Chapter 50

I got ready, put on a pretty dress and some makeup, and stared at myself for a few seconds in front of the dressing room mirror; I was feeling pretty again. I walked down the stairs carefully, stopped a little tired to breathe, then continued. I waited for Nicolas on the sofa in the living room, thinking about something to do; I wanted to do something different tonight, no more staying at home staring at the walls; I don't know, people chattering, cars noises passing by, random music coming out from the stores, and mainly, walking hand in hand with him, my beloved one. It didn't take him long to arrive, handsome as always; I received him with several kisses.

Nicolas: Wow, what have I done to receive such an incredible reception?

Isabella: I think the best boyfriend in the world deserves it

Nicolas: that beautiful, he kissed me affectionately. you look amazing today

Isabella: thank you, my love. Let's go out?

Nicolas: let's go wherever you want to go, my princess

Isabella: I want to walk around town holding your hands, I want to smile without any specific reason, then I want to see the moon as we walk barefoot along the beach

Nicolas: sounds like a plan.

Isabella: I'll let my parents know; just a second

We walked through the city; I looked carefully at everything we passed with ahead free of negativity; we pulled up to the square where we watched a performance by a man who sang beautiful songs. Finally, we went for a walk on the beach; I took a deep breath when I saw the moon, took off my sandals, wishing I could feel the cold sand beneath my feet.

Nicolas: you look fine today he said as we walked along the seaside

Isabella: I'm really feeling good; I'm already feeling strong

Nicolas: that's awesome, my love. Tell me, how was your day

Isabella: Well, I woke up next to a very handsome young man; maybe that made my day better today

Nicolas: you are so cute. He grabbed me in his arms and kissed me

Isabella: the radiotherapy was fine, and it was much faster than the chemotherapy sessions, I had a visit from the girls who broke me some news, I read a little, played the guitar, and now I'm walking on the beach with my favorite person

Nicolas: you are also my favorite person in this whole world; I'm your fan

Isabella: oh yeah?

Nicolas: do you still have doubts about that? He smiled, grabbing me, and we kissed

Isabella: you make my life worth it; the best time of my day is when I'm with you

Nicolas: adorable! I love you, Isabella!

Isabella: I love you, Nicolas!

We sat on the sand and continued chatting; I told him about the trip, which made him very happy, then we admired the moon's beauty, and for a few long minutes, we just looked at each other in love, exchanging cuddles and kisses.

[...]

Marcele: how about going to the mall today to buy some clothes for the trip? My mom suggested as we arrived at the hospital

Isabella: sounds great

Marcele: So, after lunch, we rest for a while, and then we go

Isabella: okay

- Hello Isabella, good morning! Said the girl who attended us last time

Isabella: good morning!

- Good morning to you too; she addressed my mom, who was by my side.

Marcele: good morning!

- Shall we go, Isabella? I've been waiting for you

Isabella: let's go, see you mom, then I followed the girl down the hall

- you already know. The same thing as yesterday, change your outfit and wait for the doctor to call you here, okay? she handed me the clothes and pointed to the bathroom

Isabella: yes, alright

- Isabella Fercondine?

Isabella: it's me

- How are you feeling today dear? he asked as we entered the room

Isabella: I've had better days, doctor, how about you?

- I'm fine, thanks

I lay down on the stretcher and watched the colorful ceiling with some fantastic 3D details while the machine started whirring aiming at me. Today I had woken up under the weather and a little uncomfortable in the abdomen, which eased after taking some pills; I was entertained keeping my mind busy, thinking about the trip when out of sudden, I started coughing continuously, we had to stop the procedure.

- Is everything okay, Isabella?

Isabella: I'm okay, doctor, I replied while I was still coughing, my hand on my chest as I tried to alleviate the pain

- I'll get you some water

Isabella: thank you very much

- we'll continue when you feel better, he said, handing me the water

Isabella: okay

-are these frequent coughs?

Isabella: no, it only started yesterday

- do you feel any chest pain too. or feel short of breath?

Isabella: yes, I do

- your doctor probably doesn't know then?

Isabella: not yet

- If these symptoms of coughing, chest pain, and shortness of breath persist, you need to tell them, okay?

Isabella: okay. We can continue now, doctor

- excellent!

I got pretty contemplative about it, afraid that it was getting worse, it somehow discouraged me, but maybe it's just a side effect, I thought to myself and tried to clear my mind of worries and negative thoughts.

Marcele: wow, today it took a lot longer

Isabella: yes, it did; I decided not to comment about what happened inside so as not to worry her

I confess that I couldn't concentrate on anything for the rest of the afternoon, not even during the shopping that I used to love. I just wanted to go home, lie in bed and pass out for countless hours, but it was three in the afternoon; it was about time to go to chemotherapy.

I spent a lot of time looking for an outfit that would look appropriate on me since I was much thinner and all the clothes were loose; I was super stressed and ended up throwing everything on the floor. I tried to regain control, grabbed the first piece of clothes in front of me, and got dressed; my father was waiting for me to drop me at the hospital again.

Lorenzo: are you alright? he asked, breaking the silence while we were in the elevator towards the oncology ward

Isabella: I'm just a little tired, dad.

Lorenzo: soon we will go home, and you'll get to rest; he gave a side hug and kissed my head

After sitting in the armchair waiting for Douglas to get my medications ready, I stared at the armchair where Geovanna used to sit. Disheartened by her death, I wondered who would be next in that ward to kick the bucket.

Douglas: hey, you're not looking good today, he said as he approached

Isabella: Can you answer me? Why do things get worse instead of getting better?

Douglas: Actually, things tend to get pretty ugly before they get better and become acceptable; it's just up to us to be patient; everything has its beginning and ending

He was right; everything has its time to start and to finish, and what gets down to it is to be patient and give it a break, because nothing changes for the simple fact that we want it to change, this power is not within our reach, infinite things aren't there either, there's no point in crying and kicking, everything will happen on the right time. Knowing that keeps us moving forward, trying to keep the hope of better days; it's the best option for now.

I couldn't wait to get on a plane and come face to face with the heavens, to disperse myself from all this harsh and regrettable reality I've been living along with the people I love the most in this world; I'm counting the minutes.

When the session ended, I said goodbye to Douglas and went to my father at the reception, who was having a coffee; it was already late

Isabella: shall we?

Lorenzo: let's go dear

When I got home, I went straight to my corner, took a shower, got dressed, and lay in bed to rest; it seemed like I had had a very tiring day, a lot of work and physical effort, even though I hadn't done anything of the kind all day, that's how I was feeling.

Marcele: I prepared a snack for you; you haven't eaten anything all day; you need to nourish yourself

Isabella: I don't feel like eating mom; thank you

Marcele: baby, if you don't eat, you'll get worse, you'll get weaker, and maybe you'll probably feel pain; I know you don't want that

Isabella: okay

Marcele: How was the chemotherapy?

Isabella: boring, as always

After lunch, I started those rattling coughs again for long minutes, I felt sudden dizziness, and then I ended up getting nauseous and vomiting everything I had eaten with some blood. It was a little scary to vomit blood; blood is life, and what it feels like to see blood on the floor is like I'm losing some life, and it inevitably made me gloomy, even though I was trying so hard to get well. How to stop a feeling from arising in you? Well, I still didn't know how to do that.