Chapter 52

Marcele: oh right, I got it

Lorenzo: what about you, sweet daughter? You are so quiet, do you have any suggestions?

Isabella: Can we do this another day? I'm not in the mood

Lorenzo: another day? Yes, yes, you can, alright. Another day then!

Isabella: I'm going to my room

Marcele: call me if you need anything

Isabella: okay, thank you

I got undressed as I entered the room; I needed a long shower to cool my head down. I stayed under the water for a long time; after showering, I sat by the window, stared at the view, fumbled with my cell phone, tried to read a little. Still, I couldn't concentrate for a long time; the excerpts couldn't grip my mind as always; it seemed like there was nothing around able to draw my attention; I lay down on the bed, and all I wanted was to stay there quietly without any nuisances, I ended up falling asleep, which was somehow good, when we sleep, we don't feel anything, no torture nor blue thoughts. As I opened my eyes, everything was spinning, a horrible feeling, my body felt heavier, I tried to sit still, but it was even worse, I lay down again, so I kept waiting for it to fade.

Marcele: ah, you're already up, my mother said, smiling as she opened the door. I came here earlier to call you for lunch, but you were sleeping so peacefully that I didn't want to wake you up.

Isabella: I'm not feeling very well mommy, things are whirling around me, and they don't want to stop

Marcele: how come? Do you feel dizzy, is that it?

Isabella: yes, a lot

Marcele: I don't know what I can do to help you, sweet child; it must be some side effect; let's wait a little longer; soon, it will pass

Isabella: I hope so!

Sometime later, the dizziness eased, but some movements still made me dizzy. Since I hadn't had lunch, I had a small meal in bed and waited for hours to pass before going to the hospital for radiotherapy. Meanwhile, we kept chatting, later my dad joined us and watched a super exciting documentary about exotic and bizarre cultures.

Marcele: It's time to get ready for the radio

Lorenzo: so, let's get this over with, he said, holding the door

Isabella: okay, I'll be there with you

Marcele: Is everything okay? No dizziness? Questioned before leaving

Isabella: no, I'm okay

Marcele: great, I'll get ready.

[...]

It was very tedious to lie down for another half an hour facing a colorful ceiling doing absolutely nothing; I ended up imagining a life with all desires fulfilled, making plans, not thinking beyond time, just dreaming, what to lose? It felt so good. I closed my eyes and imagined myself getting married and growing old next to Nicolas. I let some silly smiles escape from my dry lips; it was hard to think about him and not automatically smile; I even imagined children, hilarious moments, and even the delicate ones. At least with imagination, we can go wherever we want, achieve what we wish to, fulfill our deepest dreams.

- You are the only patient who smiles during the session

Isabella: I was thinking about some silly things, I replied

- and they look good, that's great. We're done, you're free, see you tomorrow, Isabella!

Isabella: thank God, I said, and he smiled. See you, tomorrow doctor. As I got off the stretcher and took a few steps, I felt dizzy again and lost my balance, almost falling to the floor, but I felt strong hands holding me

- wow, you almost fell; you'd better sit down a little

Isabella: thanks, I could have been hurt

- You're welcome. Is it getting any better? he asked a few minutes later

Isabella: yes, could this dizziness be a radiotherapy side effect?

- not at all.

Isabella: I thought that it was, anyway, I'm better now

- Do you have any escort waiting for you outside?

Isabella: yes, my parents

- okay, I'll accompany you to them, this dizziness may come back, and it's not good for you to go alone

Isabella: all right, thank you very much doctor

He reached out his arm for me, and I did so, uncomfortable and shy. After a few halls, we arrived at the reception where my parents were waiting.

- safe and sound, Miss Isabella, he said when we stopped in front of my parents, who were surprised and worried by the situation

Lorenzo: Are you feeling sick, daughter?

Marcele: you always come back alone; what happened, doctor?

- it was just the dizziness, but she said she improved; that's why I brought her here to you, so as not to leave her alone as the dizziness could come back

Lorenzo: thank you very much he said with a handshake

Marcele: could you tell me your name again?

- Rodrigo Santore, I'm the Radio-oncologist doctor

Marcele: thank you for taking care of our daughter

Dr. Rodrigo: my pleasure, now if you excuse me, I'll go back to work

Lorenzo: make yourself comfortable

Dr. Rodrigo: see you guys.

On the way to the hospital, with my head against the window, I asked God to take away all the fear and discomfort; that morning, my heart was racing for no apparent reason, even with all the attempts I couldn't calm it down, it must have been anxiety.

- Hello, good morning, follow me please, said the nurse, taking us to a room. You can wait here referring to my parents. Isabella, change your clothes to this one; the bathroom is right there. She handed me a garment and left soon after

Lorenzo: do you want some water? questioned, breaking the silence

Isabella: no, daddy, thank you

Marcelle: I do; I'm thirsty

Dr. Sebastian: hello, good morning, how are you all? He greeted us with a light handshake; the same nurse accompanied him

"Lorenzo: good morning, Dr. we are fine

Dr. Sebastian: are you ready?

with a fake smile, I said yes

Dr. Sebastian: Shall we go then?

Isabella: yes, I kissed my parents, and we went to the room where the little surgery would be performed to place the catheter

- Hi, are you okay?

Isabella: yes, I'm fine

- Great, my name is Antônio; I'm a vascular surgeon, you don't need to be scared or nervous, you're going to sleep, and you won't feel or see anything, okay? He said while preparing me with other people in the room. It will be quick; stretch your arm a little

Dr. Sebastian: Isa, now you're going to take a deep breath and count as much as you can, he said after putting a nasal catheter in my nose.

As I counted, I felt more and more sleepy, and I didn't remember anything else until I woke up in the bedroom listening to my parents talking to the doctors after that minor surgery.

Dr. Antônio: ah, she's waking up, so girl, didn't I say it would be quick? How do you feel?

Isabella: well

Dr. Antonio: wonderful!

Dr. Sebastian: Whenever you can get up and feel better, you can go home. The nurse will give you some care procedures, we'll see you soon.

When we got home, I stared at the mirror looking at the catheter, but it was impossible not to notice the radical changes in my appearance, and I didn't have the self-esteem to look at myself for a long time, so I left the bathroom to the bedroom, walked to the shower and I took a quick shower, put on the first outfit I saw in the closet and lay down

Marcelle: I asked Luiza to make a smoothie for you; she sat beside the bed, caressing me

Isabella: thank you

Marcele: what do you prefer to do tomorrow? CT, MRI, or blood tests?

Isabella: if I could, I wouldn't choose any of the options, I said, chuckling. I don't know; I didn't think about it. I would go with any of them

Marcele: I think it would be good to leave the most complex ones for the end and do the blood tests tomorrow because some results take days

Isabella: you're right, let's do it like this then

We talked about random stuff for a while; I drank the smoothie and waited for lunch. In the afternoon after the radiotherapy, I had a wonderful visit from the gang; Rafaela, Paula, and Lucas popped up at the door; we had popcorn in the living room while they updated me with some news; I had already forgotten how good it is to be among friends, God still allows me to have many moments after all.

Isabella: so, my sister, what about Paola's case? Have you had any news?

Paula: yes, with the testimony of the guy who appeared, they managed to make an audio portrait of the criminals, but they only found one, they killed another girl by mistake, it seems that someone killed a girl who was very similar to my sister, but they ended up catching the wrong person. Still, they didn't find out where the body was. The guy they imprisoned didn't participate at the moment and didn't help much in this part

Isabella: Wow, this looks like a movie scene

Paula: yes, a terror one. I actually should have told you this over a week ago, but after we got hit by the news, our house fell into chaos again; I wasn't able to talk about it. Actually, I don't think I ever will be. She was wronged, they must have hurt her, and God knows what else they did, she said with a broken voice trying to control her emotion, but her shiny eyes gave her away.

Rafaela: hey, calm down

Isabella: please, let's not talk about it anymore, come here. I hugged her with my weak arms, and Rafaela also joined us in our sisterhood hug while Lucas was speechless in front of us. Apparently, he didn't know about such news either.

Paula: It's excruciating, even more, seeing my parents in that state and not being able to comfort them; only God can ease this pain they are feeling

Lucas: I'm sorry about all of this. Don't cry, think about something else, anything else

Isabella: I shouldn't have asked about it; I'm sorry

Paula: It's okay, it's not your fault after all. I'll be fine; she faked a smile for a few seconds wiping her face

Lucas: yes, you will, and your parents too. He held her hand in a light squeeze

[...]