Broken

The day when Bella's father picked up the phone had passed and I was starting to fear that Bella would move away from me because of my behavior like that. Since that day I've always watched Bella as if something had changed from a distance, when I met her, she didn't want to see me, didn't say hello at all, even seemed to want to stay away Was it because of yesterday's incident, ahhh I don't think it's possible because it's just a trivial thing.

I don't know what happened to him. I didn't dare to ask him directly because I was embarrassed and awkward. But I asked her close friends but there was no definite answer why she seemed to stay away from me. Even so, I'm still looking for information about Bella, why she is like that.

I'm always trying to figure out why he's like that. It turned out that he was close to a boy from my generation, an automotive student. Yes, he is indeed more famous than me, even his appearance is better, it's only natural that they can be close. Since that time I know Bella is close to another guy, I stay away from her even though I still like her and keep that feeling to myself. Maybe it's not the time for me to be with him but one day I will definitely be with him.

The day comes where there is love there must be pain. And for the first time I felt pain even though I could only like someone in silence and couldn't express what I felt to him. My first love in Color with pain there is no feeling of happiness because I am very shy and awkward to say all my heart. I'm also still confused whether I should hold back my love and wait for the right time to say this or should I let go of what should not be mine from the start.

I remain optimistic by not staying away from him even though he is close to other people. But on the other hand, maybe he likes people who are close to him more than me. But do I have to keep it under wraps all the time? It's like I have to tell him directly, but I also don't want to spoil the approach of the two of them.

Like now, keeping the existing taste is the best choice because it doesn't harm anyone. I will find the right time to express it to Bella about the feelings I feel for her all this time. But how am I going to express my feelings to him?

it turns out that the pain experienced by the heart because of love is like that something hurts inside but I have a hard time feeling what it is and I don't know how to treat it like what I know there is only this pain in the chest. This heartache is like someone has stabbed it but you don't see what pierced this heart. And when we continue to harbor feelings in our own hearts and we don't express them, it hurts more than we express our feelings to the people we like. yeah this is my reason why i don't want to like someone, love someone, or date because i don't want to feel this heartache when we have decided to love someone we have to be ready to be happy and we have to be ready to be disappointed and i'm not ready to feel this disappointment. At that time I was just always thinking whether I should stay away or not. even i think that i will wait for him until he is alone again and i try to approach him again someday, i'm so optimistic that i forget i'm not important to him. My first love is quite painful for me but even though it hurts I still have feelings for Bella I still like her and there is still a sense of wanting to approach her. if I approach her now I'm selfish with her and even ruin Bella's relationship with other people. so I can only wait and wait until the time is right and I can be with Bella someday. maybe from now on I have to think about the strategies I have to make to approach Bella, my thoughts are too complicated so that's all I have to think about. but since Bella is close to others I decided not to be close to Bella anymore and I don't want to be close to other women I'm afraid what happened to me will happen again and feel the same pain the second time.

I had a chance to confide in my friend and he said it's better to approach other women, don't wait for the uncertain, but I just like him, I don't like other people anyways if I try to like other people it will be difficult and I'm definitely better away than having to approach other people others who don't necessarily like me too even though Bella doesn't necessarily like me but at least I like her first. because according to my friend Bella didn't like me from the start but I still insisted because yeah at first she didn't like it but if I kept approaching her who knows she might like it for something. I don't know why I always think like that as if I've been so crazy about Bella, that even my friend's words I don't hear at all. My friend actually knows I just fell in love that's why I'm a bit stupid because of that but what's clear is that my friends always support whatever I do as long as it's good for me actually. The day of heartbreak was the day I saw Bella and other people close to each other not with me who could only like her in silence and looked at her from a distance. it was the day of my heartbreak even though this was my first love, but my first love became the day of my first heartbreak. There was no sense of joy in it when the person I liked liked me back until we were dating, it didn't exist in the first love scenario. I who was there even made pain but did not bleed at all. It's annoying to see other people close to Bella but I can't do anything because I'm not who Bella is, not even a friend. this is my own national heartbreak day.