I'm afraid to grow on depending on them, on their presence. Those constant doubts and fear of having someone just to be left with emptiness, it always terrifies me.

"Aren't you going back to your room?" The guy implied with his deep baritone voice.

"What do you think of me?" My tongue suddenly rolled out words for me.

"Uh--- you're a beauty?" He said, like he was unsure of his respond. Wew!

"You're annoying. I'm asking you, what do you think of me?" I uttered again, now a bit irritated.

"Well, physically, You're beautiful---" I instantly cutted him off with sharp eyes as I implied my words.

"Will you stop saying that meaningless words of yours? Beautiful, my ass!" I scoffed. " Stop hitting me by your flowery words, its no use." I added, annoyed. He chuckled, like he was pleased to have a long response from me.

"Well, You're cold yet soft. You're still a beauty---" I looked at him with daggers and he just lifted both of his hands in the air. I rolled my eyes at him. "... inside. Let me finish my sentence first." He implied and chuckled again. Dang! I know he's doing it on purpose!

"How annoying." I responded. He chuckled again as he stood up. He gave me his hand that made me look up to him confusingly. He motioned me his hand to accept through moving his gaze from me then to his hand, and also by making his head move sideways.

"I'll help you out." He said when I looked up to him confusingly.

"I can help myself, can't you see?" I impled as I help myself to stood up. He did put down his hand and shrugged as he placed himself at the side to give space to exit myself.

"What an attitude. " He remarked as he walked besides me. I blew out an air from my nose, I almost scowled at him, when suddenly a realization hit me.

"Where the hell are you going?" I confusely uttered. He looked at me confusingly, too.

"Walking you to your dorm, I guess?" He sarcastically replied.

"You know what? I can't distinguish if you like to be my friend or, you like me---"

"Of course, I do." He cutted me off with my words. Then again, I looked up to him confusingly. My brows knitted as my forehead creased too.

"Huh?" I intejected with dazed face.

"Huh?" He uttered too, both conflicted and confused by his own thoughts. His face was then mirroring my dumbfounded face.

"Are you making fun of me?" I stated, a little bit annoyed.

"What? I am not." He defensively replied as he was making gestures by his hands, telling no, he wasn't.

"Whatever, Mr. Transferee." I said and started walking. He instantly caught up with me by his long pair of legs. He then chuckled by himself and then walked beside me silently.

We were at our way towards my dorm when suddenly, my body halted. I could feel my palm getting wet as it turns cold. I shivered down to my spine as an unfamiliar memory flashed inside my mind, vividly. I could feel my heart beat fasten it's pace with the sudden pang inside my chest as memories came gushing. In my mind, I couldn't think of it as my childhood memory, nor a memory from years ago but how come, my heart could feel every pain from a single drop of tear? How come it could made me bleed , a vivid scene yet puzzled.

"Hey, Are you okay?" I could feel the newly-transfered guy shook my shoulder, but I couldn't feel my body responding.

"I love you but not that much. I can embrace you but not that tight. I can be with you, but not every time. I like you but... I love her much." And, as that guy with silhouetted face uttered, I suddenly heard my heart cracking, and felt that it then slowly bleeding from a wound that was then covered with wound tissues. I could feel those million pieces of needles piercing inside my chest. The pang that crawls, like a bitter vines creeping my whole fiber.

"I'll settle with everything you can give. B-but, please. Never remind me of how pathetic am I to beg for your wasted pieces from her. Never remind me of as low as I am right now. And, never remind me of being the second one, while in fact, I was infront of your eyes. Never remind me of how loser am I tonight." The girl's voice replied, softly and shaking. Within her voice are very evident emotions of pain, anger, and agony that was kept for a long time inside her.

I heard the guy sighed... in a melancholic way. Like, he was feeling the damn thorns clasping around his heart.

I could feel the heavy and intense emotions in between them, but... every words from that unfaced guy were like daggers stabbed directly at my chest! Damn it! Why would I supposed to feel the woman's pain!? I don't know her but why does it felt like were one!? That her pain was once mine? Like her tears both came from my eyes? When her pain was once I owned. Like were one but with different timeline.

"Hey, are you okay?" The guy uttered, panickly. In a snapped, I just found myself walking backwards from him. His eyes turned dark brooding when his orbs were like melancholic ocean. "What's happening?" He said again, now with both confused and agonized face. And, as I looked directly at his eyes, I could feel his pain as he was looking at me taking steps backwards from him.

"You are enough, Shivana. You really are. It's just that, it's not me whom who deserve you... because deep inside me, I desired for more. I don't just wanted someone who's enough for me. I need more to fill my greedy self, Shivana. And having you could be both our downfall." I heard his voice again, now was then too gentle opposing his words. And, at the side of her cheek, another tear had dropped. Does this woman deserve this man's hurtful words? Or, does this man deserve this woman?

"Stop. Stop taking steps towards me, Caelu. I know I am enough, but with you... I felt like I am too less! Almost close to being worthless! I know it's not me but... why do you keep me, why you wanted me, and why you always leave me hanging with your sudden decisions? I know, I am not her, but please. Spare me from your madness." She replied then again, softly. Like, she was slowly draining herself. Like, she was a candle slowly consuming herself just to give someone a light. Like, she was too tired with everything... and with everyone.

"Shivana..." he uttered yet left his words hanging.

"I wasn't born to beg, yet once in my life, I once did... thinking that 'maybe' you could see me as me. But, it turned out, It almost drown me. I wanted you so much, Caelu. I wanted you so much that I ended up trying to be her. I wanted you so much... that I had forgot what it feels to be happy by myself. My love for you is too intense, and strong, that it made my whole being devastated after knowing the reasons why I am with you. And almost destroyed me when all of those were insanely true!"

"What are you doing, Alice?" The guy uttered. Slowly steeping forward. My body instantly responded to his move. I just found myself, shaking my head at him.

"D-don't come near me, please. " I said in a hoarsed voice.

"W-why? What's happening?"

"I-I don't know! Memories! Memories are now flashing inside my head! Damn! I can't stop it! It hurts!" I mindlessly uttered. I could feel myself screaming as those memories really tormented me, mentally and emotionally!

"W-why? What are you seeing, Alice?" He replied, almost panicking. He would step forward then hoes backward as he saw me shaking my head. I could feel my shoulders shaking. For some reasons, I felt my cheeks being damp with hot liquids from my eyes.

"A g-guy, and a w-woman. I-I don't know b-but... it hurts." I said as I grip both of my hands at my hair, pulling a handful stands. He looked at me with panick and worriedness in his eyes.

"W-where?! Tell me where, Alice!?" He replied, raising his tone at me as he looked frustrated and conflicted whether to come near me or not.

As I was looking at his beautiful mezmering eyes, I could feel something was taken away from me. It was an intense and heavy feeling that he snatched away from me. He was all over serious as he looked at me gently, while seizing the deepest from my soul. As my whole body moved, I did just found myself pointing where does I felt hurt.

"Here..." I uttered while pointing my chest, still gazing at his beautiful eyes.

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princesayannahh