Chapter 7 Big Cat Day

I have it all planned out:

1. Shave off some hair towards the front and back of my head

2. Dress up like my uncle

3. Go to a kitty shelter at 9am and pick up a similar cat

4. Get to my uncle's place at 10am

5. Go to the manager and pretend to be my uncle and get the spare keys

6. Enter his house as quietly as possible

7. Insert the new cat

8. Look for the cat

9. Get the cat

10. Get the hell out

What could go wrong with that plan? Well, watching movies and the way I usually handle things; I'd be in jail before noon. But I really had no other options, the cat wants to be mine. And I trust the cat way more than anyone else in my life. So, I had to do it, no other way. I thought of it as the greatest adventure so far in my life.

I made sure I went to the bathroom multiple times. An empty bladder and pooper were the only way I could make it. The nervousness could've easily taken me out of commission. I wasn't built for this type of activity. But yet I couldn't turn away from this once in a lifetime opportunity. Microsoft, Apple, Beanie Babies, Michael Jordan Rookie card, and Real Estate. I wasn't going to be left behind this time trying to start a new career all over again from zero dollars. I have my own business now and I will use my Crypto Cat to leverage into Bitcoin. I will become one of the most famous Bitcoiners. Come to me kitty, daddy is here. My thoughts are raging towards unachieved glory. Stay focused you damn fool, I shouted at myself with an African American accent.

I wake up as usual on the damn futon, somehow I got used to it. Very uncomfortable if you ask me. If I was the president of USA I would outlaw them as my first act of duty. I do my usual in the bathroom, and brush my teeth. My brother is still sleeping, what a praise to the lord for that. But I do hear fart noises, I don't want to know who that is. I have to keep focused on one thing. Get the cat!!!

I walk out of the house dressed, in jeans and a crappy shirt. I pretty much look like the local plumber. Oh, and I failed to mention a vintage bluish hat. Get into my beige Honda accord from the early 2000's. My uncle gave me that crap, out of pity. Start it up manually by turning the key inserted into the ignition. The car's engine gives off a tamed roar. I always heat up my cars for about 5 minutes at least. Get all of the juices inside flowing properly. That's about the only good thing my father has taught me. I'm 30 years of age. I put the car into drive mode, and I head off.

For some reason I am feeling really good, open the window bumping some good rap music on the radio. Feeling all tough, as I'm driving by a semi rich area. Staring at people walking solo or with dogs. Have one handing on the steering wheel, and the other on the gear changer. I feel pretty good about this thing. As I'm looking at this hot girl on the right of me, I make a stop on the stop sign. I press the accelerator and then look at the road. I smiled because the girl gave me a nice and pleasant look back. I feel a slight bump all of a sudden and a meow!!! I quickly stop my car and get out. I look under the front bumper and nothing. I get back into the car and start driving again. Meow!!!! Shit I think I ran over a cat. This time I look at the rear of the car. The cat got completely squished and it's hanging off the rear passengers tires. I look around 360 and I can't see anyone, which is nice but weird. People are usually driving or walking to their cars to get to work. It was a dead street all of a sudden. I gingerly remove the cat which was stuck on the tires like a rug. The cat was completely flattened. Oh boy I was in trouble now, I needed to get over to my uncle's real fast before his wife wakes up early. I couldn't leave the cat on the street, it was wrong. I take the cat and place it into the passenger's seat. Maybe I will drop off the cat at the shelter and tell them this is how I found it on the road. Noooooo!!!!! My brain was telling me not to do that. Shit, what the hell!!! I got it, take this dead cat with me to my uncles and replace it. They won't think anything weird. Shit!!!! That won't work they are not morons; how does a flattened cat end up on the floor of their home? I got it; I'll leave it on the front porch. It will appear as though someone ran over it and left it there. Wait!!!! I can't just leave it without a note. I'll write something like this:

"Sorry neighbor, I ran over your cat and now it is flat. Yes it is also dead. I left it next to your door, please forgive me. All you have to do is get a new one. I am leaving you $10 dollars because that is all I have"

Yes that works, either way they have no clue whether that is true of not. I pull up just on the adjacent curb. Open the passenger's door, take the cat and stroll to the gate. I enter in the managers option at the intercom.

Manager- "How may I help you?"

Dan- "I am from unit 7, and I have misplaced my keys. May I please have my emergency keys?"

Manager – "Please come inside"

Dan- "Thanks so much!!!"

I walk through the small area and place the flattened cat onto the porch, then proceed to the manager's office. The manager looks at me and says:

Manager- "You look younger than last time I saw you."

I smiled with surprise look on my face.

Dan- "Oh really, thanks for noticing. I've been working out and eating much less. I have also been getting those things called facials."

Manager- "I thought they were for women?"

Dan- "Not anymore, men must also have nice smooth skin."

The manager gave me a weird stare, and an inside chuckle that he was holding in. It's as if he thought I was gay or something. Why does everyone think I am gay? Just because the last girlfriend I had was like 5 or 6 years back, doesn't mean I am gay. Frankly my ex is the one that introduced me to facials.

Manager- "Please don't lose this set or else you will need to change the locks."

Dan- "Thanks so much for your help, I am just returning from my trip, and I lost them."

Manager- "Alright, have a good day sir."

I walk out surprisingly really fast. The dead cat is stinking up the porch. I place the key inside and turn the knob. The door opens to a screech. Sandra is sitting on the couch, passed out. I get startled, she is snoring like a pig and chicken all at once. She seems to be waking up, but she moves away from my point of vision. That was really close. I take off my shoes and leave them on the porch. I tip toe, slowly looking for the cat. Where is the damn cat? Every step I make, I could feel Sandra's movement. It was really close, because I thought she'd wake up any moment now. So, I started to become more nervous. No cat on the ground level. I proceed up the stairs to the second floor. The kitchen area had crumbs of food, probably from the cat. I can't call out the cat, she will wake up. No cat in the kitchen. Shit!!! I was starting to lose my patients. Meow, Meow, I could hear the cat. It's coming down from the third floor like a king. My eyes light up and the cat gets alarmed. It jumps onto me with ferocity, clawing at me with intensity. Both of us making a lot of noise. I almost fall of the stairs, Sandra wakes up.

Sandra- "What is going on in here?"

The cat realizes it's me and calms down.

Flufii - "Take me away you fool"

Dan-" Shish, Sandra is awake"

As I'm holding the cat, Sandra thinks I am her husband.

Sandra- "Is that you honey, are you back from your trip?"

She looked tipsy and I knew she smoked the pipe once in a while. Her eyes seemed a little high and disoriented.

Dan-"Yes honey, it is me. You look very tired, why don't you lay back down. I need to take the cat for a walk."

Sandra- "A cat for a walk? Come here and give me a nice kiss and hug."

I come over and for a sec and pretend to give her a hug, but I faked it and quickly ran to the door with the cat.

Sandra- "Wait stop, you don't love me anymore."

I opened and closed the door in record time. This should be an Olympic sport, I thought. Ran to the gate opened it and quickly into the car.

Flufii - "You dumb-ass fool, why did you kidnap me in front of Sandra? All I had to do was sneak out one fine mourning."

Dan- "Listen cat, it's not like you have a cell phone so we can coordinate all of this."

The cat was pretty pissed off with me. I really didn't care because I had him in my possession. The cat shows me the middle finger. I didn't know they could do that. Oh wait, I wasn't sure what was more unlikely, the talking or the middle finger?

I stepped on the gas, and we went for a joy ride. We still had some time to kill before I was supposed to meet up with my friend George.