Why do I have to try? [Part-28]

[Can we kill Danzo right about now?]-Matatabi

'No, we aren't strong enough for that yet. Tobirama-san could take care of him but he can't exactly stay in this body for more than a few minutes if he's using any jutsu.'

[It's... unfair. Why does-]

Veronica understood what Matatabi was trying to say. Although she didn't care much about the beast, she still knew what she needed to do. She hadn't completely lost.

Her emotions were returning to her.

But she didn't want them to return more than they already had.

'It doesn't matter whether you are the happiest person or an unfortunate weeper, a powerful beast or a terrifying creature, all are equal in the eyes of the reaper.'

[…

You're right. It doesn't matter, does it? No matter what we say it's just how things are. Pain won't judge anyone, will it? Life... Will just continue on. We don't want to die so we choose to suffer in life instead.

That's just how it is.]-Matatabi

*You don't have to say anything right now, I know you're tired, just rest. I'll be here when you wake up.*

Veronica cut off her connection with Matatabi and Tobirama, making sure that Matatabi couldn't see her memories later. She needed some time.

Time alone. Time where no one would give their unwanted opinion to her. Time where she wouldn't need to worry about anyone's thoughts.

*No matter what you do, people will always talk about you. Someone will always question your judgement. Someone will always doubt you.

So just smile and make the choice you can live with.*

Sighing, she looked down at the little boy sleeping on her lap.

'Lily... You told me that dreams come true. But you forgot to tell me that a nightmare is a dream too big sis.

I... miss you. I wonder what you would've done if you were here in my place? I bet you'd only try to live a lazy and peaceful life as a citizen. Maybe learn a couple of jutsus and some other ninja stuff to protect yourself. You would've been happy here.

I guess the truth will always be that I was happier with you.

Dammit, this thing with Itachi and Sasuke brought back memories. I was doing good enough with just... not thinking about them at all.

I'm so tired big sis.

I guess he was right when he said that monsters live in your head and not in your bed. I couldn't speak with Matatabi for a few minutes and I was already running down the possibility of me being kidnapped and forced to be in a genjutsu. Hah. I don't like this... Maybe it would've been better had I chosen to live like a normal citizen and not be a 'hero'.

Sometimes I hate having a brain which just goes in overdrive. Then again, with my life as it's been so far, I can't really say it's a bad thing. I would've died by now if it weren't for this brain...

But why do I have to drown in my own thoughts every time I'm alone? I... wish that you were here with me. You'd know what to do.

Right?'

See how terrifying a mind is? A simple thought can turn into an endless ocean trying to drown you. A positive sentence turns into doubt. A negative one tears you apart. And not everyone is saved.

Gently patting Sasuke's head, she wondered what would happen if she let down the mask she's had ever since she had arrived here.

'I wish we never met... I hate this. I hate love. I can't let myself cry. I need to suffer so all of them don't suffer. If I let my mask fall now then... All the people I've worked hard on slowly building up will crumble back down.

Now that I think about it. This is quite funny.

A broken person is stitching up other broken people.

The irony of it all.'

Letting out a dry chuckle, she focused on the hand quietly opening the door. Seeing the familiar silver headed man walk in, she felt slightly relieved that she wouldn't be stuck in the endless cycle of her negative thoughts.

However, she hated how she needed to put that suffocating mask on.

Even though Matatabi and Tobirama were ones she could whole heartedly depend on but there were times she felt as though she was alone even while being with them.

"Yo!"-Kakashi

"There wasn't much stuff to move."-Kakashi

The two sat in silence. A very awkward silence. They didn't know what to say to each other right now.

'Well, this is awkward...'

"Uh... Should we go now?"-Kakashi

Kakashi stared at the two kids for a minute. He looked to be in deep thought at that moment. But again, he put on his infamous eye smile and agreed easily.

"Alright then. You've been discharged already so come back when he's awake."-Kakashi

He then poofed out the room and left Veronica on her own again.

'Okay now that's just irritating.'

[What is?]-Matatabi

'The fact that he poofs out. I NEED to learn that the moment I turn Genin.'

[Sure.]-Tobirama

The three felt the need to lighten up the atmosphere. They knew there was no use asking them to talk about it. They knew each other better than anyone. They knew of how severe their trust issues were.