A GUILTY CONSCIENCE FOREVER REMAINS

"Do you still feel that life is not worth living?"

Dr. Chintha asked YJ after she lent her ear to his story.

"I have so much to live for. My mom. I can't imagine how she will end up if I'm gone. It took me some time to realize that. I was too quick. It was too hard for me at that time, but now I know if I waited for some time I might find that I am more able to cope in a few days. In the end, that girl was the one who got into trouble." YJ opened up to his doctor.

"So what will you do?"

"I'm still on the fence. I can't let others get hurt because of me." YJ looked dejected.

"You can't run away. A guilty conscience forever remains. If you don't do that right now, you will regret it for the rest of your life. We make mistakes, but we should make right what is wrong. You know what, all the lies people tell just to cover up the truth that reveals itself in the end. You still have got your chance to get over this mess. I'm counting on you." The doctor advised.

YJ let out a heavy breath then, grasping the pen after narrowing his eyes at a blank sheet for a couple of minutes.

IT HAS BEEN MORE THAN TEN YEARS. WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR SUCH A LONG TIME, OVERCOMING ALL OBSTACLES AND BLISSING OUT OTHERS' WINNINGS. I HAD NEVER THOUGHT THAT I WOULD WRITE A LETTER LIKE THIS SOME DAY.

FOR THE PAST YEARS, YOU ALL HAVE BEEN MY SHADOW, ENCOURAGING ME WHEN I FELT A LACK OF SELF CONFIDENCE. YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT GUIDED ME TO THE PRESENT WHAT I HAVE BECOME TODAY.

I AM WRITING THIS LETTER TO EXPRESS MY REGRET FOR NOT BEING TRUTHFUL AS A FAMOUS PERSONALITY. EVEN THOUGH IT IS TOO LATE THIS TIME I WISH TO COME CLEAN ABOUT MY MISCONDUCT.

SINCE LAST YEAR I HAVE STRUGGLED WITH MY MENTAL HEALTH. EVERY DAY SEEMED LIKE A BATTLE. LAST MONTH IT WORSENED.

IT CROSSED MY MIND EVERY TIME THAT THE WORLD WOULD BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT ME.

THEN I MET THAT PERSON. SHE WAS THERE TO SAVE ME FROM ENDANGERING HERSELF. IT WAS UNINTENTIONAL THAT THE NEWS TURNED OUT THAT WAY MISLEADING EVERYONE. I WAS NOT BRAVE ENOUGH TO ADMIT GUILT BACK THEN.

 AS I FEEL I NO LONGER DESERVE TO HAVE YOUR AFFECTION AND SUPPORT, I WOULD LIKE TO INFORM YOU ALL THAT I HAVE MADE MY MIND TO RETIRE FROM THE INDUSTRY.

I WILL FOREVER BE GRATEFUL FOR EVERYTHING YOU HAVE DONE FOR ME. PLEASE ACCEPT MY APOLOGY FOR NOT BECOMING SOMEONE YOU FEEL PROUD OF.

YJ ended the letter with his signature.

"Where are you? Why didn't you pick up your phone soon?" It was Sam.

"I'm home. I'll be there soon." YJ replied.

"So, did you see her?" Sam asked YJ.

"No, I didn't. I just stopped by home. I'm coming now." YJ hung up the phone.

"Ouch!"

"Oh God! Tell me what happened." Sasha's mother yelled as she looked over the scratches on her daughter's face.

"It's nothing mom. I just got in a fight." Sasha grinned like a Cheshire cat to pretend she is doing alright.

"You got in a fight? Where? At your workplace? Are you being bullied or something?" Sasha's mother asked her with a shaky voice.

"Me? Mom, don't hold your breath."

"Wait, this is not what you were wearing? I'd never seen this blouse before. Tell me what happened. You just started working there. Don't lie. What happened?" Mother continued asking.

"I got changed. Mom, I'm dead tired." Sasha hastened to her bedroom.

WHAT! HE HAS GONE CRAZY!

Sasha was screaming while she was staring at her phone's screen.

The news about YJ's expression of regret had spread out like a wildfire across the internet.

"Mom, I gotta go. I'll be back soon." Sasha passed from the sight before her mother could ask anything.

"Why did you do that? Shouldn't we talk over beforehand?" Leela tried her best to sound calm.

"Even if we did that, I would not change my mind. I'm really sorry. If it was not today, I don't know when I would do that." YJ replied to her.

"I'm sure you gonna regret it soon dear. I know how hard you worked all these years. Finally, you are at your peak. Now it's all gone." Leela broke into tears.

"I will see you tomorrow." YJ told her.

"No. You don't have to. Don't answer any call. I will manage. You stay with your mother."

YJ turned off his mobile phone after Leela's call.

YJ opened the door as he heard the doorbell rang. He could not believe his eyes when he saw Sasha in Infront of him.

"You?" YJ was baffled.

"You have lost your mind." Sasha yelled.

"How do you know where I live? Wait! You remember everything." YJ's eyes got wide.

"Why did you do that?"

"See! How can I just sit back and watch you get hurt?" YJ's eyes got moist as he held back his tears.

"I'm doing alright. This is not how we agreed last time. I promised you. Remember?" Sasha said, pursing her lips.

"Why did you lie?" YJ asked.

"How come you did not visit me again?" YJ remained silent when Sasha asked him.

"Come in." YJ welcomed Sasha into his house.

Sasha let her fingers skim across the Collection of awards placed in the living area. Then she stopped by for the award for the best new actor of the year.

YJ could remember the day he had that award. He was feeling nervous. He wanted to win that award so bad, because he knew he could win it for once in his lifetime, unlike other awards.

"You could have gone much further. Now all your efforts are in vain. So what are you going to do now? Have you found something you are interested in?" Sasha looked unhappy.

"I Don't know. First of all, I have to take a high school exam. I dropped out of high school. I will have to start from zero." YJ replied.

"Things will get complicated even more. So you've got to pull yourself together. Don't suffer alone. I'm all ears. I missed you almost every time. I was thinking about what you were doing all the time. I can't imagine a day knowing that you will not exist anymore. It's alright since I know you're living your life somewhere, somehow. So cry your eyes out when you have to cry. Laugh hard when you have to laugh. Just live in the present. Am I asking too much?" Sasha said.

YJ could not hide his tears as Sasha looked into his eyes.

"What are you looking at?" YJ asked Sasha when she was staring into space.

"Just checking if someone is there."

"Who is in there? Do you see someone is there?" YJ looked frightened.

"Yeah, I used to. Not anymore. Because I'm no longer a ghost." Sasha chuckled at the astonishment on YJ's face.

WHEN EVERYTHING IN YOUR LIFE DOES NOT GO YOUR WAY DON'T EVER MAKE A HARSH CHOICE. HOW CAN YOU BE EVER SURE AT LEAST THAT WILL HAPPEN THE WAY YOU WANT.