Alienation

Maybe this day will be able to break away from this imbalance that had targeted my schedule. Even though the morning was still off I could still gain stability throughout the day! I just needed to clear this day so everything could become normal once again. So everything could finally become organized again.

I once again take a brush to go through my long brown hair. My mother always lectures me to take great care of it because it's so healthy and long. I like my hair. I do. But at times it's just easier to pull it into a ponytail and form a bun. And with at times, I mean how I always do it. It's easy and effective. Non-distracting.

How many times would I have been distracted if it fell into my face while learning? How many times would I have to brush it so it once again becomes perfectly smooth?

My look has to be perfect and humble. No big outfits. A model student has to be non-distracting yet perfect. Perfect hair. Perfect clothes. With perfect clothes, I mean the school uniform. Once again he ties the necktie after putting on the rest of the uniform. Everything was neatly ironed. No stain from a beverage. Simple but perfect.

After that, I once again go downstairs and see my mother sitting at the dining table. My father was nowhere to be seen.

"Good morning Alex", she greets me with a smile like yesterday. The plate in front of her is empty once again though there is another one next to her. Indicating that my father might come back this morning. "How is my perfect daughter feeling today?", she adds and gestures me to take a seat.

I take a seat and smile at her as well and give her my usual answer: "Very well. And how are you feeling?". 'I need to follow the routine right now, it's not a lie', I tell myself. It is only a routine. Only something I need to follow. I need its stability. I need it to stay the same so my schedule can return.

"I'm feeling good as well", my mother smiles at me. She seems to be pleased with my answer. Pleased that I did not add another question this time.

And just at this moment, my father comes into the room as well. In his hand a coffee from the kitchen. Something he usually doesn't do. Only when he has worked for a long time and wants to stay awake to fulfill his duties.

He sits down at the table as well. "Hello my dear family!", he flashes a smile at us. Both me and my mother chuckle at his exclamation. It sounds so old yet has a comforting ring to it.

"How have you been father?", I smile at him. It follows the outline of our usual conversations after all. Though I am a bit curious. Curious how he has been. What has happened? How everything is connected. What he thinks about the latest accident. If he already heard about it.

"Quite well", he says while smiling. Which is contrary to the coffee mug in his hand. Contrary to his disappearance yesterday. Contrary to the news.

"How come you weren't there yesterday?", I ask him. I am curious after all.

Everything fell silent. My mother looked at me expressionlessly. My father blinking a bit confused. After all, it's unusual to break the routine. I shift a little in my seat. It's not a comfortable position I'm in right now…

"Well…", my father starts after seemingly thoroughly looking what my intentions were, "there has been the incident with the terror organization. Although we tried to wrap it up neatly there were still some articles to calm the public. You have probably heard from it in school".

I only not to his conclusion. No need to tell him that I researched a bit. That will only cause more confusion because it's not in my usual schedule.

With a giant sigh he leans back into his chair: "It's fine we have it under control now. There is no need to worry, really. It's just tiring". And with that, he raises his mug as if he tried to prove his claims.

"You see dear? As I have said, it's nothing to worry about. It's nothing we should concern ourselves with. We shouldn't give those criminals the attention they want but let the government handle it", My mother smiles softly. Yet there is a certain tone in her voice that doesn't seem to allow any other responses than 'you are right'. I never really noticed that before…

I would have thought so before. I really would have. It's easy and simple. It's not that I don't trust my father or the government. I'm just… just curious. Because I want to know how you can do such foolish things without a good reason? Just because you want to destroy?

Not only that but this time it hadn't been too destroy. Their attack today had nothing to do with destroying precious government property. They only stole things from a small warehouse. How came the sudden shift? Wasn't it perplexing and made their moves hard to predict?

The government was said to have everything under control is what my father states. Then how can they predict their moves? Or is there something they know about the terrorists' intentions?

That could actually be the case. What if they know of their evil plans but do not tell the public so no one would feel scared? That must be it.

"Then did you already predict the incident this morning?", I ask. It's something I'm still curious about.

But I shouldn't have asked. The temperature in the room drops immediately. Both of my parents heads snap in my direction.

I love my parents. I really do. But right now I'm terrified. Their gazes are so intense as if I had declared myself a terrorist as well. They are fully aware that I don't usually read the news in the morning but learn a bit. My whole body tenses up. I feel like vomiting. It's so uncomfortable as it had never been before.

I nervously laugh: "I mean you probably predicted yesterday morning that you would need a morning coffee today after taking care of everything until today".

Immediately my father smiles at me again. My mother turns back to her breakfast and nods as if she had suspected I would say that.

My whole body is still frozen in shock. I had asked with curiosity but am only left with regret. They both definitely don't want to talk about this.