9 Drinking it off

James clenched his fist around the spoon he was holding and it snapped. Soon he was going to snap. He knew she could speak so why wouldn't she?

Malcolm's words came back to him, "She has a fear of speaking…"

He shook his head and groaned. Of all the people to be mated with, he got the most damaged.

That night he lay asleep, his mind in a memory. Not a distant one but one that he was very familiar with.

The snow covered mountaintop he was on was dyed red with blood. He quickly turned and pinned a bear Shapeshifter to the ground, nipping at his throat till it finally bled out.

He all of a sudden felt a gut wrenching pain in his chest. He turned around and saw the blonde wolf, her intestines spilling out on the snow. He ran to her side, his breath and words escaping him.

-James.- She gasped in his mind.

-Lilla, I'm here, I'm here. I'll go find a healer.- He said hurriedly.

-No, James. It's too late.- Her eyes rolled back and he listened as her heart stopped.

He couldn't think straight anymore, His mind shut down and his wolf's instincts took over. He began to mercilessly destroy all of the Shapeshifters, slashing and biting every one of them he could reach. His claws and teeth thirsting for the taste of their blood. His bloodshot eyes reflected in the fear-stricken eyes of his victims. The entire mountain face was covered in thick blanket of Shapeshifters' blood.

He woke up when he saw himself nearly going feral. He sat panting on the bed and looked up when he heard a gasp.

"What are you doing here?" He asked harshly. He felt vulnerable at the possibility of her having seen him.

Her eyes were wide and she was hugging the wall as though it could protect her.

"I asked what you're doing here." He said standing.

Her mouth parted and she backed away, out of the room. She tripped on her own feet and fell back, her mouth letting out a shriek of pain.

He sighed and rubbed his eye, "What now?" He walked to the doorway.

He stopped in his groaning when he heard her muttering to herself, "It's not real, it's not real, it's not real, it's not real…"

"What's not real?" He asked, very confused by her behaviour.

She began to crawl away and he'd had enough. With two steps he arrived at her location and hauled her over his shoulder. Her breathing increased and he realized she was hyperventilating. He rolled his eyes, "I'm not gonna kill you."

She began to mutter nonsense and by the time he got to her room she was acting like a lunatic. He searched through the black bag on her nightstand and found a bottle of her sleeping pills.

When he looked back at the bed he saw that she was trying to crawl off of it. He rolled his eyes and moved to grab her ankle, "Come on." He groaned, annoyed.

When he touched her small ankle she yelped and tensed. Heaving a sigh he grabbed her other ankle and she made no objection, other than the obvious fear in her eyes. He was used to being feared so it hardly bothered him.

He handed her the pills and—if it was possible—her eyes widened further. He looked at her unimpressed and shoved them in her face. She flinched and tried to melt into the wooden headboard.

He left them on the nightstand and walked out of the room.

When morning came he found that she was still in her room. After making a bland batch of oatmeal he sat in the living room, watching the morning news.

His eyes glanced away from the TV when her door opened and she peeked out. She walked just fine, he noted. Once she'd sat down with a bowl of dry cereal he asked, "Why did you come to my room last night."

To his surprise, instead of ignoring him her brow actually creased. Her dark eyes remained fixed on a spot on the carpet. Her eyes widened, almost unnoticeably, and her hand reached for her phone.

A few seconds after the phone began ringing. He got up and answered, he was greeted by Gloria's voice, "James, I heard that Brooke blacked out last night. It's completely normal and it just means that she had a flashback. When that happens try to reach out to her and help her to come back to reality."

James blinked and rubbed his temple, that was… too much information.

"Okay." He replied and hung up. He turned to the human, "You had a flashback last night?" He asked.

She nodded absentmindedly with a vacant look. Seemed like she was never really at home.

He grabbed the key card and walked out the door. He would spend some time around humans who could speak. The silence was driving him insane.

He took the elevator and followed the scents and sounds of laughter and hushed voices. He stalked into the bar, his shoulders hunched and a few people's gazes still watched him.

He sighed when he arrived at the bar. Ordering scotch on the rocks he told the bartender to leave the bottle.

He sat in the corner, his ears tuned into the many conversations. Humans were truly petty creatures; who cares if Wanda cheated on Carl? Mind your own damn business.

After finishing the bottle and still not feeling the alcohol's numbing effects he ordered a second one. He walked back to his booth and slumped in the seat, chugging the scotch. He rested his head against the top of the leather booth.

His mind drifted, searching for something to think on. All he could think of was Lilla. He went through their life together, meeting in the rain, their first mating, their first battle, her healing him then them making love beneath the trees. It had all been so perfect. Those fucking Shapeshifters; they were a useless race who served no one but themselves. No sense of loyalty, of honour, not even of family.

He rose to his feet, his vision only slightly skewed. He had to go upstairs. He took the bottle with him and assured the bartender that he would pay for both of them in the morning.

The shorter man frowned but let the tipsy James go.

His feet wandered to the elevator and he managed to press his floor number, even though it tried to dance away from him. Stumbling out he picked up the human's scent. Nothing like Lilla's sweet and gentle scent. His eyes stung with bitter, remorseful tears.