12 Panic Attack

I woke up to a pounding in my head. I shifted and felt something like a strap pressing against my chest. I bolted awake and tried to wrestle out of the restraints.

'I couldn't be here again, not again.' I thought frantically.

"Stop it! Stop it!" A deep voice bellowed next to me, "It's just a seat belt."

I stopped struggling and took notice of my surroundings for the first time. Fighting memories that attempted to surface I recalled passing out.

'Why had I?' I questioned. 'What had triggered me?'

I was now in a car, it was overly clean so I believed it to be a rental. With slow and tired eyes I surveyed the dashboard and my seat. I turned in my chair, the seatbelt digging into my side. My hands found a plush blanket that I knew had been left for me.

I tucked myself in and watched the passing scenery of the highway. Trees… snow… trees.

The car itself was filled with the compromised arts of The Beatles, Elvis, The Rolling Stones and The Tragically Hip.

It was almost soothing.

James soon turned off onto a side road and we found ourselves in the quaint town of Horsefly. I pondered that, I'd never heard of a town called Horsefly, then again BC was a large province.

We drove through the "streets" of the community. It was definitely off the grid as far as towns went.

After a half an hour we arrived at a remote campground. I recognized the canvas tents that the Pack was accustomed to use. My eyes also spotted other such evidence that Lycans were in the area.

Me and James both exited the vehicle and he walked towards one of the tents. I followed after, my steps slow and thoughtful. I had no idea why we were here but I'm sure Thresh had a plan for placing us both here.

The atmosphere was dark as it was winter and evening. I carefully placed my feet along the ground wary not to trip.

James walked through the door and I stood a step behind him, my sight was blocked by his very broad back.

"Gamma, we weren't expecting you so early." A familiar voice said. I peered out from behind James and everyone's eyes flicked to me. The voice had been Luke's; Raph's second in command.

The tent was filled with Lycans, some of which were strategists, Raph's people. I looked at each of their faces and met their eyes, some hostile, some not. The few that were there recognized me, of course they would, how could they forget their Beta's and head strategist's mate.

"Alpha told me that there was a situation here. An Elf sighting?" James asked.

Luke nodded his head as he removed his gaze from me, "Yes, a scout team from Fern Pack spotted one near the river. It was alone, and they couldn't scent any Shapeshifters."

'There could be Pixies blocking the scent.' I said silently.

"Were there any Pixies spotted?" James questioned and I couldn't help but be taken aback at his knowledge. I supposed that he was a head and he'd probably been in the battle back in March, "They can mask scents." He finished.

I stared at him for a few moments.

"No, we haven't seen any. Do you think there might be some here?" Another strategist asked, his black hair looked familiar as did his hetrochromia eyes. One was blue the other was gold. Yes… he was one of the Lycans that had taken Mark's body someplace safe last March.

I sighed at remembering that horrific day. The scent of rotting flesh came back to me and my hand flew to cover my nose. A few of the strategists eyes shifted to me once more and I just stared numbly back.

"Possibly." James answered and he then began to order teams to be made, and precautions to be taken. I noted that he was a competent Gamma.

When he was done we ate some dinner, burgers and hot dogs cooked over a fire. My stomach was not overly happy with me. We climbed into the car and drove back to the highway.

I turned up the heat so it was twenty-five degrees and huddled in my soft blanket. I was still cold but at least I wasn't freezing to death. My eyes flashed to a metal room and bitter cold, Thresh's black wolf trying to keep me alive while my lungs froze on the air I breathed.

I let out a shaky breath and reached for my necklace. It was still there. The opal charm glinting from the headlights. I stared at it for what felt like hours, waiting for something to happen; for my heart to warm or break. Nothing changed in me though, I remained the same.

"Why were all of those strategists staring at you for?" James asked.

I snorted dryly, 'I'm their dead Beta's mate. Their dead head strategist's mate, why do you think they were staring at me?' I thought in response, but I instead replied, "Why do you think they were?"

He scoffed as he turned a corner, "Why the hell do you think I'm asking? Why were they watching you?"

I looked at him silently. Was he jealous? Jealous that the dead Beta's mate got more attention than the new Gamma did? I internally rolled my eyes, how… I couldn't find the word to describe it. Insecure? I shook my head to stop the rabbit trail. What had he asked again?

"I don't know." I answered recalling his question.

"Yes, you do. I can tell." He muttered. I narrowed my eyes, how could he tell? I keep my emotions as hidden as possible, I started to feel hysteria rising in me. If I don't then everyone will know what I'm thinking, no one can know what I'm thinking. Can't let anyone know, if I do then no one's safe.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" James asked and I realized that I'd been clutching my necklace and in the beginning stages of hyperventilation. I tried to calm myself, no one knew, El-kor's dead.

My thoughts froze and millions of images flooded my mind; knifes, needles, poison, blood, screams, so many screams, some mine but some not. My hair strewn on the floor, my hands clawing at my face as the spiders bored into my eyes. Blood, blood, blood.

I felt hands on my arms and I realized that the car had pulled over to the side of the road. James was shaking me, jolting me out of my flashback, "Stop it, wake up already." He snapped.

I whimpered, still gasping for air as I crept past him and out of the car. The line of trees was lit by the headlights, their shadows looking haunting in the night.

I collapsed on my hands and knees helplessly trying to catch my breath. My voice was a shrill whisper as my fingers dug into the cold snow.

'Find a centre… find an anchor… anything…' I said trying to calm my mad thoughts, 'Necklace. Necklace usually works.' I thought in answer and my shaking hand reached for it and clung to it for life.

When my thoughts had refocused back to some state of sanity I sat down and faced the car and James. I felt a dripping and cold feeling from my nose and raised my hand. My nose was bleeding. 'Well, isn't that great?' I thought with no humour as I stared at the blood on my hands. I continued to feel blood drip from my nose.

I quickly snapped my attention away from the blood, that would lead to spiralling. We don't need spiralling right now.

I stood and walked carefully back to the car, I walked past James without sparing him a glance. The door slammed as soon as I sat.

'Oh, I'm so sorry for the inconvenient panic attack.' I replied sarcastically.

When he sat back down and started the engine he asked once more, "So, you really don't know why they were staring at you?"

I shook my head, 'You really wanna know? It's because those Lycans are part of a select group. They are some of the only people who know that I'm part Elf.'