Chapter 19

Fang Sanctuary

And, just like a blink of an eye, I just lost everything right before I could grasp it fully. My life... it may not be beautiful and admirable but I came to realize how much does it worth.

Life, itself probably despise me to its core. The life that I was living then wasn't ideal but I never ask and wish for it to be taken away.

My tears were at the very edge of my eyes, as I picked up someof my clothes that was thrown outside the dorm. I tried not to unleash those traitor tears yet everytime, I got reminded of what did happened a while ago, it just drop off.

With a heavy heart, I put my clothes inside of my back. And, from then, I was thoughtless. I did just stare at the door, while memory flashes vividly inside my head.

I wanted to scream.

I wanted to unhear everything.

I wanted to forget what happened.

I didn't know how long did I took while staring at the door. I was just pull out from my riverie when someone approached me.

"Common now, Ms. Montegral," I heard one of our supervisors uttered as she stood infront of me. I slowly lifted my gaze, from her feet up to her face. I bit my lower lip, stopping myself from sobbing and tearing infront of her.

"Won't you hate me too?" I replied, instead with a shaking voice. I looked down, afraid to might see her anger or disappointed directly.

She sighed heavily as she sat infront of me. The silence in between us hovered, which terrified me. She was never been this silent. She always console me. I always have her sympathy. And, I get to hear her cheering words, and it worry me that I didn't get to have or hear any of those. It was just certainly silent, and the only sound both of us could her are my sobs and her sighs.

No. I didn't want anything that I've said. I just wanted to disappear from everyone's eye. Their gaze were just too sharp, like a bunch of blades cutting my skin at once.

"Zarviel, I thought you were just bullied, that made me not to doubt your innocence. There are times that you got involve with some fights, and I always saw your opponents as the bully. Not atleast once, I doubted your innocence..." she uttered after a long while of silent. Her voice were laced with nervousness and probably disgust? "... but, now that I've witness it... with bot of my eyes, first hand... I'm starting to doubt if all were my actions for you were reasonable. I began to question myself, if I was being fair... and not just being swayed by your pitiful situation---," she added, and I don't like where would it head to.

"Stop." I said. I was catching my breath, as I felt being suffocated. "You were once my saviour, Ms. Logan, and I can't bear hearing everything that will be coming from you. I'll leave, but please never doubt me with what you have seen. I can still feel myself getting at the very verge of my emotions just like my schoolmates, Ms. Logan. I can still feel pain, and anger. My mien may be emotionless but I wasn't numb. I felt even the smallest pierce. And, if you think you weren't being fair, then just forget that you once favored me, snd that you saved me from another punishmesnt I might experience." I longly added as I stared directly in her eyes. My tear were completely betraying me, as it slide off at my cheeks relentlessly.

It's really true that pang from the inside were more lethal than the actual wounds and cut you might have. Wounds and cut could be heal and treated, unlike the cut from the inside were long-lasting. and, it hurt ten times than the actual wound.

I attempted to wipe off the tears yet it was restless.

"If you think, getting my back was unfair to them, then please, forget about me. I have considered you as my family... but it just hurt me more knowing the only person I consider as a family, is now totally distancing and doubting me. My words right now may sound ungrateful to you, but for the last time... I want you to hear my heart out. I'm sorry for sounding too rude, right now but I just want to tell you that, I'm starting to hate everyone that will side me because of you. Inever asked you to back me up. I never asked you to be good to me. I never asked you not to doubt my innocence. I never asked everything. You gave it with your own will, Ms. Logan. Why are you blaming me for the things that I've never ask from you?" I responded softly, feeling weak and drained.

"No, that's not what I have meant and been meaning to say, Alice." She replied, a bit panicking. I then, shook my head at her, Slowly.

"I thought of you as my older sister, and it pain me a lot hearing those words from your own mouth, Ms. Logan," I stated, as I smiled weakly at her.

I took a deep breath, and then wiped my tears away. I then, smiled at her again. I gave her the smile I've been meaning to gave her since then.

"Maybe, it is the time that I should go away. Maybe, I should stay afar from this place. Memories will just taunt me, and gossips will just burn fiery. I think, this would be the last time we'll met, Ms. Logan. I wish you a good life. Thank you for kindness." I spoke as I was meter away from her. She also stood up, yet she didn't move. She forebears herself from talking at let me spoke.

Even with her doubt, I still feel her love and understanding.

"Goodbye," I added, before finally taking a step forward. I took a deep breath as I embraced my fate.

I know, I wouldn't last here long... but I never expected to be kick out because of someone's act. Her vengeaful act.

Today, As I took steps forwards, I'll be accepting my destiny. I'll embrace it's torns without asking what is the scent of it's petal. I'll be embracing the winter without asking for the spring.

I should stop expecting of the exchange for this misery, because life had already decided to keep me miserable.

How cruel.

I sighed as I shook my head. I'm snapping at my thoughts again. I averted my gaze at the pile of books at my table and began to massage my temple.

Ah. Why is it too many in here? Where should I start?

I bit my lower lip and grip at my hair. Ah! Damn it!

"What is this that am I doing to my life right now?" I uttered frustratingly as I began to select which book should I start reading.

My eyes were hurting but I can't just stop myself. I need to atleast, find a clue.

It's been a year since I left the school. I did mourn for almost three months. I hated myself for not being able to say sorry for Zarviel.

Yet, everytime, I track at the time backwards, all I could feel is the intense pain.

I don't know if it was better that no one sent me off, or upsetting. I have known few friends, and none of them bade their goodbyes at me.

Did I also scare them?

Do they see me as a monster?

I sighed as I snapped at myself. I focused my attention at the book I've got.

There's no use of going back... everything just ended at that point.

I did just cut the ties, so I could finally have peace inside me.

It isn't bad, I guess. Cutting my ties with them, will probably make me feel unsuffocated and free. I guess, and I am still guessing if it is happening right now.

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